Today was interesting. We had one car in the shop, so I opted to stay home and work. It was a beautiful day, so I chose to work in the bell tower.. It’s a great place to work… It’s comfy, the view is great, there’s always a breeze, cell phone  and wireless reception is good and there  are few distractions. The only catch is that it’ a long way down to get a drink.. or to get rid of your last one.

    I spent my whole day on the phone. For some reason it was one difficult call after another. Each call had some element of conflict.. it was pretty weird. One thing I realize about myself after Sam’s death  is that I just can’t ‘do’ conflict anymore.  I have always  had a pretty high tolerance for.. conflict… which is good because I’ve always  enjoyed helping get folks to agree around difficult concepts..   Now.. I find that any conflict at all.. even  the most minor technical disagreement at work.. makes me instantly intensely sad..  I have no control over it.. and it’s hard to work through. It’s almost as if some wires are crossed in my head. I think what’s happening is this huge shift in perspective I’ve gotten since Sam died. When I feel  people getting personally agitated over ‘little’ stuff it just brings me down. I want to take them and shake them and get them to learn form our experience.. that these small things are not worth fretting over.. really., really, really . they’re not…

    Anyway.. the whole thing kinda wore me out today.. at about 6 Diane called  up for me to come downstairs.. she’d left me a hot bath.. and that turned the day around for me.. Not only had she    done that. But she’d bought me my favorite Dr. Bronner’s peppermint soap which  she hates.. You know you have a great mate when they buy you stuff that they themselves don’t like…    Dinner was fun.. Chris, Scott, Mary, and Mason happened to be over.  Max cooked steaks (yes. The kids eat meat !) while  we ate veggie burritos.. Diane made her first Rhubarb crisp  of the ear out of fresh ‘barb from the garden. It was our first grown edible for the year..

    One cool thing we did was mess around with ‘photobooth’ on Mary’s computer.. it gives you an interesting slant on reality…

Technology is wonderful.. actually… on that topic.. I got a really cool myspace msg  from Lucie tonight asking me if I would be interesting in talking about the positive aspects of technologies like MySpace and how they help kids. families and communities.  I’ll let everyone know where that goes…

   OK.. off to bed now.. Oh..  one reminder. The first ‘Sam Cohn Musical Soul’ gutar giveaway is going to be this Friday morning at the MMU underclassman awards ceremony.. Be there or be be quadrilateral. Hopefully  every MMU kid who’s interested in the possibility of getting a guitar from Sam has gotten someone to nominate the, It’ll be fun to see who gets it.   Sam.. remember, you’re selecting the winner from the bunch of finalists…    See you there…

-jc

I must admit that the emotions and activity around yesterday’s birthday / remembrance for Sam has left me physically and emotionally exhausted. I’m also surprised ot find that I’m feeling peaceful and happy-ish.. in that kind of new bittersweet joy that we get in our lives more and more now. It’s hard to describe why I feel good.. I just know that yesterday’s party was exactly what Sam wanted… I felt that all day yesterday.. and knew it in my heart when I woke today. That’s how he speaks with me these days.

Yesterdays’ blogging also drained me and my camera pretty completely.. I reached for my camera today to take a picture and found that my poor camera was out of juice.. The picture was to have been of the new site for the replacement septic system that it looks like we need to install.. (now there’s a picture you don’t want to have to take) ,. From what we gather it’s not that we exude more waste than other people.. it’s just that we have so many other fun folks coming through our house… It’s like that old Irish blessing…. ” If your sewage system must fail … .. may it be because you have too many friends.” (Well it should be an old Irish blessing.. don’t you think ?)

I just tried to convert that blessing into Irish Gaelic by using an online translator.. . but I couldn’t find one.. I did, find this helpful bit of info, though

dúthshraitheanna a dhéanamh ar an láithreán sin, gach séarach, draein le húsáid i ndáil le sláintíocht foirgneamh nó diúscairt iarmhair a dhéanamh;
means
the construction of foundations on such sites, all sewers, drains for use in connection with the sanitation of buildings or the disposal of waste 

in Gaelic… I think it’s good to keep that in mind.

Now.. how did we get on that topic ? I must be tired.. Time for bed.. Alas.. I’ve no pictures to post today.. but I did get this picture from our friend Phoebe.. Yesterday during Sam’s party Phoebe and her friends wandered under the Bridge Street bridge while we were all swimming in the Winooski.. She took this picture. I absolutely don’t encourage or condone vandalism or grafitti.. but I think this is beautiful.

Actually..let me take this opportunity to ask folks to please help us stop the  graffiti.. We’ve started getting complaints from the town, the police, and the bus drivers about folks writing Sam’s name or initials in public places like in the town center, on the school busses and on the side of the band stand (which I’m going to offer to repaint)  We absolutely love that everyone wants to remember our Sam… at the same time, we don’t want his name to be associated with vandalism.  Please help us protect Sam’s memory by helping us stop activities that mar public property.  Try writing his name in the sand..in the snow .. in metal or in rocks .. on your shirt.. or  in your spagetti sauce… I think Sam would appreciate that more. What do you think Sam ?

-jc

ps. Thanks to the 60 or so folks who posted to Sam’s MySpace for his birthday. That menas so much to us !

pss. I’m stil lookign for leads on finding the high powered rocket we launched on Monday. If you happen to see a three foot talll white rocket with bright decorations and a yellow ‘chute… please let me know. There’s probably not  much left of it.. but It’s got sentimental value to me anyway. Thanks

May 28^th,.. today is/would have been Sam’s 15^th Birthday.. we’ve been thinking about this day for months.. and it was finally here.. and it was a good day..   a really good day. There were tears and laughter.. much more laughter..  All of us woke up feeling good and strong. We’d planned lots for the day to remember and celebrate Sam.. we were all pumped.. Each of us had our own private time with Sam.. I was happy and sad at the same time.

   As soon as I woke enough to work, I started building the large rocket for launch at the park. My brother Billy had given me the rocket many years ago and I’d never gotten around to launching it.. Sam always was interested in it.. so here was the chance. Paulo had spent the night over.. so he helped me build the launch setup wile I assembled the rocket.. Now.. this was no ordinary tiny Estes style  rocket.. this was a whole different class. You need to be at least 18 to buy the G size engines and you need to  get clearance from the FAA to fly them (I never did … bad on me).   Anyway.. the thing came together smoothly. Gabe did the initial decorating

   While we worked on the rocket, Diane gathered up food and supplies for the party… Around 12 we all piled into cars with cakes, ice drinks, musical instruments amps, rockets, Frisbees. Shirts and about a dozen kids and headed down to Volunteers Green.   

There a group of kids lead by Tyler P taught the rest of us how to play Ultimate Frisbee..    There were only four grown-ups in the pack.. but  even so.. we had about 4 teams of between 15 and 20 folks each. I never had played Ultimate before.. I loved it !. Lots of running… which I’m reasonably good at.. and lots of throwing and catching which I suck at.. so it averaged out.   We had  two games going.. at first.. when those ended things started to dissipate a little.. a few people started leaving.. but then Tyler got us going in a second set of games, and the energy level came back up.

Unforuantely.. aboout 10 minutes into the first game..our good buddy Kevin twisted and dislocated his knee!. It reall lloked like it hurt. We called rescue and his folks..

By 3Pm we were all pretty pooped. We shuffled up to the band stand and gathered around the many cakes that folks had brought.

We all grabbed Red Bulls and sand a happy/tearful Happy Birthday for Sam.. that was the hardest and sweetest part of the day for me..

After the first round of cake and ice cream had been gobbled, we started in to the music.  First up was band that Max and Scott had organized just yesterday.. they were excellent even after having only 2 hours of practice..  As I took this movie clip, I cold see Sam’s beaming face reflected from my short in the viewfinder .. I knew he was enjoying Max, too

   After that we had Sam’s old band, Black Night Vengeance.. these guys are sounding really, really great.. they got the crowd moving.. that’s for sure.. I ended up on the ground looking up into the circle of headbangers.. it was awesome…

   Next came Skanky green and their wonderful originals.. I got really choked up when they sang ‘Captain Sam’.. the song that they wrote in honor of Sam.

“…You might just have some fun

You take it all so serious.. you might not live it down.

To take the plunge, you might have to take a dive

That’s what he would do if he were still alive ”  those  lines from that  song.. always, makes me smile and cry .

       Just after ‘Captain Sam’ , Max took the stage again and held up a small boat that he’d made of balsa wood and glue. Inside he’d made a watertight pocket  which held a letter he’d written. I’ll try to get the words to it and post them.. they were beautiful. They  told whoever found the boat about Captain Sam..  and his legacy. Max asked Gabe to launch the boat into the Winooski. A bunch of people got up on the bridge to  watch..  It was a really cool concept.. I really loved it…

    At that point.. I started to hand the rocket around for people to sign…  Everyone put their birthday wishes to Sam  all around the rocket .. it looked pretty cool.

We walked the rocket way back out in the field.   I didn’t really expect to recover  the rocket because of the high winds today.. so I just wanted the launch to be safe. We all gathered around the rocket.. which stood about 3 feet high and 3 inches in diameter. I put a SamStone in it just for fun.

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Gabe and Max did the honors on ignition. When Gabe hit that button there was a huge roar, a tail of flame and the thing took off … like a rocket !.. it went up and up.. through the clouds The first SamStone in Space.. (well.. almost) . it was amazing.. I’ve never seen anything that big fly so fast or so high. This is 3-4 times as high as those model rockets you can buy in the stores.. I think with the load I had it would have been about a half mile high.. and this thing was Big !..   We finally saw it drop back through the clouds.. a bunch of kids gave chase.. but with the winds.. it probably made it halfway back to Jonesville. I’m hoping someone sees it and finds the address we put on it.. we’ll see..   I like thinking that Sam saw the whole thing.. maybe in a way he did..

    My last official act for the day was to jump off the Richmond bridge.. Gabe had done it a bit earier in the day for the first time and came out relatively intact.  I’ve lived  in this city for more than 25 years and I’ve never jumped the bridge.. If Sam were here.. he’d do it … it felt great.. As I was dropping towards the water I was thinking about how much more I’m living life since Sam died.. life is certainly weird.  A few minutes Max did it for the first time.. we’re all now in the Clan of the Bridge… real men ! Grrrrrr !

     Around 6:00 there were still some folks around.. we did a few last cleaning passes.. then got in the car and went home. It had been a really good day.. lots of fun.. and lts of thoughts of Sam.. I know that Sam would have loved it.. I hope he did ! I know it may seem strange to some that we choose to make this day into a party.. but the way we figure.. We’ll have the sad times…no matter what…. we each had our share today.. if that’s going to be  the case.. why not put in some fun and celebration.? It was good for us.. and good for the community.. It would truly have been harder not to do it.

The last thing we did to day was to go up to the Kenny’s for a quick dinner and a regroup on the ‘Friend of Sam’ progress for the day. We’d donated the Sam shirts (you see them on everyone  in the pictures) and the Frisbees to the Friends of Sam to sell for their fundraising.

By the end of the night they’d raised  more than $3900. All of the money is going to the Tyler Eklund fund .. to help offset the expenses of the 14 year old Oregon Snowboarder who broke his neck and was paralyzed in a boarding  accident April 1^st. The money will help his family make their house wheelchair accessible.  The Friends of Sam kids are so amazing.. I’m really, really proud of them 

    As we were sitting around at the Kenny’s one of their lights magically turned on without anyone having touched it.. it was just a reminder that Sam was with us today and every day … I love you so much my boy.. Happy, happy birthday.. you live on in our hearts.. and in the hearts of all your friends… we love you.. we love you .. we love you so so much.

 -dad

Just to warn you, . I can’t find my reading glasses. so I’m typing without being able to see the screen… Who knows what this is really going to say…

   What a peaceful day it has been.. . It started late as I kept falling back to sleep this morning. I was dreaming about Sam and kept wanting to go back for more.   I woke up and puttered around a bit then took Chai for a run. Around 11:30 we  all piled in car and went to St Albans to watch  Gabe play three lacrosse games.. Hey had a really good day out there.. We sit on the sidelines watching the game and shouting like everyone else.. it’s just that we don’t want to be those sort  of pushy parents who only yell for their kid… so we make up names to yell for Gabe.. our current favorite is ‘Balthazar’. Nothing is more peaceful than lying in the sun and watching those  games. It’s pretty interesting to compare to last year when we were at these same fields watching Sam play.. Last year absolutely every weekend was cold an rainy… this year.. every weekend has been warm and sunny. Funny how things work out.

    While we were out there watching Gabe play.., I called my folks to wish them a happy 50^th anniversary. I caught them by cell phone on top of a 9000 foot mountain they’d just climbed in Colorado. Now that’s the way you want to be spending your 50^th anniversary.. don’t you think ? My parents are truly amazing ! What an inspiration  Here’s a picture of them from several years back.. the funny thing is they still look like this !  Congratulations Ma and Pa.. I love you both so much !

   After lacrosse, we all came back to the house I spent a bit of time helping Diane garden.. she’s already got most of her first pass of flowers in.. and  we had to get them mulched.

I also worked on the pool and got the heater plumbed in.. Hopefully it will be ready to swim in by tomorrow afternoon. All the kids love that pool..   I thought of Sam the whole time I was futzing around with the plumbing.

    Around dusk we came in to grab a bite to eat.. Something didn’t smell right in the kitchen.. the more I sat there .. the worse it seemed to smell. It was definitely something … well… dead..   It seemed to be coming from under the stove. To make a very long and disgusting story short.. I pulled the stove out and discovered a recently demised rat which  was.. without exaggeration…  the size of a small cat… seriously it was 10 inches long without the tail !

Both Diane ad I ran outside gagging and laughing hysterically.. not at the poor rat.. but at our screwed up luck.. our wacky old house.. at fate… at what ? I don’t know.. it just seemed funny. Diane stayed out side and cheered me on while I went back in and extracted the rat from under the stove, cleaned the area. Then took the poor creature across the street and buried hom/her.  I know it sounds strange.. but I sat there and cried for the poor thing.  I felt a kinship in sampling how unfair life can be.. I stuck some flower  on the makeshift grave and went back in to eat…  …  Somehow I wasn’t hungry.. Never, ever a dull moment around here…

   I need to get some sleep now…  We have an all afternoon  meeting tomorrow with the Voices Project Movie team. The Movie is based on the very successful  stage presentation of the Voices Project that Max was part of in 2005. . We’re getting really excited about his participation.. and the opportunity to hang out with those kids again. Tomorrow we find out how many of them will be staying with us for the months of July and August.

    Ok.. now.. Off to sleep. I need to save my strength for the big Birthday bash on Monday.. BTW.. if you are coming we’d really appreciate folks to bring either a cake, drinks or anything else to share. It should be  a really good time.. We’ll all be ther for you Sam !

-me

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