I woke today rested and happy…and thinking of Sam. I was able to get a good night sleep in this creaky old guest dorm despite the party that was going on down stairs. I stayed up way too late trying to hack the header of my blog to include links to Sam’s MySpace and the address of his Memorial Fund.Several folks had asked me for both.   I finanly turned off the lights just before 2AM..As soon as I hit the bed the grieving work I hadn’t done for the day was waiting for me..The only analogy I can find for what it’s like is, I’m sorry to say, getting sick to your stomach: you know it’s going to happen. it’s no fun.. it feels nasty .. but once you’re done wiht it you feel so much better.. I cried for about 30 minutes in this strang dark little room.. then as often happenes… I got a vision of smiling Sam… grew calm and felll asleep. I think this is the first night I’ve slept through the night in three weeks.
    Last night I hung out with Max and some of his school freinds until about 1. They’re a great group of kids … I think they will be a great support nase for Max when he’s back here this semeseter. His roommate painted an awsome picture for him.. it’s got a sillohette of a Sam-like kid on a mountain… very. very cool.  Walking into Max’s dormroom for the first time was hard for both of us.. that’s where we was when he heard about Sam’s accident. It seemse like every object, person or event has an association to Sam…. seeing it triggers that spark of sadness… but also disarms it for the future. It’s like any new situation is strewn with land mines . You can try to tip toe around them each time.. or you can set them off on purpose to make the same situation safe the next time. Option B seems to be more reliable for me. …
    I talked to Diane and Gabel last night. They went to the Battle of the Bands contest up at MMU. Our own Skanky Green won the contest and decided to donate their vast winnings ($200 ?)  to Sam’s Memorial fund.  That is so very cool. Both Diane and Gabe liked being back in Sam’s friends’ music… we really want to keep that connection going.
    I gotta go wake up Max and get us going on the Pratt stuff.. Thanks again to all the folks who are commenting or messaging. me about this blog. It’s been such a great way to reconnect with folks I’ve  lost track of..  You know another great thing about hearing from folks is how often we hear and feel the words ‘i love you’. I’m getting big, cranky guys from work telling me they ‘love’ us.. … and we love them ! Not really a typical guy thing.. but how cool is that !? I wish it didsn’t take a tradgedy like losing Sam to lower the barriers we have ahout expressing how we feel..   I’m trying to take that lesson further and tell folks how I feel about them more often.. You can try it too: try telling someone you never told that you love them (or like them alot….  or tolerate them ok) … It’ll be an interesting experiment… let me know how it goes.   Gotta go wake Max.. peace out. We love you Sam !
-jc