{"id":1046,"date":"2007-03-02T05:06:00","date_gmt":"2007-03-02T09:06:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/2007\/03\/02\/thursday-night-my-inner-slacker\/"},"modified":"2007-03-02T05:06:00","modified_gmt":"2007-03-02T09:06:00","slug":"thursday-night-my-inner-slacker","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/2007\/03\/02\/thursday-night-my-inner-slacker\/","title":{"rendered":"Thursday night &#8211; my inner slacker"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><div id=\"pBlogBody_236200744\" class=\"blogContent\">\n<o:p><\/o:p>I&#8217;m just sitting down to write in a big, empty house\u2026.<span style=\"\">&nbsp; <\/span>Diane&#8217;s out shopping for our trip to next week. Max is down at Pratt, Gabe is spending the night up at the mountain and Sam is\u2026.is\u2026<span style=\"\">&nbsp;&nbsp; <\/span>So\u2026 that&#8217;s what my days are like.. The constant <span style=\"\">&nbsp;<\/span>re-realization of how our lives are so changed.   <\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; <\/span>I&#8217;ve actually had the house to myself for a big part of the last three days while the rest of the family zooms around. It&#8217;s actually very peaceful here. I generally don&#8217;t get much solitude unless it&#8217;s on an airplane\u2026 It has been a welcome relief from having to be &#8216;on&#8217; all the time..<span style=\"\">&nbsp; <\/span>I&#8217;ve been sleeping late, ..hanging out in my &#8216;jammies till afternoon , listening to loud music and eating strange food whenever I feel like it.. Don&#8217;t get me wrong I&#8217;m working hard most of the day.. and getting a good amount<span style=\"\">&nbsp; <\/span>of outdoor exercise<span style=\"\">&nbsp; <\/span>each day.. it&#8217;s just that I&#8217;m unplugging from work more often\u2026 .. I think I&#8217;m getting in touch with my inner slacker <span style=\"font-family: Wingdings;\"><span style=\"\">J<\/span><\/span> <\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><o:p>&nbsp;<\/o:p><span style=\"\">&nbsp;&nbsp; <\/span>I&#8217;m also using the relative quiet as a chance to be a<span style=\"\">&nbsp; <\/span>&#8216;witness&#8217; to my own thinking. I&#8217;m just observing what happens in my mind without judgment.. and without trying to manipulate my thinking.. as I go through the day&#8230;.<span style=\"\">&nbsp;&nbsp; <\/span>One thing I observe is how constant Sam&#8217;s presence is in my mind. It&#8217;s hard to<span style=\"\">&nbsp; <\/span>explain.. It&#8217;s not a sad thing at all. It&#8217;s like I always have his face in my mind.. he&#8217;s positioned slightly up and left of my own heart. always wearing a warm <span style=\"\">&nbsp;<\/span>and knowing smile. I&#8217;m amazed at how persistent and strong his presence is with me every waking minute.. he&#8217;s there when I wake up, when I eat, when I exercise, when I talk on the phone\u2026 he&#8217;s here now.<span style=\"\">&nbsp; <\/span>He&#8217;s so strong, I&#8217;m sometimes surprised I can do anything else .. Most of the time it&#8217;s a comfort.. Sometimes I &#8216;look&#8217; toohard and I can lose myself in sadness.<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"\">&nbsp;&nbsp; <\/span>Other things I&#8217;ve witnessed is how often I talk to myself or to Sam out loud during the day when no one else is around. I think I&#8217;ve always talked to myself.. Now I have someone to talk<span style=\"\">&nbsp; <\/span>tooI also am surprised at how often I hear myself sigh..(&#8220;oh sam&#8221;)<span style=\"\">&nbsp; <\/span>during the day.. or curse for no reason..<span style=\"\">&nbsp; <\/span>I think\/hope<span style=\"\">&nbsp; <\/span>this is all good venting though I&#8217;ll bet it would a little creepy to hear if anyone else were listening..<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"\">&nbsp;&nbsp; <\/span>Another thing I observe.. I notice that I&#8217;m much slower to stress or to get angry. Those<span style=\"\">&nbsp; <\/span>of you who have known me in the past probably know how wrapped up in my work I could get.. I was\/am passionate about my work.. and I could get pretty tense after a day of meetings.. Now I find it so easy.. too easy <span style=\"font-family: Wingdings;\"><span style=\"\">J<\/span><\/span> to shut the laptop at <st1:time minute=\"0\" hour=\"18\">6PM<\/st1:time> and go goof off\u2026 That may sound normal.. but it&#8217;s nothing I&#8217;ve been able to do since I was maybe 8 years old.<span style=\"\">&nbsp; <\/span>Again.. it&#8217;s the inner slacker in me yearning to kick back\u2026<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><span style=\"\">&nbsp;&nbsp; <\/span>Here&#8217;s a real illustration that illustrates my new calm..<span style=\"\">&nbsp; <\/span>Yesterday. our very good friend Deb D. dropped off one of her killer homemade Mac and Cheese&#8217;s.<span style=\"\">&nbsp; <\/span>This stuff is really food for the gods.<span style=\"\">&nbsp; <\/span>Tonight, I was eating alone. I<span style=\"\">&nbsp; <\/span><i>heard<\/i> that Mac and Cheese singing to me from<span style=\"\">&nbsp; <\/span>the &#8216;fridge.<span style=\"\">&nbsp; <\/span>I went in to get some . and as I did the whole pan fell out and spilled on the floor..<span style=\"\">&nbsp;&nbsp; <\/span>Normally this would have sent me into a terrible cursing frenzy.. but tonight.. I just<span style=\"\">&nbsp; <\/span>laughed !<span style=\"\">&nbsp; <\/span>.It <i>was<\/i> pretty funny.. (and given the 5 second rule, I had most of it back in the pan before the dirt on the floor even noticed)..<span style=\"\">&nbsp; <\/span><span style=\"\">&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/span>This is my new Buddah nature.<span style=\"\">&nbsp;&nbsp; <\/span>Thanks to you Sam\u2026<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><o:p>&nbsp;<\/o:p>-jc<\/p>\n<p>ps. Here&#8217;s a picture from Diane, Sam and my trip to mexico last June.. What a great time that was<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\" class=\"MsoNormal\"><a href=\"http:\/\/photobucket.com\" target=\"_blank\"><img decoding=\"async\" style=\"width: 481px; height: 359px;\" src=\"http:\/\/i147.photobucket.com\/albums\/r319\/johncohn\/feb2707004.jpg\" alt=\"Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting\" border=\"0\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;m just sitting down to write in a big, empty house\u2026.&nbsp; Diane&#8217;s out shopping for our trip to next week. Max is down at Pratt, Gabe is spending the night up at the mountain and Sam is\u2026.is\u2026&nbsp;&nbsp; So\u2026 that&#8217;s what my days are like.. The constant &nbsp;re-realization of how our lives are so changed. &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/2007\/03\/02\/thursday-night-my-inner-slacker\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Thursday night &#8211; my inner slacker<\/span> <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1046","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1046","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1046"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1046\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1046"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1046"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1046"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}