Yearly Archives: 2008

Thursday night – sleepy

Jam packed day and boy am I beat. I gotta make this short so I can get soem sleep. I ony got about 4 hours sleep last night because I satyed up working/playing on the computer. I was not ready to wake up when Chai started pawing me at 6:15 AM..  I stayed in bed and meditated for about an hour then slithered downstairs. I took Gabe to school then came back and worked while Diane taught her Thursday morning Yoga. After Yoga, our friend Betsy came in for a nice visit. We talked about how kind and sensitive folks have been to our feelings around Kate and Brandon’s deaths. It was interesting trying explain how we felt.. So many folks are worried that these new tragedies will somehow open old wounds for us around Sam’s death. It’s true, we are deeply saddened by the loss of these great kids… Our sadness though is for the kids, their families and our community. Not for us. It’s not that the situation doesn’t remind us of our own loss..  everything reminds us of that loss. It’s that we know where we are now. We don’t need to be protected from others pain.. we want to be there for them as others were there for us. I hope that makes sense. Anyway.. it was a good conversation. Sometimes it really helps to try and put thoughts like that into ords.. it helps crystallize your thinking.

Speaking of crystallized.. I nearly crystallized when Diane and I took Chai fro a run. I was dressed for  about 10 degrees warmer than it was.  I nearly froze.. especially because we had to stop to play with Chai’s friends.

Interesting to see lots of new beaver activity out by the river . They recently dropped a huge tree across our running trail. Beavers are both industrious and impractical  That’s why they’re the MIT Mascott..  (“Beaver, beaver, build your damn, who’s the best school in the land ?“..  What were they thinking ?!

We dawdled a bit too long outside and got home at 10L48. I had a big meeting to drive at 11. In those 12 minutes, I managed to 1) move my science equipment from the station wagon to the van, 2) shower, 3) shave, 4) brush teeth,, 5)  (almost) get dressed and 6) eat something resembling breakfast. I say almost get dressed because half way through my meeting I realized that my shirt was on inside out..   I’m pretty hopeless.

I had an extremely focused and productive day after that. I spent a few hours at Champlain working with the students on our project. It all has got to be done in the next week and a half or so. I don’t know how that’s going to happen.. but it should be fun. I’m really loving working with those guys. BTW, Ann and her team were written up in a great article in Seven Days this week . Check it out. the piece had some great artwork by the students there . Including this on by Nick who will be interviewed for our project.

and this one

Which is the mascot for this Saturday’s Vermont 3.0 Tech Career Jam. I’m proud to be working with these guys !

Oh.. one really cool other thing happened today. I heard back from Paul Zaloom (the Beakman’s world guy) he’s interested in collaborating on soem big stage science shows. That would be SO cool .I’ll keep you poseted as to how that plays out..

After Champlain it was home to pick up Gabe and back out to eat at Mexicali’s (yum) and to pick up some of my equipment for my show in Huntington tomorrow morning. Seaking of Mexicalli , they’re doign the Penguin Plunge as a fund raiser for Special Olympics. Stop by and support the guys as they jump in Lake Champlain on Feb 9th (my birthday !). I may try to do it too.. if the times work out. Diane and I are goign to be in a meditation workshop that day.

It was really fun hanging out with Gabe tonight.. we were pretty goofy.

OK .. Enough for now. Gotta sleep. more tomorrow .Gnite all. Gnite Sam
-me

Wednesday night – code monkeys

OK.. where was I.. I had some stuff left over from yesterday that I didn’t want mixed in with the experience of Brandon’s service.

Oh yes.. yesterday evening turned out to be especially fun and relaxing. I had planned to meet friend Pete at Mexicali for a work meeting. We were both able to get there about an hour earlier than planned which meant more good talk.. after getting our work done. Pete’s been a really good friend to me over the past few years.. He’s the most non nerd like MIT nerd that I know.

Gabe had made a plan to go to Talent at 6.. so I went over there after Meicali and hung out with Diane, Hannah. Dave, Adah, Senyah and Hannah’s mom.  I just love that place. I can spend hours just reading the artwork on the skateboard decks. I particularly liked this one.. (sorry about the blur.. I was laughing !)

Here’s Diane and baby Senyah… who was named after Sam !

We went out and got some pizza from Marco’s (yum)  and brought it back to Talent and stayed there until about 9. We came back to a very lonely dog.. Chai was up in Sam’s room (though to be honest .. this picture is from last Sunday) . I know that she misses Sam very much too…

Matt and Ian had spent the night at our house.. so it was a busy (and sleepy) breakfast time.. just look at those eager faces.

I took Gabe in to school then took Chai out for a quick run. I had meetings all day.. so the only way to get a run was to take my meeting with me.. I hate to admit how many times I listen in to calls while I’m running or snow shoeing.. Is that horribly work life balance.. or really good work life balance.? Can’t decide.

I worked at home all day and was really motivated and efficient.. at least for me. I got a ton done..and listened in to a a very interesting day long call. Which gave me a chance to play with this lovely indoor Stonehenge.

Aside from a great Marci Reiki/massage session.. I was on the call and working from 8 until 5:45.   At that pint Diane and I went up to the mountain to watch the Night Rider’s contest.. We ran into Ralph on our way up the hill.

It was beautiful and chilly up there.. Some flakes of snow.. i think Gabe is somewhere in this picture.. but even if he isn’t I like the light on the snow.

Jen was trying o i=fidn ways to keep her nose warm.. very becoming.. no ?

We hung out and ate.. I had way too many french fries.. I implore all of you who read this to never let me eat french fries.. I feel so gross right now.. ughhhhhh  . Soon it was time or the awards… I love the scene down there.

Gabe got third tonight in his age category.. Not bad !

Here’ Dr. Tim from Ferrell’s Chiropractic glues Even D’s arm back on…   Look.. good as new !

One of the things I’m working so hard on is the Good Games project I’m  doing with the faculty and students over at Champlain. It  has been so amazing working with these students. They are so good at mapping concepts to working code.. and working art.. (can art be working art ? ) . Yesterday they turned me on to a funny song by John Coulton called ‘Code Monkey’… (which is the theme song for the  the very profane  and low budget online southpark clone..) A code monkey works long hours converting caffeine into software.. which is what I’ve been doing for 26 years.. and what these kids are aspiring to be.. and what, come to think of it.. we’re trying to convince more kids to become view this Good Games program.. Someone, please stop us before we hurt someone ! 

Check these version of the song

the more realistic

Anime style

or the Machinima style

or the more fanciful

Or the solo act

Ok.. gotta sleep..   more tomorrow. Gnite all you code monkey’s.. gnite Sam
-me

Tuesday night – Brandon’s service

Lots of good stuff happened today.. but I’ll  bring that stuff in tomorrow Today I wanted to talk abotu Brandon Kilburn’s memorial service. The service was today at 11 AM at the Congregational Church in Jericho Center. I had gone back and forth on whether I should go.. I wasn’t sure how i would do in that setting. This morning, I decided to go.. it felt important to me to be there . I got there just as the service was starting.. th whole green in Jericho Center was surrounded by cars.. I had to park a good way down the street and walk.

By the time I got there the upstairs church was full.. there were about 100 more folks in the basement watching the service on remote TV. I parked myself in the back of the room and watched.  .The service was very warm and very sad.  Our friend Marvin did a truly wonderful and beautifully told set of stories about Brandon/ These stories really defined this great kid.  an athlete, an outdoorsman,  a loyal friend and family member and a great prankster. I felt I knew Brandon much better through those stories. The director of Camp TaKumTa, the camp for kids with or survivors of cancer,  got up and talked about  Brandon’s great service to the camp and campers.. Since loosing a kidney to cancer as a baby. Brandon had been a camper at TaKumTa from the time he was a little kid until this past year.    Rocky. the school councilor from MMU also got up and said some great things about what a good  guy Brandon was…  Finally, Brandon’s Mother and Father, sister, cousins and grandmother got up to speak. I was fine for the whole thing except for when I saw hi mother and father speak. When I heard Brandon’s dad talk abut his fine son… the last year dissapeard for me and I was doing the same thing at Sam’s memorial. I could feel it as though I was just in that place.. I remembered the pain just as it felt then… I sent some love back to myself on that very hard day.. then came back to ‘now’ and sent some love to Brandon’s parents.. I know every one is different in how they cope and heal.. but I feel a deep and sad kinship to these people. When the time comes we’ll reach out to them…

 I know it might seem weird to take pictures at a funeral.. but this blog is such an important way for me to record my days.. I hope folks would forgive me doing this.. I do it with all respect to Brandon in his family.

After the service… most folks came downstairs for lunch and to watch a slide show of  Brandon’s pictures..   I loved watching the pictures… but it was so, so hard to watch the Kilburn’s watching the slideshow.. Again.. the year just telescoped away and I was there doing the same thing. I had to turn away and go outside for a bit to catch myself.   As I stood there many friends came by and hugged me. I got lots of caring comments to the effect of ”ll bet this brings back lots of  memories’.  The truth is.. every day is full of memories about Sam.. this event is sad because of Brandon’s death.. it’s not about us or our situation. I felt sad.. but at the same time, strong and centered. I loved that the community was there for the Kilburns as the have been there for us.

I hung around for a while talking to folks and watching the slide show… eventually I had to get going.. I said good bye and walked upstairs. the Sanctuary was empty now.. Its a beautiful building..

Again it was so sad to see another great kid taken from us at such an early age.. This community is really struggling to take this in. at the same time I see the strength of our community in how they support the folks that really need it.

OK.. that’s all for now..  I wish peace to all of you in the Richmond?Jericho community.. and you too Sam. ..Peace out

-me

Monday night – going back

No pictures.. and no glasses. Tonight will have to be short.. I woke this morning resolved to start thinking about returning to my old job at the end of Feb. In that spirit I decided to go nto the plant and try working at my desk.. Most days I’ve been working at home or at Champlain. When I do go into IBM I’ve usually locked myself in my room … I feel sort of ‘exposed’ walking through the halls… so I try to avoid doing it. Beleive it or not.. I don’t always  like being the center of attention 

Today I resolved to try and get over it. I spent a good portion of the day at my desk.. my office is still piled floor to ceiling with junk from all the stuff I moved in from my old office. I have pictures of all our kids all over the office now.. That was nice and sad at the same time. I spent a while just goign through the photos.

I spent a few hours  wandering the halls trying to find out what was going on with some of my old projects. In doing that I had to walk int placed in the buildings that  I hadn’t been for more than a year.. since before Sam died..   Rather than being akward.. it was really nice.. no one seemed shocked to see me.. no one bombarded me with questions.. folks just seemed happy to see me.. I ended up having a bunch of ‘normal’ conversations about work, life, people…. nothing too intense..It felt good…  

In the same spirit, I had another good conversation with my boss. He and the rest of my management are being incredibly understanding about my situation.. They’re encouraging me without pressuring me… I couldn’t ask for better support.. 

Anyway .. The day passed quickly.. Not much concrete to report there…  I got home in time for yoga.. then we came back in and made dinner for Gabe, Alex and Mason… Just after dinner my new old friend Milton called to continue our catching up. I haven’t seen Milton in about 25 years…   He called me out of the blue a couple of days back. We’ve spent a few days catching up with each other.. it’s so interesting trying to compress your whole life in a half hour call.. It’s hard to frame everything in light of Sam’s passing.. I tried to convey the mix of a great life, a great family  and a great tragedy.. ,  That’s our life….

OK.. now I gotta get the recycling out.. More tomorrow… Gnite all.. gnite Sam
-me

He’s looking for some job leads in Austin… anyone reading this know of some process enginering jobs in Austin ?