{"id":723,"date":"2007-11-13T03:40:00","date_gmt":"2007-11-13T07:40:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/2007\/11\/13\/monday-night-trouble-with-words\/"},"modified":"2007-11-13T03:40:00","modified_gmt":"2007-11-13T07:40:00","slug":"monday-night-trouble-with-words","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/2007\/11\/13\/monday-night-trouble-with-words\/","title":{"rendered":"Monday night – trouble with words"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

As I step into this week I realize that I’m walking into a time I’ve been imagining  <\/span>for almost the entire year. How would I feel as I approached the anniversary of Sam’s passing ? It’s one of those weird things when you collide with your past self’s projection of the future. The truth is.. nothing is as I expected it anymore. I certainly feel different.. but not in the same way I expected to feel different. Does that make sense ? <\/p>\n

   <\/span>A couple of things I’ve been noticing\u2026   <\/span>First, I realize that a great quiet sadness comes over me as soon as I stop ‘doing’. For  <\/span>example, in yoga tonight, I teared  <\/span>up as soon as I relaxed..  <\/span>As long as I’m running, sleeping, eating, working, blogging, talking, welding, etc.. “I’m OK”.. as soon as I quiet  <\/span>myself, I start to withdraw into myself.. . I say “I’m OK” when I’m busy\u2026 knowing  <\/span>full well that this means I need to stop being busy to really be in the moment I need to be in for the next several weeks .. It’s hard to stop\u2026 but I need to.   <\/span>I also realize that my patience is at a real low. I’ve just that I’ve been more  <\/span>contrary  <\/span>with just about everyone I’ve come in contact with at work, home, family or friends for the past couple of weeks.   <\/span>It’s like I’m impatient for things to happen.. I guess that’s another distraction I’m trying to create.   <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/o:p>My sense of Sam is so amplified now, too.. This past year, he’s always been with me\u2026 sometimes in the front of my mind.. sometimes in the back of my thoughts. . The past week or so he’s  <\/span>always in the front of my mind \u2026 I know that makes sense.. I like being able to  <\/span>think of him so clearly. I feel like these past few weeks he’s been helping me.. I always send  <\/span>him love..<\/p>\n

   <\/span>I just read what I’ve been writing here , and I don’t know if it even makes sense to try to capture my thoughts  <\/span>in words. .. as I remember so well ‘words cannot express\u2026. ”  <\/span>It’ still feels good to write\u2026<\/p>\n

 <\/o:p>   <\/span>Speaking of which, I started to go through my blog from the beginning.. The first  <\/span>entry is from Nov 25th<\/a>..  <\/span>It’s tough to read.. but it’s also really good to know that I’ve recorded  <\/span>my thinking for this entire year.  and that we’ve survided.. and we’re getting stronger.    <\/span>I don’t know if I’ll ever read the whole thing, but I know that it  <\/span>has been one of the most wonderfully healing things I could have done.. <\/p>\n

<\/o:p><\/p>\n

I know that this is a hard time.. and <\/i>I also know I’ll get through it.. I’m strong, we’re strong .. and we have supportive family and friends.. All that’s let for us to do is just be here and let the future come to us.<\/p>\n

I’d like to fish a happy and peacful birthday to my father in law Gabe Mariano. We love you Gabe.<\/p>\n

\"DSCN5777\"<\/a><\/div>\n

Good night friends and family, I love you Sam<\/p>\n

-me<\/o:p><\/p>\n

 ps. I just realized today is also Neil Young’s 63rd birthday. Here’s a song he wrote recently that made me think of where I am. (you can here a squeaky version of it off this <\/o:p>page<\/a>) <\/o:p>
<\/p>\n

<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

“Falling Off The Face Of The Earth”<\/b><\/font><\/font>
<\/font><\/font>
I just want to thank you <\/font><\/font>
For all of the things you’ve done <\/font><\/font>
I’m thinking about you <\/font><\/font>
I just want to send my love <\/font><\/font>
I send my best to you <\/font><\/font>
That’s my message of love <\/font><\/font>
For all the things you did <\/font><\/font>
I can never thank you enough <\/font><\/font>
<\/font><\/font>
Feel like I’m falling <\/font><\/font>
Falling off the face of the earth <\/font><\/font>
Falling off the face of the earth <\/font><\/font>
(Falling) <\/font><\/font>
Feel like I’m falling <\/font><\/font>
Falling off the face of the earth <\/font><\/font>
Falling off the face of the earth <\/font><\/font>
<\/font><\/font>
Oh… <\/font><\/font>
<\/font><\/font>
I just want to tell you <\/font><\/font>
You sure mean a lot to me <\/font><\/font>
It may sound simple <\/font><\/font>
But you are the world to me <\/font><\/font>
It’s such a precious thing <\/font><\/font>
That time we shared together <\/font><\/font>
I must apologize <\/font><\/font>
For the troubled times <\/font><\/font>
<\/font><\/font>
Feel like I’m falling <\/font><\/font>
Falling off the face of the earth <\/font><\/font>
(Falling) <\/font><\/font>
Feel like I’m falling <\/font><\/font>
Falling off the face of the earth <\/font><\/font>
Falling off the face of the eart<\/font><\/font><\/div>\n

<\/o:p><\/p>\n


<\/o:p><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As I step into this week I realize that I’m walking into a time I’ve been imagining  for almost the entire year. How would I feel as I approached the anniversary of Sam’s passing ? It’s one of those weird things when you collide with your past self’s projection of the future. The truth is.. … Continue reading Monday night – trouble with words<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-723","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/723","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=723"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/723\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=723"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=723"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/johncohn.org\/base\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=723"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}