I’m on the road again… I’m donw at the IBM Academy annual meeting in Austin. Once again it’s so good to be surrounded with this many good friends. At this point most of the folks here know about Sam’s passing. Many of them have helped us spread SamStones all over the planet. My friend Jai just told me today that he put a SamStone on Eva Peron’s grave.. and another in the IBM box at a large soccor stadium in Argentina. . (I also heard last week that our firend Rand and Julie cast a few Samstones in the foundation of their new clinic !)
   Not too much to report down here yet.. The main part of the meeting starts tomorrow. As always, I’m trying to split my attention between being here.. and having my day job back at home.. I’m not doing the best job of either at this point.. but it is really good fun to be down here with all these good friends. 
 
    One back at home thing I just finisheed was our Halloween invitation. We’ve decided to have the pary as we do every year. Sam would have absolutely wanted it to be that way.. no question. We’re prinitng up a bunch of invitations .. but feel free to pass this one on as you see fit.   Please come and party like Sam  !

One other piece of home business I did htis evening is to send in some material for the Book of Remeberence that is being pulled to gether by Lifelink the orginization that arrainged Sam’s organ donations. Each year they pull together a service and a set of stories and pictures of the pople who have given livfe in the previous year. We’re not going down for the service.. but we sent this text.. and the cool bicture that our friend Brit took of Sam.

Sam was an exuberant boy with a 1000 watt smile. He loved his friends, family, dog, and bird deeply. Sam was passionate about guitar, snowboarding, lacrosse, and having fun. Yes, having fun was important to Sam.

Springtime meant lacrosse for Sam and a time to play hard with his buddies. Ultimate frisbee at the park were memorable times for Sam and he would come home with a big smile on his face and grass stains on his body. Summers you could find Sam floating down the rivers, swinging from a rope swing, biking, or just hanging with friends. A summer would be complete with time spent at Camp Abnaki and jamming at Burlington Rock Camp. Fall would be the season Sam would try and stretch summer out a little bit more until the snow started to come. That time was then spent at Bolton Valley Resort on his snowboard. He enjoyed ariel tricks and hitting the rails. Mostly he enjoyed just hanging with his friends and little brother Gabe.

Sam loved music and was always plugged into some song. Guitar was second nature to Sam. He could play “Asturias” on his classical guitar to heavy metal on his Gibson. He enjoyed playing bass and wailing on the drums. His favorite times were when he would jamming with one of his friends, or his big brother Max.

It is hard to capture Sam’s true spirit in a few paragraphs. He taught us so much. Mostly he taught us to have fun, ease up, and to be there for each other. He is a true best friend to many and deeply missed.

Sam was born on May 28, 1992. He was hit by a car on November 20, 2006 in Florida while visiting friends. His beautiful body stayed strong long enough for organ donation. He gave his heart, liver, kidney, and kidney-pancreas so that four others would live. His spirit continues on through them and surrounds us today. Sam lived his life to its fullest on this planet.

What a beautiful, beutiful boy…   I miss you so much my son..

Gnite all.. gnite Sam..
-me

Sometimes… you start down one path than have to change idrections and take another. My oringal tack for tonigth was to tell you about our daying spent cleaning the house in prep for the halloween party.  Our party is not ontil Oct 27^th.. but this is the last Saturday between then and now that  I’ll be here to get ready for it. I was going to make the point that the only thing that seperated “garbage” and “garage” was the letter “b” which must explain why our garage was so full of junk…   I was also  going to tell you how hard it was spending all that time in the Attic … There are so many memories packed in up there…

I’d even found the perfect song to include… the one I was singing to myself as I waded through all those memories…

by The Grateful Dead

            In the attics of my life

    Full of cloudy dreams unreal

    Full of tastes no tongue can know

    And lights no eye can see

    When there was no ear to hear

    You sang to me

    I have spent my life

    Seeking all that’s still unsung

    Bent my ear to hear the tune

    And closed my eyes to see

    When there were no strings to play

    You played to me

    In the book of love’s own dreams

    Where all the print is blood

    Where all the pages are my days

    And all my lights grow old

    When I had no wings to fly

    You flew to me

    You flew to me

    In the secret space of dreams

    Where I dreaming lay amazed

    When the secrets all are told

    And the petals all unfold

    When there was no dream of mine

    You dreamed of me

Here’s a good recording of the Dead singing it.

But then.. the eveing took a really funny and different turn.. Aftr the day of  cleaning, Diane and I decided to go into Burlinton for a night of shopping and eating. Gabe was with friends. After a quick round of shoping. We ended up at Primas for a great Thai dinner then came home. We’d just settled into bed at about 11:30 when we heard a noise in the wall of our closet. We’d been listening to the same noise for about 24 hours. We knew it was a mouse stuck in the wall. Ast night we both were listening to it struggle at 3AM. I was thinking abut how loney and frigtening it must be for that poor creuatre. I’d made a half hearted attempt to find the mouse this morning.. but no luck/. This evening. We were able to  run over and pin-point the locati on of the noise. It was in the small wall between our closet doors. I went and grabbed some tools and As I did, another mouse ran next to diane’s foot downstairs
!.

Here’s the mouse hole downstairs

I came back upstairs and set to work  work cutting the wallboard  I finaly got the board cut and backed out the screws holding the freed up segment. I eased the sheetrock off the wall.. ‘the’ mouse ran straight at me .. I jumped out of it’s way and it dissapeared down a hole in the floor.  I was laughing histerically at this when diane shouted, “I got him”.. Evidently.. there had been  2 mice trapped in the wall ! Diane had capturd the other one in a poly box. The poor creature was really frigthened and half starved. We took it downtairs and gave it something  to eat..

 Then Diane and I walked it across the Winooski bridge.

We released the little guy along with a handfull of pecans for food. He wasn’t interested in staying around to eat…..  

As we walked back home we heard a coayote howl, a goose honk and the beaver slap the water beneath us.. It was like they were all saying ‘thanks’ for saving Mr. Mouse.

Heeres the bevers’s slap disturbing the moonlight on the water. 

I’m finally back in bed.. andi’ts nearly 1.. So I’ll stop here.. never a dull moment !

Love you guys.. love you Sam !

-me

Almost 1Am and I’m just sitting down to blog. Even worse.. I can’t find any glasses.. this will prove once and for all if I can really touch type. My eyes have gotten so bad that I can’t read what I’m typing   (Luckily the font on the spell checker IS big enough to read) . 

Not really that much to report today.. I’m in such an altered mental state today.. I can’t really remember much that happened … one thing that’s interesting is that I seem to be getting some really weird and powerful mixed signals for the cosmos.. Normally (when was the last time that word applied?!) .. Normally.. when things are going really well for me.. That is.. my energies are aligned with my life’s purpose.. and I’m more or less harmonious with the world.. lots of really good things start happening to me.. lots of interesting coincidences start popping up.. everything seems to converge. Conversely.. when I’m feeling bad.. I feel out of synch with the world.. and nothing works.. nothing lines up.   I’ve always called this aligning with (or not aligning with) ‘the matrix’..( and  I have been calling it that for more than 32  years.. long before Neo showed up)

The last couple of days I’ve sensing  a pattern that I never remember seeing before.. I feel really low.. particularly about my work.. yet at the same time.. I’m getting a strong cosmic message that I’m in the right path.   On the work part.. I can’t hjelp feeling that I’m leaving so many loose ends at my work.. I’ve really not been effective over the past 10 months .. and all the things I’ve been trying to push forward seem to be falling apart just asI try to switch hears. Part of me wants to stay and try to fx everything.. the other part.. the wiser part.. tells me that I simply can’t..   It really gets me down.. I woke up many time last night thinking about how badly I’ve screwed up   .. On the other hand though.. I’m getting a tremendously good feeling about the new direction I’m taking. Not for any specific reason.. but for the way I’m feeling the world react to my decision to take a break. My coincidence-o-meter is pegged.. the last couple of days have been jam packed with unexplainable connections  . Normally this would mean that I was perfectly aligned with the world and everything was falling into place. When that happens I feel like I’m riding the crest of a powerful wave…  Right now though.. I feel like I’m in a deep rut..  Avery few of these coincidences  include:

– a call from out of the blue from my  old friend Jay   He’s been writing a new (and really excellent) ‘holistic engineering’ text for college undergraduates. He was calling to ask me to help write a version of this book for us in high schools.. Wouldn’t that be cool (though Dinae reminds me that the four books I’ve helped write have been among the worst experiences of my lifeJ .. ). It’s a coincidence of sorts that this type of outreach activity would land on my lap just as I’m about to start this ‘sabbatical’ at ibm on outreach… But it’s stranger than that.. Jay wants the two of us to collaborate on the book with his brother’s  old college roommate… who’s now the director of the Boston Museum of Science.. who happens to be a friend of my mother’s.. and she’s been trying to  introduce us for a couple of years (Mom.. it’s Yannis)

– Yesterday I was talking to a new friend Courtney C. from California. Courtney has created a program called Science Buddies (http://www.sciencebuddies.org/_ )   which helps kids find science fair project ideas. My friend Craig from AMD had gotten us together around the idea of getting  graduate students in the US to help mentor these projects..  It turns out the Courtney had been pitching this idea to a woman in IBM Almaden who told her she needed to talk to someone in Stan L’s area in IBM’s Corporate Citizenhip and Corporate Affairs .. That will be my department come Nov 1.

-About 15 minutes into the call I mentioned a friend of mine that made a business of  of selling those tri-fold cardboard backdrops for science fairs.. She immediately knew I was talking about my biddy Mark O.. She’d just met with him a few days ago in California.. I had lunch with him last Friday in Burling. And Mark lives in Tampa.. pretty freaky.

– Stranger still a few days back.. maybe a week and a half ago.. I called Courtney.. and she told me she was at the NextFest technology fair in LA..   /. The day before I had connected with my old gradate school buddy Paul D.. who I hadn’t spoken with in years. Paul had just moves to Redmond to work for Microsoft.. He also had told me he was going to Next Fest.. I mentioned to Courtney to look out for Paul.. she told me that they’d already met.. in fact they were in adjacent stalls in this huge exhibition center and had been talking all day.

– Speaking of Mark. O. I was standing at my window at work today looking at two deer who were right outside the window.. That was strange enough.. but as I stood there.. a guy I’d never seen come up to me and introduced himself as Tom R.. He was a boyhood friend of the same Mark O’s.. he just wanted to introduce himself.

-As part of my new rotational job I’ve been asked to help brainstorm on how video game technology might be used to help kids understand environmental issues.. Completely coincidently I was asked  today to join a brainstorming session n that exact topic with the Echo center.. and my new friends at Champlain College

Actually.. the list keeps on going.. it may not sem like much to you gentle reader.. but too me.. there’s a powerful magic when this many things start to align  I should also say that I feel that Sam so strongly in all of these connections. I can’t explain how.. but I fel him so powerfully right now..

OK.. I’m rambling.. It’s almost 2 and I need to sleep.. How this is legiblele and intelligible.. I can’t read it without my glasses..   

Gnite all. Gnite Sam

-me

Today Diane, Gabe and I had to go to the hospital to get immunizations for our trip to India. 

Gabe helps me remember where we parked

It was the first time I’d been in the new FAHC building. In fact  it was the first time I’d been in a hospital since Sam’s passing. It was hard being there  for me.. really hard.  We had planned an hour for this meeting, but it took twice that, We met with a cool doctor that told us more than we would ever want to know about types of bugs, germs, fungi and parasites that we’re going to be traveling with us on this trip.   It’s a wonder anyone goes anywhere give what we heard.  We were offered a menu of  immunizations . The doc was not allowed to tell us what to do.. only lay out the options. It felt like a combination of game show and some sort of twisted restaurant.  I ordered ala cart.. I chose the Hepatitis A and the DPT injection.. I ordered it intramuscular.. just the way I like it. I had oral Typhus for desert. Gabe and Diane ordered light.. they both opted just for the Hepatitis A.

 Gabe tries to hide

In the consulting room

Dinae is brave

Gabe is brave

John’s a chicken

other arm

all done

and here’s dessert

You know the whole thing had two   parallels  for me.  OK.. first the hard one.  I had been walking around for 4 days knowing that I was going to get at least one shot today..  I woke up for  the last few days knowing that I was going to have something unpleasant and painful today.. Just like now.. I wake every morning knowing that I am going to go around missing Sam.. feeling that pain.   Sometimes really bad..  It’s a very hard way to live.. On the other hand.. the event itself, the shot.. did not hurt like I had imagined. The anticipation of it hurting was so much worse than the actual event. Again another parallel.. my anticipation of how bad I think I’m going to feel in the future.. especially on certain days like birthdays… never seems to be as bad as I expect…OK.. not too deep.. but it’s  the kind of analysis I can’t seem to help doing every moment of every day.

One cool thing that happened through the day is I kept getting notes from folks who were in the audience at the talk I gave in Cambridge yesterday. Folks were writing to thank me for being honest about the work life balance question when I talked about Sam’s death Several of them told me about their own  stories which were cool to hear.

Speaking of stories… We got some word from our friends Mason, Rusty, Tyler and Alex  traveling in Europe.. Here’s a note we got from Tyler‘s mom Gretchen..

> HI Diane,

>

> The boys are in London at a State Radio concert as I write.  I also just

> met the new neighbors who moved in across the street.  The young woman I

> met is a friend of Chad‘s from ….State Radio.  (Another coincidence in

> life.) This woman grew up with Chad, they played together alot as little

> kdis.

>

> Tyler called yesterday. They are all doing well.  They seem to be having a

> grand time.  I guess Alex walker (Mowalka)  and Tyler took a walk around

> London at 10pm on sunday night.  He said they walked around for 2 hours.

> I don’t know if it was during his night walk or during the day, but they

> went by Big Ben and the parliament.  Tyler did mention things are expensive

> over there.  They were getting ready to have their first “real meal” since

> landing in Dublin.  I guess bread and cheese have been sustaining them.

> They went to the market and bought food to cook AND wine to drink.  It is

> my understanding it doesn’t cost much more than the bottled water.

>

> Tomorrow at 5 am they have to be at the train station to board for the

> trip to Amsterdam.  They take a train to Harwich, then a 6 hour ferry

> ride, then another train up to Amsterdam where Marshall‘s niece lives.

> Lisa said they’ve already stocked the frig for the boys.  Lisa is the one

> getting married in a month in Italy.  We will meet the boys there.

>

> Namaste,.  Gretchen

>

>

It’s fun to track their travels.. My travels are now taking me to bed.. More tomorrow !

Nite all.. nite Sam

-me