Long Day…   I woke this morning at 4:30 so that I could get down to Albany in time to host a phone meeting at 8:30 without having to be still driving.  It was very nice waking and leaving while it was still dark.. There was a beautiful moon set as I drove down the Hinesburg road.

It’s  funny because there was a beautiful  moonrise last night  that I tried to .get a picture of. . how often do you get to see both ends.

   I find that I  really enjoy these solitary drives to and from NY these days. It’s the best thinking time I have.. I turn off the radio . shut off my phone and I just think.. or not think… I often talk to Sam on these drives.. or ask him for help This morning’s meditation was on ‘what do I want to do with my life now’ …  I emphasize want because I’m not finding/making enough time now to do the things I really want to do. I’ve read back over the last several weeks of this journal and I can clearly see the start up of the same cycle of work obligation and stress that I was on before Sam died.. I don’t want to go back there… yet I don’t know how to avoid it.  Just as I hit that train of thought.. I came across the following sign on a stable gate on Route 74..

So.. what  IS a view of happiness ? I want to spend time with my family.. I want to make stuff..  I also know that I want more time s working with kids and science… maybe even find a way to do that full time eventually.. Diane has said in the past that  I need to put that intention out   and the opportunities will come to me.. I need to find a way to stay sane in the meanwhile…

   Anyway.. I made it down to the Albany NanoTech Center in time to meet about 30 friends and colleagues  from Burlington and maybe 50 or  so from our sister facility in East Fishkill NY,

We’d arraigned the meeting  both  to allow us to tour the state of the art NanoCenter…and to get in some good bonding time with our brethren and sistern (?) fro down south..  It was great seeing those folks.. many of them are good friends of mine.. s that alone made it worth the  trip. We got some good talks about the Center and how it works… as well as a glimpse of a recent technical breakthrough on ‘air gap dielectrics‘  by my buddy Dan E  that was just being announced in the press today.  The nanocenter helped pioneer this breakthrough with IBM research.     I’m so proud of Dan !!!!

   I had to leave a bit early in order to catch the start of a work call on the drive back. I hijacked my friends David H. and Jason H to keep me company on the drive back. They’re both good friends. We had a great set of technical discussions about one of Dave’s projects always learns stuff when we talk.  . He’s one of the smarted guys I know when it comes to computer algorithms.  The drive  home was really beautiful.. the weather and the company were splendid. I took the guys through the small detour to see the Penfield site in  ‘Ironville’  that’d stumbled across last Sunday on the way home from dropping Max at the train. They thought it was pretty cool

On the way home we happened to drive right by Homer’s place. so I dragged my friends in to see Homer’s latest love.. a 6 year old 17 foot lathe.. The only thing we can figure it was good for was turning cannon barrels. As old as it is, it still works great. Homer is planning on using it to turn columns for a new cabin he hopes to build.  It was good to introduce David Jason ,  and Homer.

   From there I dropped Jason and Dave off in Williston  and scooted out  to watch the end of Gabe’s Lacrosse practice. It was good watching him play.. He’s gotten very fast.   I was freezing so I spent nearly an hour walking around the track hoping to get warm.

After practice, Gabe and I stopped by Zachary’s for sandwiches then came home and did homework.. pretty simple evening. Diane was out with her book group and Max is still in NY.  

  I’m still on less than four hours of sleep from last night.. so I think I’ll close here.. Tomorrow will be another full day.. they all are Sam.

-jc

Another late night, another hurried post. After a very full day… We were a little slow starting today. Gabe was finally feeling well enough to go back to school… here he is looking chipper (?)   at breakfast. That’s a ‘dutch baby’ in front of him.. one of his favorites …

   After I dropped him at school. Diane and I went up to MMU to meet with the principle, Jen B. about the Sam Scholarships. There’s a great picture of Sam right over her desk.

Jen has been wonderful as we figure out the best ay to keep Sam’s spirit present at his school.  She’s always figures out a way to say ‘yes’ to anything we ask of her.. That’s a really great attribute.  She helped us put the finishing touches on the ‘Sam Cohn Snowboarding Scholarship’. Then we worked out the details of the ‘Sam Cohn Musical Soul’ award. The Musical Soul award will allow one MMU student a year to get the electric, acoustic, or classical guitar or bass  of his/her choice.   The way  it’s going to work is that anyone (student, teacher, staff) can nominate any student.. including themselves… by writing a short paragraph about why they have a musical soul .. and why they’d like to get a guitar from Sam..   The  staff will then select a small set of the most compelling of these nominations and put them in a jar.. One of the names will then be picked from the jar (so Sam can have final say J ) at one of the end-of-year award events. The winner will then go to Advanced Music and pick out their instrument.. the only restriction is that the guitar never be used to play songs by Billy Joel or Barry  Manilow..   It’s as simple as that. If you or one of your kids is at MMU.. look for the nomination forms for this year’s guitar in the next couple of weeks.  One other bonus about our trip to MMU today is that I spoke with Harry Reynolds the shop guy about the shopbot 3d milling machine.. and he’s excited to take it on.. so we’re going to donate that in Sam’s name as well.  

   It was both fun and sad being back in MMU in the day time..  as fate would have it.. there was a fire drill just as we were leaving.. that allowed us to go out in front of the school.. and get hugs from lots of the kids.. I love our community

   I drove in from there and started my work day.. It was s incredibly hectic… as most are these days.. I was pretty beat by the end of the day…  I got home in time to pick up Gabe and Hannah and head back to Richmond for a meeting .  It looks like Gabe had been kidnapped.. but I found him anyway. 

I also called Max.. He’s still down at Pratt finishing up his semester.. it sounded like things were going well for him.. I miss him so much when he’s gone..

 
    The meeting we went to was set up by my good friend Kerry B. He’d arranged a brainstorming event at the library to talk about building  a lasting fun memorial to Sam in our community. He’d invited several artists, welders and other friends of ours.. Some of the folks there included”   Bill .. my mentor for MIT who works in glass and plasma.. Our mutual  friend Ezra who’s an inventor at IBM. My good friend Homer who can machine anything out of anything.. Jen  K who is  a wonderful potter,  Kat.. a metal artist I just met,  and a bunch of our kid friends.. Nate, RJ, Mason. Abbot, Scott, Kevin, Hannah, Avery RJ, Diane, Gabe and Me. ..

It was a really good brainstorming session.. we talked about kinetic , interactive sculptures, places where kids  people can go to create stuff, events (Think ‘SamStock’  that was Gabe’ss name  for it!)    and all sorts of mixes of those things. We talked about things that moved, lit up, made sounds, spits  fire, and all sorts of other things. We’re going to continue our brainstorming on the SamStones website under  SamStock Project. If you have an idea for a good and fun memorial to Sam’s spirit.. we’d love to hear from you..

Sam … I could feel you tonight when those ideas were flowing. I know you’re going to like where this goes.. please feel free to give us your ideas.. I love you all

-jc

Ps. there was a cool moon rise tonight !

 pss. There’s a nice article about some of the education stuff I do in my grad schools alumni magazine this month.  It has a nice small sidebar about Sam in it as well.  Check it out here.

Here I am again.. 11PM sitting down to write when I should be going to sleep. Again I had to get some day work done at home.. and again.. it’s pushing my night later..   I can feel my life accelerating again and I really don’t want that to happen.. not yet at least.

   I got three pieces of sad news today. First I heard that my friend Joe K’s mother-in-law passed away in Lebanon last night. Joe and his wife are expecting there first baby in less than a month. They  were/are in Lebanon visiting his wife’s mother because she was ill.    An hour or so later I heard through a friend that an old soccer friend of Diane’s, Debo Laplante,  died in a car accident in Connecticut this week. Debo and Diane played on the same soccer team in 1982-1983. Just an hour later, I got a note from my friend Craig in the ‘Fathers Forever’ group,  He told me that  the 14 year old son of a friend of his died suddenly while playing Lacrosse last week.  Last week we also got the sad news that Rita from up at Bolton had died. I didn’t know her.. but I knew that she’d come to Sam’s viewing..

   Even though I don’t know these people well or at all.. their passing hits me hard. It no longer is just ‘news’ when I hear a story like this. My heart goes immediately to the person and their family. I then carry them around with me for days. I wish that I could stop the pain that other people have to feel… Its funny,  somehow I convince myself that I can bear anything.. but I can’t bear to think of people that I know and having their hearts broken.. I think it’s easier to worry about others than to worry about yourself..  Sometimes I worry about myself too..

My heart goes out to all of these people. Sam.. not sure where you are.. but if you have any sway with the powers that be.. please help these folks with their journey..   Namaste..

-jc

ps. Gabe carved these hearts out of an apple for Diane and me

 It’s late and I don’t have much energy to write. Today was an interesting day. It started off in the most wonderful and unusual way. Our friend  Carol had offered  Diane and me a  ‘Spa Day’ as a way to take care of ourselves following Sam’s passing. What a generous and thoughtful offer. We finally got around to taking her up on it this morning. The day started inauspiciously,  with trouble brewing at work.. There were several ’emergency’ meetings being called that I was asked to attend.. but that would have meant screwing up our plans with Carol.. so I chose personal life over work.. We headed over to her shop at around 9.  First she had us sit in their hot tub and drink tea.. exactly the opposite of a normal hectic Monday in my life. After we were thoroughly  soaked.. she took us both inside and started working on us. First she had us  soak our feet in some blue hot bubbly water  that really felt good.. 

The she rubbed our feet  some goo with scratchy stuff  (I think it was sugar) in it.   It really felt good. Then she stuck us back in to soak.. My feet already felt wonderful. While each of us was soaking, she lead the other one off for a shampoo and scalp massage.  Ahhhh.  Luckily for Carol .. my scalp is much easier to reach than Diane’s.

 After that she started working on our feet with various tools that looked like torture implements.. but felt good ,

She poked and prodded our feet then  started filing off all the rough stuff. For mine she almost had to go and get a belt sander.  Then she coated our feet with some sort of wax and wrapped them in plastic bag and let them soak. She then took of the wax and rubbed our feet with some good smelling stuff. And we were done.   I didn’t want to stand up my feet felt so good.

 Midway through the treatment, Carol’s husband Michael came in.

The four of us had a good time talking. They told us about their trip to Mexico a few weeks back They stayed in the same hotel that Sam, Diane and I stayed in last June.. It was nice to think of them having fun in that same hotel.. we have such great memories of that trip with Sam. 

They  took some SamStones and placed them at some great places.. like in  a sacred Cenote (a fresh water sink-hole) and on the coral reef. They got pictures and even made us copies. I’ll get those scanned in and share them with everyone.  They also had a SamStone in their fish tank in the shop

     Michael’s in the merchant  marine and spends something like 6 weeks at sea.. then six weeks at home. He has some wild stories bout parts of the world that he gets to see.. He also is a fantastic home brewer.. We got to sample one of his Kolsch’s while we soaked..  what a great morning.    Unfortunately, I  had to  leave at noon.. .. My feet felt better than they ever had in my life.. and when your soul(s)  feel good.. the rest of you does as well.

   Unsurprisingly, that time at Carol’s was the high point of my day.. the rest of the day revolved around some new time critical projects I have to take on at work. It’s going to be a busy could of weeks coming up.. I worked through lunch,.. then zoomed home to catch Diane’s 6PM yoga class..

After yoga I went back in the house.. very quiet. Max is down at Pratt finishing his coursework, Scott was in NY for the night and gave was still laid up sick. He really doesn’t feel well.. sore throat. Fever and aches.. He spent the whole day watching movies like ‘the Big Labowski’.. he must have watched 6 movies today . We sat there and talked and ate with him. then Diane and Gabe put on a shoot-em-up movie that was too bloody for me.. I had to leave. I called Max to say hi..(I really miss him)  then  I then did something I haven’t done in five and a half months.. I opened my laptop and started  working ..I have to start preparing or a big meeting I’m running next week.. and ‘m running out of time.. …  But, seriously it’s the first time I’ve worked at  night since Sam died.. On one hand.. it helped me catch up for today.. but on the other hand..  it felt like the start of a slippery slope  . I don’t want to get back in that mode of working 2-4 hours per night like I’ve been doing for my entire adult life.  It really takes away from all the other stuff I need to do for myself and my family..

   Speaking of slippery slope.. staying up till 1 or 2 every night blogging can’t be good for my family.. either .. so I think I think I’ll close here..   G’nite all. G’nite Sam

-jc