{"id":1003,"date":"2007-01-12T07:24:00","date_gmt":"2007-01-12T11:24:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/2007\/01\/12\/thrusday-evening-home-again\/"},"modified":"2007-01-12T07:24:00","modified_gmt":"2007-01-12T11:24:00","slug":"thrusday-evening-home-again","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/2007\/01\/12\/thrusday-evening-home-again\/","title":{"rendered":"Thrusday evening – Home again."},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

\t\t\t\t\t\t The trip to Tucson<\/st1:place><\/st1:city> turned out to be a very good way to ease back into work. Both days I was surrounded by caring and supportive people.  <\/span>During the days I was looked after by my 20 or so colleagues from the IBM<\/st1:placename>  <\/span>Academy<\/st1:placetype><\/st1:place> Technology Council. I’ve traveled all over the globe with these folks for the past 2 years.. I consider many of them close friends.  <\/span>By night , my dear friends Chris and Wendy took great  <\/span>care of me.  <\/span> <\/p>\n

Yesterday’s meeting was pretty uneventful. At one point in the day my fiend Steve and I skipped out of the meeting for an hour Steve’s wife, Helen, died in October after a short battle with cancer. The two of us went outside for a long walk while talking about Sam and Helen, life after loss, how friends and relatives have reacted, strange things people do and say, etc.. We walked out into the desert again and I showed him where I’d written Sam’s name with rocks.. It was good talking to him…  <\/span>When we got back, I found that my friend Ken had left me an envelope with pictures of his sister Sandy who died when she was in her 20’s  <\/span>along with a poem that their father  <\/span>had written about losing a child. It was very sweet and sad..  <\/span>The meeting broke up around 6:30<\/st1:time> and I headed back to Chris and Wendy’s . I felt buoyed up by the day. I’d been busy, modestly effective at work and surrounded by caring friends. On the way there I called home because I was missing my family. I could tell that the mood in the house was pretty low\u2026Nothing special was up.. Things sometimes get quiet and a little sad in the evening. It was hard being so far away and knowing that there wasn’t anything I could do to help anyone feel any better. It’s not always easy buoying each other up when we’re all in the same place.. but it’s impossible over the phone.  <\/span>It made me sad again and  <\/span>made me realize that I’m just not ready to start traveling frequently. By the time  <\/span>I got to Chris and Wendy’s I was feeling pretty blue. Chris’s daughter Toni was there.. and the four of us when to a great Gutemalan\/Mayan restaurant for an early dinner then came back to the house to talk. We started listening to the music and slideshows from Sam’s Memorial service. The  <\/span>two days of bottling up my emotions had taken its toll Before I knew it, my knees buckled and I was sobbing with my head on the table. I must have been like that for 20 minutes\u2026. I know it’s hard ot believe.. but it felt great to get it out. When I was done I felt close to Sam and at peace and ready to travel. Around 10:30 PM<\/st1:time> I said goodbye to Chris and Wendy and headed to the airport.  <\/span><\/p>\n

  <\/span>The hardest part of this trip was traveling alone there and back. They may ask to weigh and x-ray your luggage.. but they never ask to weigh your heart or look inside it.    <\/span>I’ve been trying to think of a way to describe how it feel carrying Sam and Sam’s loss around with me. It’s. It’s a very physical sensation. All of my feeling around Sam is centered just about 6 inches in front of my heart. Not in my chest, but in fron t of it. The closest thing I remember to the same sensation is when I would carry each of my sons in one of those baby packs you where on your chest. It’s biiter sweet reminder of carrying Sam as a little baby.  <\/span>Like carrying a real baby, it’s exhausting work after awhile. I can’t put him down\u2026 I don’t want to.<\/p>\n

   <\/span>Remarkably, I slept well on the overnight flight. Max and his visiting friends picked me up at the airport around 11AM<\/st1:time> and brought me home. It was so good stepping back into the house and seeing Diane and the kids. This still feels like our home.. and this still is very much like our family. I love them all so much..  <\/span>I better go find them before they all go to bed. Good night Sam !<\/p>\n

-js<\/o:p><\/p>\n

<\/o:p>ps. While I was listening to the songs form the memorial I looked up the lyrics to Keepsake from State Radio . It sthe song that Jane and Avery sang so beautifully at Sam’s memorial.. The words reminded me of coming home. (did I already post this ? )<\/p>\n

Keepsake by State Radio \u2013 sung by Jane Kier and Avery Lavoie<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/o:p>One gonna heal my body another gonna heal my pain<\/p>\n

One gonna settle me down then bring me back up again<\/p>\n

 <\/o:p>I‘<\/span>m gonna put my family back together again<\/p>\n

 <\/o:p>One gonna hold my woman another gonna hold my job<\/p>\n

One gonna help me get up, another gonna help me stop<\/p>\n

 <\/o:p>One gonna help me talk right, one gonna lay me down to sleep<\/p>\n

 <\/o:p>(Humming)<\/p>\n

 <\/o:p>One gonna hold my thoughts and another gonna hold my bones<\/p>\n

 One gonna keep me warm and another gonna keep me cold<\/p>\n

 <\/o:p>One gonna bring religon, right from a Coleman stove<\/p>\n

 One gonna help me keep em‘<\/span> another gonna help me tame<\/p>\n

 <\/o:p>One gonna run me down (Hell a bullets in my way)<\/p>\n

 <\/o:p>You‘<\/span>re gonna keep my soul it was yours to have long ago<\/p>\n

 <\/o:p>(humming)<\/p>\n

 <\/o:p>I‘<\/span>m gonna buckle my belt around the ceiling pipe<\/p>\n

 I‘<\/span>m gonna buckle my knees and I‘<\/span>m gonna lock em‘<\/span> up tight<\/p>\n

 <\/o:p>I‘<\/span>m gonna hold a pen while you drag my arm across the page<\/p>\n

 <\/o:p>One gonna hold my memories another gonna close the door<\/p>\n

 One gonna leave me restless another wanting more<\/p>\n

 <\/o:p>You‘<\/span>re gonna keep my soul it was yours to have long ago<\/p>\n

 <\/o:p>(Humming)<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The trip to Tucson turned out to be a very good way to ease back into work. Both days I was surrounded by caring and supportive people.  During the days I was looked after by my 20 or so colleagues from the IBM  Academy Technology Council. I’ve traveled all over the globe with these folks … Continue reading Thrusday evening – Home again.<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1003","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1003","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1003"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1003\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1003"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1003"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1003"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}