Today started early for all of us. Diane woke at 5 to take Max down to Rutland to catch the train to NYC.. Max loves taking the train down there. He says it’s relaxing and fun. I woke at about 6:30 and got ready to go out. My friend Jason from work showed up around 7:30 as planned for a snow shoe. It was nice having a visitor for my morning exercise since Diane was down taking Max. Jason and I took the mid length loop in the woods. Some of it was unbroken trail with still deep snow whch was fun.

 Jason and I talked work for most of the trip.. I’d sort of made a personal pact to not think about work while outside.. but this was a good chance to catch up on some things. We came down of the loop and walked out to the rock in the high pasture above our house… That got us on the topic of ‘why we live here’ . Jason was saying how much he and his family love their lives here in Vermont. I told him how much we had loved our lives.. how perfect they were.. until Sam died.. and how we still love them now.. It’s funny to say that we still love our lives after this tragedy.. but we do. The conversation got my mind on the topic of ‘why’ !? again.. Why Sam ?! Why us ?!   I don’t usually let myself go to the ‘why’… In some way it’s probably progress that I’m able to go there today…

   I came back to the house in time to meet Diane.. She’d made the 4 hour roundtrip and Gabe was still sleeping  When he woke up the two of them went up to the montain to enjoy the beautiful conditions.. That left me in the house alone all day to work. It was really nice having the whole house to myself… I got a ton of work done. . at the same time is was so quiet and lonely. At one point, I went through the house calling Sam’s name.. just like I used to. I wanted to hear it… Anyone listening would have thought Id gone crazy.. but it wasn’t crazy.. it was nice.   . I’m still struggling so much to get into my work. It seems that no matter how much time I spend.. I can only get 1 or 2 things done per day now.. what a change from before !. I started to wind down around 5. I closed the laptop and took Chai for another walk to clear my head.. Good choice..

After the walk, I headed up to the mountain to watch Gabe’s Night Rider snowboard competition. I love going up there now.. We have so may friends up there. It feels like a reuninion every week.   I don’t know how Gabe did tonight becasue   I left around 8:15 to head to the Keller Williams show at Higher Ground. I got my wish from last night that they offered me and a guest passes for the show tonight in excahnvge for the blinking beer tray.. I didn’t get to use them , though.. I already had a ticket.. and none of the friends I asked could go tonight.. Nothing wasted though..

    I ran into Mason at the show and hung out with him. It was an *amazing* show.. Music has such healing power for me now ! Keller Williams is like a whole orchestra in one guy.. funny, talented, and incredibly  musical. It was one of the best live shows I can recall seeing in  Burlington.. really !    They had  a pretty cool light show

… which was augmented by a cool blue glowing beer tray.  It was cool to have contributed that to the evening. 

I did manage to plant a SamStone on one of the speakers without bringing down the sounds system.. that’s cool in itself.

It was a great show Sam.. Hope you enjoyed it !

-jc

“Where are you Now” 

by GUFS (Sung here by Keller Williams)

Here I am
Lost without you
I can’t feel myself
I can’t even move
There so much I want to say
If I could get through to you 

Where are you now?
Are you standing on the edge
If you fall, will I see you again?

Open your eyes
Don’t say goodbye
Won’t you stay with me
and give me one more try
Talk to me
Tell me what you need
 

Where are you now?
Are you standing on the edge
If you fall, will I see you again?
Where are you now?
If it’s time to let you go
Tell me now
Cause I can’t hold on anymore 

Where are you now?
Are you standing on the edge
If you fall, will I see you again?
Where are you now?
If it’s time for letting go
Tell me now
Cause I can’t hold on anymore

 
Where are you?
Who took you away from me?
cause I can’t hold on anymore
Where are you?
Who took you away from me?
I can’t hold on anymore

  Where are you now?