I’m so glad to be homeward bound again. I can’t wait to see Diane, Max and Gabe. I had a really good trip. It was wonderful seeing my sister and her beautiful family.. and I really enjoyed the brainstorming at the meeting I attended. I must confess that being surrounded by a bunch of geeks like me is one of my favorite sports. Even so, it just still doesn’t feel right being away from home yet. I can’t sleep, It’s lonely and I miss my family so much… I always missed them when I traveled but now it feels like I’m missing some part of me.. and I guess I am. Though in some way Sam’s presence feels like company in the way I talk to him, think of him and sense him. I’m stating to get lots of invites to travel again..(One of the benefits of looking like a mad scientist is that I get lots of people willing to fly me around and look absentminded. I know that I need to be very careful about the amount of travel I agree to or it will get me all discombobulated again.

    On the way home I had a chance to catch back up on a few day job discussions with folks I’ve been working with closely. I find that however muddled my mind is about the technical issues.. and my mid is still really muddled… I always have time and energy for people discussions. Since Sam died I’m finding that everyone is more open about talking about their lives with me and I love it. I was talking with my friend Pete on a work subject and he asked me about how we are all doing.  Earlier I had trouble with that question… now,  I like it. Folks sincerely want us to be ‘Ok’.. It’s sort of cute.. I get comment whenever I smile.. as in ‘you’re looking good’ .. or ‘so you’re feeling better ?’. I think it’s really hard for people to internalize that this is going to take us forever.

    Pete also asked me whether I was worried about next week being hard for us without Sam. I had to think about that for awhile. My answer was that it probably would be hard.. after all, every day is hard now. Even so, I find that I’m not worrying about the future really at all. That’s a huge change for me.. I used to spend a ton of energy worrying. At this point, I can’t project how any of us are going to feel or react at some point in the future.  If Sam’s passing has taught me anything it’s not to worry too much about any particular version of the future.. it will be here soon enough.. and it likely won’t look like you expect.  

      One thing I do hope to do next week is take it easy. I may take a few days off and hang with Gabe and Diane. I think Max is going to Pratt to do some coursework and see some friends. I hope to still get some time with him. There’s a Keller Williams show at higher ground next week which we can catch together.

     I just ran into one of Max and Sam’s old teachers on the plane he commented on how much support he saw in the community for us and for Sam. It really is amazing to us.. Sam passed over three moths ago and he’s still getting tons of  MySpace email, folks are still wearing his picture and coming by the house. ..doing stuff in his memory. Every time I see or hear of something like that it makes me smile.. I didn’t think I’d be smiling at this point..  Thank you everyone for keeping Sam’s spirit close….. and thank you Sam for keeping close to us.

 -jc

ps. Diane picked me up from the airport and we went to watch Gabe and his friends practice their flips at Green Mountian Gymnatsics. Here’s a picture of Gabe midway thorough an underflip. He’s really good !!!!!

.. and here I am doing my first front flip.

Ps. I think I’m going to be on TV this Sunday talking about why lids might be interested in video game processor technology . I did the inteview about a week before Sam’s accident . I think it’s going to run at 7:30 am on Channels 5 and 31 in Burlington.Or look at  www.teenkidsnews.tv  for your local times.