Thursday night – he’s in tears it’s been a strange week… Very satisfying in some ways from work and very troubling and others… Usual stuff and unusual stuff all mixed together. One thing I noticed is that I  found myself crying a lot… That’s strange for me. As with most guys, crying  doesn’t come very easy  or often to me .… But this week it happened.  Quite a lot… actually.  Once.. no wait, maybe twice … with the sad dream, a couple of times over sad poems (Mary Oliver mostly)… Once on a phone call with a friend who mentioned a city I associate with sadness.  A few times on sad news from people close to me. Even a work situation… Imagine that.

 Once on a phone call with a friend who mentioned a city I associate with sadness. Even a work situation… Imagine that.

None of these were because I was particularly sad… Life is actually pretty good right now and I feel reasonably happy…( knock on  simulated wood grained furniture)

 And then I “remembered”… That my mother-in-law marcia just died. I say “remembered” because of course I remember… But somehow I had nit associated the sadness coming up through all those in channels…

Our brains and hearts are amazing instrument arent they ?

Nite all, nite sam

-me

 

crazy day….

reminded me that Diane and I had traded Mary Oliver Poems last night. the one she sent I really liked:

“I Worried” – by mary oliver 

I worried a lot. Will the garden grow, will the rivers
flow in the right direction, will the earth turn
as it was taught, and if not how shall
I correct it?

Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven,
can I do better?

Will I ever be able to sing, even the sparrows
can do it and I am, well,
hopeless.

Is my eyesight fading or am I just imagining it,
am I going to get rheumatism,
lockjaw, dementia?

Finally I saw that worrying had come to nothing.
And gave it up. And took my old body
and went out into the morning,
and sang.”

Mary Oliver, Swan: Poems and Prose Poems

lalalalala

nite all. nite sam

-me

 

I’ve just discovered scarfs !.. I brought a scarf with me this trip and it has been wonderful . it’s cold and rainy here.. and I put on my scarf.. and it was suddenly warm and cozy.. 

where have these been all my life ? 

nite all. nite sam

-me

238 in the morning and just woke up… I made the mistake of lying down when I got To the hotel last night… And I fell instantly asleep. Lights on, coat on…

Oh well… At least I was asleep

Nite all, nite Sam
-me