Oy.. it’s late.. Just came in from working on my tesla coil project.. got first light tonight.. that is.. I turned it on.. and it sort of worked.. I went in and ‘fixed’ something else.. now the whole thing isn’t quite working again.. but I’m getting close 🙂

It’s too late to write more.. had a great day.. more tomorrow

nite all, nite Sam

-me

Happy Christmas folks.. it was a fun and easy day for us.. We  stayed  and  in the house the entire day and hung out as a family which was wonderful. We didn’t see another soul all day. . ,.. and .. we’re all still in our pajamas.  !

Sam was on all our minds all day.. we kept his lantern lit through the day.. His nme came up all the time..It’s still amazing to us  that he’s not here…   It gets more real every year.. days like Christmas drive that home.

We spent a really slow and sweet morning exchanging gifts.. we started around 8:30 and didn’t end unitl about 1 The dogs really made out. Chai managed to sneak some stuff out of her stocking when we weren’t looking..   Then the girls had fun fighting over some of their new toys.

We took a short reak for brunch.. seems like we were eating all day !

Before we knew it.. it was dark.. Gabe reminded us that we had a tree to decorate outside.. We do it every year for the animals.  This year we had a bunch of bread that folks had donated to the Richmond foodshelf.. that they were not able use.  We also put out cereal and nuts.. It’s a great tradition.. one of the main parts is to keep our dogs from eating the stuff as we decorated.

One of my favorite parts of the day was hanging out in my santa cap all day.. Here’s my new faceook profile pic..

and here’s me as the real thing.. not far off the mark.. no ?

ok.. it’s 9:30.. and we’re all about to fall asleep.. now that’s a nice day. Hope you all had a great day, too..

nite everyone.. good nite sam.. we miss you so much my son.. happy christmas

-me

Christmas eve.. one of the most complicated days of the year for me.. I’ve never been completely at home in christmas..It’ s not because I’m  Jewish.. believe it or not  as kids. my family celebrated Christmas as much as anyone I knew. . I think it had to do with expectations.. I was never sure what I was supposed to give or get.. or think.. When our kids were little I really got into it.. I liked surprise on Christmas morning.. the kids excitement on Christmas eve…  …

The last four Christmas’s have been very different. I barely remember the first Christmas after Sam’s death .. It had only been 4 weeks. I remember getting through the day…  Today actually felt OK..Even though  i had some really sad  moments during the day..  I was able to enjoy the day, too.. Diane and I took Gabe to Stowe for the morning. .. we snowshoe with the dogs while Gabe rode.

This afternoon  we all came together to finish decorating the tree. This years theme was Zombies.  Max and Gabe made the head out of ski mask, a rubber mouth, some LEDs, some sunglasses and a hat.. .

G

Beautiful !

Around 6 we went up to martha’s for a small Christmas eve gathering.It was great seeing Kevin who’s back from basic training..  Here he is with Gabe in their matching student council vests..

It was a sweet gathering.. I really enjoyed hanging out with our friends this evening.

last stop was tim and jens for a set of karaoke Christmas carols.. I sat these out.. but it was fun to listen..

Now.. it’s time for our long winters nap.. Diane in her kerchief and me in my cap

Merry christmas to all.. and to all a good night..

you too, sam !.. thinking of you very much tonight

-me

I was talking to a friend last night at our party.We were talking about the strange and sometimes wonderful things that you learn from loss and tragedy.. even if you’re not in the market to learn them…

I was thinking about that conversation on my run this morning. I realize that I’ve had to learn a completely different way of writing the letter ‘M’.. Everyday that IO run. I try to write Sam’s name in something.. dirt, leaves, grass, gravel.. and now snow.

What I’ve learned is that the old school  pseudo cursive that I’ve always used… ie, starting at the bottom left, swooping up to  the first peak, then down to the valley., back to the 2nd peak and down… just doesn’t work in sand or snow.   The second peak always gets blurred… You always have to come down into the valley.. from both sides, or the second peak doesn’t work.   You do the first peak as always.. than either do the other peak in reverse.. or start at the top and do the left and right lines from there… … never thought of it before.. but now I do.. every day

There are many things different about our lives now..the holiday season tends to amplify those differences. not all of them sad.. some are …

It takes getting used to..and that may just take forever.

Nite all.. nite sam

-me