I’ve been feeling really sad on and off  for the last couple of days without acknowledging why.. Today on my run I had to admit to myself that it is Sam’s upcoming birthday. Sam would have been turing 18 a week from today.. and I miss him.. I really, really miss him.. with every bone in my body. The thing is, I miss him every hour of every day.

I often tell people that’ special’  days like fathers day and mothers day are not any worse than any other day . The things that make those days differnt is that everyone else puts extra weight on those days.. I am held hostage by my own expectations on myself.

This birthday seems different. Maybe it’s because of high school graduation.. or because all of sam’s friends will be going off to college.. Or maybe I’m just tired of the weight of being sad under the surface all the time..

I found myself crying on and off through the day today.. on my run., in the car, in my office.. That’s something I haven’t done in some time.. and it actually felt good.

Diane and I had a good talk this afternoon.. She always has such a good perspective..    She reminds me.. it’s ok to be sad.. ok to be tender. right now . ok,….

I’m going to try to take it easy this week
ntite all, nite sam
-me