We had a peaceful and productive day..  It began with me in the basement trying to sort out how to purge the air that was in the baseboards in our room. We’d been without heat up there all season… which was ok so far.. but with January coming.. I figured it needed to be fixed. Thanks to excellent phone caching from Marshal I was able to figure out how to purge the system… and it was fun having scalding. poison laden water sprayed at me from all directions. I can’t believe I actually got it to work !
   We took Gabe up to Bolton, then, as a reward for our labors, Diane, Chai and I went out on cross country skis.. (Chai doesn’t’ have her own.. she always tries to jump up on mine.)  It was our first time out on them for the year. The woods are still filled with Hunters until tomorrow.. so we stuck to the Rivershore trail .. It was beautiful out there.

I picked Gabe up around 1 and took him to a friends to hang out while Diane and I dropped the poor Prius at the repair show. We then headed down town for a few hours of xmas shopping.

I have to admit it’s very hard for me to get into the spirit of shopping. It’s still very sad for me to walk into a bright store full of people and stuff…. lot’s of stuff.. and get excited about buying things. Sam’s death is still so raw to me.. and the thought of more  ‘things’ just doesn’t get me excited anymore. I’ve always enjoyed the social part of shopping. Now I notice that I try to avoid being seen…. which isn’t easy.. since many folks seems to know us and our story.  I don’t make eye contact so readily… I don’t rush across stores to greet friends.. I try to remain invisible. I’m not so sure I understand this.. I’m just noticing it.

The good part of doing the shopping was getting some of it done.. and the chance to hang out with Diane for a while.. Around 5 we’d had enough and headed back to Richmond. We picked up Gabe and headed to Williston for dinner at Steve and Ann Marie’s.

As soon as we got there, we got out out ‘Sam’ candle and lit it in observance of the 7PM worldwide candle lighting organized by Compassionate Friends. The candle lighting is to honor all the children who have died in the world. According to the Compassionate Friends website. this is the largest candle lighting event ever planned in world.  At the same moment. Avery and friends were holding a candle lighting ceremony in Underhill where they were thinking of Sam.. It was good to know that Sam was on people’s minds tonight. 

We lit the candle and looked at it for awhile and thought of Sam. Oh my son….
It’s so easy to go right to that raw pain.

We sat in that for a bit.. then turned back in to the nice evening ahead of us. We have to handle these juxtapositions of moods every day.  One  thing we did before dinner was to light the chanukah candles.This night,  Gabe lit them with a burning corn chip.. Probably a first.

Steve and Ann Marie had prepared a Mexican feast.. It all smelled so good…

We all sat down and enjoyed the wonder meal and wonderful company…

That’s all for now…. more tomorrow. Love you all.. love you Sam

-me