Today passed relatively easily. I can feel that my heart is lighter knowing that I’ll be taking this sabbatical in November. I have tons of stuff to do between then and now.. but it seems as though there’s some light at the end of the long dark tunnel that my working life has become in these past several months. Reaction to my planned temporary changed of  has been pretty positive overall. At some level, I still feel very guilty about taking time out.. I feel as though I’m letting many   of my co-workers down. At the same time.. I feel very certain that  is a good thing for me and my family.. and it’s a good way to honor Sam’s memory…

OK…. I just started writing another very heavy paragraph.. I re-wrote it twice then did the microsoft word equivalent of wadding it up and throwing it in the waste basket. It felt good to un-write it. I’ve gotten so much into the habit of micro-analyzing everything   that it gets old and boring.. (eeeeek.. I’m doing it again in this paragraph).. Enough, enough enough…

OK.. so what concrete happened today ? Hmmm.. I started the day by finding a guy with a jet powered kayak  parked in my driveway…  No joke .. whjat a cool idea !

I actually managed to get a bunch done during the day. It was a good mix of technical stuff and people stuff. I had a meeting with my friend Xingle who’s moving to California.. Is that a good name or what ?

It was good talking to him.. It’s even more fun to say his name. I find I really enjoy hearing other people’s life situations and dolling out fatherly advice.. It’s so much more fun than thinking of my own stuff.

Not much else to report.. tonight. I got home to find Diane and Gabe measuring the house to see if we could bring the trampoline inside for the winter (?!?!)   .  He then went out to spray paint his lunchbox.. Thta kid always has a spray can in his hands these days.

The only other event tonight was that Hannah T. came buy to show off her brand new drivers permit..

.. .. I also found out that today is s Marie K’s. birthday . These milestones are fun to enjoy vicariously

On a sadder  milestone, I heard today that our friend Ann, Jean  and Fran’s mom,  passed away on Monday. She was such a great lady. She traveled all the continents of the world. Last week she told me that she’d planned a trip to Antarctica just before she got illShe’d spent the last few weeks being with friends and family saying goodbye. She had such dignity and strength.  I went over there and stood by her bed last Sunday.  I felt really honored to be with her.

OK.. all for now. I love you all.. I love you Sam.

-me

 ..
 

Hmmmmmm…

 I’m in a funny mood tonight. So many well meaning people have asked me ‘how are you’ today.. that I’m not sure how to respond . I wouldn’t have them stop asking .. but the grooves in my answers are so worn so deep  that even I can’t bear to listen to them anymore. I want people to keep asking me how I’m doing.. I love them for asking..  I just don’t want to keep answering.   What to do ?  make something up ?

People have an uncanny sense of what we need and where we are.. My good buddy Kerry arraigned a meeting at lunch with Kat C.   a very cool and able local metal artist. We brainstormed about what might be the perfect memorial to Sam’s. We had a great talk about what would capture Sam’s spirit of fun.. We talked about kinetic sculpture, fountains, light and sound..   We ended up spending most of our time talking about a piece of art that might be the centerpiece for a local skateboard park. We all left loaded with ideas and optimism about what we might be able to make happen. I live for these moments that my sadness for Sam’s passing  can be transformed into doing something.. making something.. creating something that can be enjoyed by other folks.  It’s like the ultimate alchemists trick of converting sadness into good works. I am absolutely certain that my only path back to sanity is by helping other people channels Sam’s energy into learning and having fun

 

The rest of the day was sort of a blur.. I was in work meetings all day but not much got through to my brain.  I got home in time for yoga.. then we started to help Gabe on his homework. I know that he’s having some of the same motivational issues that I’m having.. still.. he pushes through.. he’s a great role model for me..

Midway through a book report, our friend Carol showed up with a bunch of beautiful roses. Somehow she knew we needed that bright color tonight.

 

Thank you all for taking care of us… we need you.

Gnite all. Gnite Sam.

-me

 

 

 

 

 

 

Busy day.. Let me start with last night. Around 8:30 we headed out to Middlesex to our friends Sandy and Michael’s  20^th  anniversary dinner. We got there right after dinner as planned. There were about 15 folks there including our friends Lou and Kathy, Sandy‘s brother Ron and my  friend  from Jay  from Memorial High School in Houston Texas.  These are all folks that I’ve know for between 25 and 30 years.. Nothing makes you feel quite as warm.. or quite as old as  good old friends. It was a really nice evening. We had all been at Sandy and Michael’s wedding in Essex New York 20 years ago… We had a good time looking at some of the old pictures. 

Sandy’s Mom Ellen and Me in 1987

Jay in the foreground and Diane 3rd from the left

Sandy’s brother Ron

Kathy and Lou

Sandy and Michael

The hairstyles had changed.. but the smiles had not. 

Ron version 2007

Memmorial High School class of 2007 Me, Sandy, Jay  (OK.. Sandy and Jay both graduated ealry and left me behind)

Sandy and Michael today

We left there about 11 and came home

 

Gabe and Jack were here waiting for us. Gabe had big news.. he’d lost his last baby tooth.. now that’s cause for celebration .

 

This morning we all slept in..   Diane and I woke up first and used the time for a bit of calendar planning to prep for all the things coming up in our lives, our trip to India in 3 weeks, the Halloween party, the Haunted forest.. and of curse, the events around the year anniversary of Sam’s passing. It’s strange to sit here and map all that stuff out that’s a couple of months away.. We’ve been really careful to stay in the present and not project ourselves into the future.. it doesn’t do any good to wonder ‘how will I feel then’. We do know it’s going to be an emotional time for us. All we can do is to make sure that we free to concentrate on what we need to do four ourselves and for Sam.  I’m planning on significantly ratcheting down my work in the coming months. It’s the right thing for me to do .. it’s actually the only thing for me to do.

 

Believe it or not.. doing that small bit of planning this morning was very cleansing and allowed me to clear my head for the rest of the day.. not that the rest of the day took much thinking 🙂

 

Gabe woke up and started painting everything in site.

He also made htis cool flip-book

  Diane and I eventually got outside for a really nice hike up the Catamount trail with Chai. Being outside is still the most healing thing we can do. At the end of the trail Chai lead us down to Honey Hollow creek . It was in th low 50’s out.. but the water still looked good to me so I jumped in. The water must have been in the 40’s.. so I didn’t stay in long.. but it felt great. I pride myself in creating  an extended swimming season in Vermont.

 

By the time we got home.. I was pretty sleepy.. I went up in the Yoga space ostensibly to meditate.. but quickly fell fast asleep.. I don’t know if I was out for 5 min or 2 hours.. that’s a great Sunday… 

Towards evening we took Gabe’s friends Paulo and Trevor hoem and went out to a quick dinner at Niccos. There we ran into my friend Tom and his family. They own the gymnastics place that Gabe is now going to . Tom’s daughter is a very accomplished Gymnast as she deftly demonstrated by walking around on her hands… That was cool

 

We got home around 8  gave Chai a bath and then played a bit of ‘catch the marshmallow’ with her.  

We finshed up the day with a rousing game of Apples to Apples..

We proved to ourselves that you can play with just three people… We find that there are many things you can do with just 3….   Max called right in the middle of the game to tell us he was thinking about us. He gives us these quick calls just to connect.  I love them.. I love him… I love my family..

 

Gnite all. Gnite Sam

 

-me

 

ps. Last week my friend Jai told me that his family name  ‘Menon’  came from a polyandrous culture in Kerala the state in India we plan to visit. I had never heard the word ‘polyandrous’.. or  the concept of polyandry  which is to multiple husbands as polygamy is to multiple wives.  The weird thing is that I picked up this week’s New Yorker magazine and found the following cartoon..   Look at answer 3b. Ok.. honest.. hom many of you know the work ‘polyandry’ ?  Is that a weird coincidence or what ? You just can’t make this stuff up…

 

 

Greetings from RJ and Rusty’s. I’ve hidden myself in their computer room hoping to get my blogging in early. I may need to quit  if I’m discovered.

We’re up here at a going away party for Mason,. Tyler, Rusty, and Alex who are heading to Europe on Wednesday for a few months of Euroslacking . It sounds like so much fun. They’re heading over with not much more than Eurail passes, a camera, an address book and a bag of SamStones. They don’t have any specific itinerary … They just know that they’re staring in Ireland and visiting England, Wales, France, Germany. Austria, Poland, Slovenia, Czech Republic and Italy. If you’re reading this and live in one of those countries… and you wouldn’t mind putting these guys up for an evening please let me know ! I remember that amazing feeling when you walk out of an aitport or train station and say “now what ?”.  It would be a blast to go over and live out of a backpack again.. .. Maybe that would be a fun thing to do with our kids.

The earlier part of the day was pretty peaceful. The day got off to a gray, cool and rainy start. We took advantage of the inside weather and each puttered around the house. I did a bit of planning for our india trip.. then did a few hours of work to make up for being so ineffective this past week. It was pretty interesting seeing (by IM buddy list and chat) how many of my work colleagues  were busy at work on a Saturday morning …  I remember doing this all the time

Ooops.. busted.. I was just discovered typing.. There’s cake on upstairs for our travelers.. More later

OK.. I’m back.. where was I ? ….  Oh yeah.. working this morning.. I looked up and realized it was almost 2. and the weather had turned sunny. We decided to take Chai for a run on the high loop at Honey Hollow. It was so beautiful up there. All the creeks were swollen after last night’s rain and the air smelled so sweet and clean. We ran up the logging road to the campsite at the top…The road is pretty steep near the end  All three of us were panting like old goats. At the top we ducked into the woods and ran the trail that connects to one of the other logging trails that makes up the loop.. The rest was downhill and easy. We stopped frequently for red flowering raspberries that were plump from all the rain.. It made me feel glad to be alive.. On the drive home we were talking about how nice it is to have all the time together now. Without Sam… and with Max at school. we find  that we  have more concentrated time with Gabe ..we have  more time together as a couple and we each have more free time for ourselves.. .We were talking about how strange it is to enjoy that extra time.. the reason we have it is so sad.. and profound.. but that doesn’t change the fact that we enjoy it.. It’s the same as being more aware of the beauty around us… or being more open to others. Even practical things like having our  college savings go further… or doing less laundry   are both easier.. and constant reminders of our smaller world. I’d give my life to change the reason for these changes… yet I can’t,, As funny as it feels to enjoy these ‘gifts’, It feels like not admitting that there is good there would be wrong too.. I don’t really know how to explain it…

   And.. it looks like I won’t have time to,, We’re heading over to our  friends Sandy and Michael’s 20th wedding anniversary party… Sandy and I went to school together in Houston.. now she lives only 30 miles away in Middlesex. My friend Jay from Houston will also be there. Should be good to catch up.. I’ll let you know.. That’s all for now.

G’nite all.. g’nite Sam

-me