First post: Back home agian at 9PM on Sunday evening. Diane and I left Omega at about 1:30… we picked Gabe up at our friend Trevor’s on the way home. It’s great to be back. It’s great to have Gabe back.. Max was here when we got home and the house was quiet and clean.. Ahhhhh…
   Diane, Gabe and I are just about to head out to see the transformers movie.. Not sure I’ll ahve time to write later… Home so.. But just in case, I wanted to get this  in… More later..
-jc

Ok. Now it’s later..   Diane Gabe and I went to see Transformers and it was really great in a shlocky-kids-toy-made-into-a-movie way.  I’ts now 1:30 AM and I’m just sitting down to write.. There’s so much going on in  our lives right now.. All good stuff… but so much good stuff.. This weekend was good down time jsut to think and heal..
     I just uploaded my pictures from the weekend  and I’m not sure where to start.. and I know it would be crazy to stay up another few hours to get it all typed in.   So,  I’m going to beg everyone’s indulgence here and just give you and outline of what I promise to cover tomorrow:

One thing I’d like to remind everyone before I do pass out is the ‘Friends of Sam’ Benefit at Talent Skate park tomorrow.  Here’s the info. Please come and help the Freinds of Sam help other kids !

-jc

ps. OK.. I can’t resist posting at leas one interesting thing.. I went over to the Monitor Barn on Rt 2 at about 12:30 AM.. to catch a little of the all night shoot the Voices folks are doing there.. Here are some pictures and videos from tonght.. I know some o the Voices dancers parents would like to see them.

Greetings from the spiritual center of Dutchess County. Diane and I are still at Omega Institute with Leah and L:arry.   I’m sitting in the cafe here at the retreat center.. the only interent access on site.. I’m entering this on a public computer.. so no pictures tonight.. and (sorry) no spell checker.. so you get me at my dyslexic best.
We are really enjoying the seminar we’re attending here..  The seminar is being lead by a guy named Brian Weiss… who is a hynotheripist.. and was the head of psychiatry at Yale U. Hospital. He’s spent the last 27 years doing regression therepy on people to help them address persitent pschological problems.. Dr. Weiss was practicing traditional hypnotherapy for many years when he started to find that he seemed to be able to regress people back into previous lives! Further.. he found in some cases  he was able to find sources for peoples physchological and physical problems in those past lives.. and treat them . His traditional medical training made this very hard for him to accept..at first… though he continued to use the practice because it often proved to be very effective. Over time his he came to beleive that he was tapping into real evidence of reincarnation.. He now beleives that all of us circulate through many, many lives… gradually working our way through ‘lesson’s towards enlightenment. What’s more is that we tend to ‘hang out’ more or less with the same group of souls through time… sometimes changing relationshiops, genders, etc. That’s such a strech for me given my religious and scinetific training….. but he points out that this is the established tradition in most of the worlds religions.. and was only removed from the Judeo-christine docterine in recent history.
 After listening to him for a day and a half.. I’m not sure what I beleive.. I will tell you that this is a very intelligent man, he passionately believes in what he’s doing I can also tell you that I’ve been deeply hypnotized 3 times in the past 24 hours.
Each time I’ve gotten a glimpse of something very vivid and beleivable.. I’ve ‘seen’ myself in Victorian enlland (I think) smelling coal smoke and watcihng people set up arc lights… I got a glimpse  of myself as a Roman-era wizard building gizmos for a local duke, predicting eclipses for fun and profit and teaching kids mischeif.. I had the most wonderful shop.. it was a half octagonal room with great light and views of the ocean (Mediterainien). I had lots of tools for shaping metal and tons of chemicals in pots. I was considered to be slightly crazy, powerful and harmless. Kids hung out and pulled my beard and hung around my shop to learn things..   and most recently as a  Jewish hermit/sorcerer that lived outside a large city in the woods of northeren europe dispensing charms and making astronimical projections for people who sought me out. Are these images real ? That’s still hard for me to beleive.. but there was something so clear and detailed about each of these visions.. it was if I could walk around and see anyhting I wanted. Much more vived than any dream I’ve ever had.    I’m still trying to process what it is that I’ve experienced here.. I will tell you this.. my mind and my heart are open

Right now we’re sitting in the cafe with one of the guys from the seminar who’s hypnotizing each of us ..and trying to take us back  It’s sort of  like the stuff that Max is able to do. only with a time machine..

I need to sign off now to see if I can find myself again somewhere sometime..As Jerry always said// ” What a long strange trip it’s been.”

Gnite all.. gnite Sam.. Namaste
-me

ps. THis place reminds me of one of my favorite modern poems.. “Sunflower Sutra” by Alan Ginsberg (who used to come here.. I think)

Here’s the last verse :

–We’re not our skin of grime, we’re not our dread

bleak dusty imageless locomotive, we’re all

beautiful golden sunflowers inside, we’re blessed

by our own seed & golden hairy naked

accomplishment-bodies growing into mad black

formal sunflowers in the sunset, spied on by our

eyes under the shadow of the mad locomotive

riverbank sunset Frisco hilly tincan evening

sitdown vision.

 
Remember.. poetry is good for you

So… sometimes I walk around with a word circulating in my brain without knowing why. Today… the word was ‘verge’…as  in ‘on the verge’ .. It came to me on my run and stuck with me all morning. I finally wrote it down on my trusty palm device.. to get it out of my head.

 On the verge of what ?  ..When it came to me I was standing in the sand pit.. thinking about the times I would bring Sam and Gabe here to play in the sand . I was wondering what it meant. On the verge of tears ? on the verge of a breakdown ? On the verge of depression ? Actually.. weird  as it sounds.. It seemed like I was on the verge of something good ? On the verge of happiness ? a  breakthrough ? Acceptance ? Dunno.. I wondered about it all day. It’s funny how your subconscious tries to talk to you…

 Today was pretty packed .. I started with a 7:30 call with my bosses which is always interesting.. I was barely awake after another 4 hour sleep.

I came downstairs to find Max asleep on the couch.. He was down here trying to escape the heat.   Neither of us function very well above 75 degrees.

The Voices kids were all in the kitchen eating ready to go in to work.. Breakfast has become a big deal around our house..

  I went out for a run in the woods with Chai.. It was a beautiful,  hot morning.. As I ran through the high field up  behind our  house I was thinking of all the times I ran that route before Sam’s passing.. sometime I’d be preoccupied with work.. other time’s I’d be blissfully mindless and happy. I realized that today  I was   almost  happy. That’s real progress.

 
Work was busy as usual. One cool thing that happened was that I had an hour meeting with some folks at the Discovery Channel  brainstorming about ideas for getting kids hooked on science Maybe something will come of our conversation. One of the guys I was talking to used to be the side kick for the original TV Mr. Wizard, Don Hebert  from the 70’s through 80’s (actually Hebert  was the third of 3 TV Wizards…he died last June at age 89)   I think I want to be Mr. Wizard when I grow up.

Mr. Wizard in the 60’s

Mr Wizard in the 90’s

The rest of my day was packed with meetings..  actually.. most of them pretty interesting..  I even managed ot squeeze in getting a new badge for IBM.. always a momentus event becuae you get to see your progrssion in the picutures.. I like my new picture…

Around 5 Diane called me to invite me out for a veggie sushi date.. We met up at Sakuras,  We had a nice quiet  dinner.. which is a rarity these days with all the activity in our lives.. After dinner, Diane drove home.. and I went out to meet my friends Camil. Bob and Marie for a quick beer.

I made it home just before 9 and the house was packed with kids again .. I think we have 10 sleeping here tonight.. It’s very nice…lots of music.. lots of goofiness.

Tomorrow Diane and I are off to Omega institute for a seminar.. I’ll be writing from there for the next 3 days.. hope they have an internet connection. We’ll see. Until then.. g’nite all. G’nite Sam.

-me 

Oy… I’m so  sleepy. I just came back from a very cool night out with my friend Gary and his friend David from MIT.   Gary and David grew up together.

David is a Science historian who’s just written two books on various historical interpretations of science. His last book was on the topic of the moon landing in 1969 and its impact on society. . His previous book was on the evolution of control theory and Cybernetics.. which is close to  my own interests. We talked about how  science and engineering advances are always described in terms of  a ‘heroic’ inventor taking methodical steps towards a glorious purpose.. In reality, almost no major invention is like that. It’s much more likely that the advances are the result of many folks efforts which explores many dead ends and failures before finding some useful result. This stuff is important to me as I want to help more kids begin to think of themselves as inventors. I can tell that this first meeting with Dave is going to be the beginning of an interesting collaboration.

 
The earlier part of my day was pretty slow.. I worked really hard today on IBM stuff. Nothing heroic.. but it was satisfying nonetheless.   I got this picture from Rushir today. He put a samstone in their family shrine.. Very nice

I had meetings until 6:30 PM then I cam home. I was pretty sleepy all day because I didn’t get much sleep at all.. Last night at midnight I’d driven in to the Inn at Essex to have a meeting with my friend Camil…  All the bars were closed  so we opted to walk around Essex Junction  for about 2 hours and talk until about 2 in the morning… We saw some cool bats as we walked

We did lots of work talk.. bit then Camil asked me about Sam.. did I think of him much? I told him ‘of course I do..’ the n proceeded to talk about Sam for about 30 minutes. I’m so glad when someone asks about Sam .. or about us. So many folks worry about bringing  Sam up in conversation.. as if they’re worried that they are going t remind me of something painful.. I know I’ve said it before.. but you’re not going to remind me of anything .. I’m always thinking of Sam.. I welcome questions and the ability to talk about Sam and how my  family  is dong.  . Asking questions like that means that folks care. .. anyway.. I woke up this morning at 7 feeling like I’d only slept 4.5 hours.. which is how I always used to feel…. I went years on 4-6 hours a sleep a night.. and this is how I always felt. Note to self:.. sleep is good.

 
Not much happened this morning.. This afternoon I stumbled across my friends  Dave and Chuck  just after they’d finished teaching a unit on sound at IBM’s Exite  Summer Science Camp for girls . Dave and chuck had some great demos including this one.. which is a rubber membrane stretched over a 12 inch sub woofer. By changing the frequency you drive the speaker, you can change the patterns in the salt grains on the membrane.. May sound strange .. but it’s undeniably cool.

I heard from Gabe today and he’s doing well .He had his 5 year Nadokinak ceremony at camp on Sunday and he said it was great. I’m really happy he’s liking that, Diane and Jen drove up to give the camp some of the SamStones.  they helped create.

I got home around 6:30 just as Diane and Jen were heading off to see Hannah and Avery play a soccer game.. Max was the only one here.. He went out to jump on the tramp while I pretended  work on my blog. I heard him having fun.. so I put down my computer and I went out to jump with Max.. The funny thing about trampoline is that it makes your muscles sore.. particularly  the muscles you use to smile.. My face hurts from laughing every time I get off that thing.

Would Chai like this ?

Guess not !

The last glimmer of sunlight.. on my foot

OK.. time for sleep..   More tomorrow.. g’nite Sam..

-me