Yearly Archives: 2010

Friday night – 18 years

Today , Sam would have been 18 years old.. Unbelievable..  The day passed wiht laughter, tears, memory… and lots of house cleaning.. like almost any other day around here.

 What would Sam have been like ? I’m guessing that

he’d be much the same as he was.. beutiful, athletic. mischievous..

caring.. and fun… .. I’ll bet he’d really enjoy being 18 and the

freedom that would bring..  

I miss him so much that I can feel it in my bones… .. I hope he somehow knows how much we and his friends miss him.. and celebrate his life every day..

Happy birthday my beautiful son.

A bunch of freinds showed up for our annual birthday remembrance for Sam.. lots of his freinds. lots of our freinds.. It was fun and festive.. Sam was very much there in spirit. 

People shared memories of sam .. played music.. and showed off there new art..

Food was pot luck  so it was fun and varied..

hThen out came the cakes.. This part was sweet..and sad.. we all drank a red bull tost to Sam and stuffed our faces with cake.

Most then went outside to sit around the fire..

Gabe and I made a ‘burning sam’ again.. I built the fram.. and Gabe led the stuffing of it… I put in soem home made pyrotechnics.. (no booms, though in order to keep the peice wiht the town)

Gabe and I lit the thing with two roman candles.. pretty sweet.. Sam would have LOVED it.

Then we put Sam’s name on a hot air ballon and let it rise into the night

It was a long, sweet and sad day.. I’m glad it went well.. I’m glad it’ over

Happy birthday our sweet Sam..
Nite all.. nite Sam.. We love you now and forever

-me

x

thursday night – not 18

I spent the day trying not to think too much.. which is pointless.. since that itself requires thinking.

Tomorrow sam would turn 18..

It was a day I thought about when he was born..

it was a day I though about when he died..

What is it about 18 ? .. maybe high school graduation ? freedom ? donno….

It’s an important age…  and still an important age for Sam..


One thing I did get done was to refill the pool filter.. as Diane and I removed the sand we came across the samstone we’d placed in there several years ago.. we put in the new sand.. then I put the stone back in.. it makes the pool water freindlier..

Putting it in there reminded me that a few days again we got an invite in the mail to our friend Bob’s wedding. Bob is the guy who had received one of Sam’s kidneys.. he found us when he saw me put the Sam stone in the water filter on the Colony.. He invited us to hsi wending becase Sam made it possible .. Isn’t that very cool ?

It was a nice echo putting this stone in our filter.

I’m trying not to imagine tomorrow.. because it won’t be like i THINK .


Talk to you from there

Nite folks.. I love you sam
-me

Wednesday night – dame's rocket

When I ran this morning the woods were completely filled with sweet smelling pink. white and purple flowers . We’ve allways called them ‘dame rockets’.. but The web has taught me that they are actually

“Dame’s Rocket (Hesperis matronalis)

Dame’s rocket is a showy, short-lived perennial with large, loose clusters of fragrant white, pink or purple flowers… “

We always called them ‘phlox’ as well.. but the same article warns me that

“This species is often confused with garden phlox (Phlox paniculata)”

I grabbed a bunch for Diane and brought them home.

I’ve always looked forward to the day each year when the woods light up with these beutiful flowers.. their color, their smell.. always reminded me of early summer.. of the boys birthdays..   I remember them around at each of their births…

Even now, They still smell sweet to me..

nite folks.. nite sam

-me

Tuesday night – just thinking

On my wyay home tonight after a quick drive to NY.. I was thinking about Sam and his birthday.. and what that means and doesn’t mean. I’m trying to just go with whatever comes to me this week… happy/ sad/ neutral.. My struggle is not to over think .. even not to overthink the whole ‘go with the flow’ thing..Anyway..

As I got home, I was wondering what I’d say about my frame of mind tonight..  A mix of sad / strong / resolved / tired.. I couldn’t figure out what to say…   then I was saved the trouble.. I found a letter from Stacy. Parer’s om.. She’d found two pictures of Parker and Sam in a middle school (6 grade ?) show..

I like seeign how happy the boys are

I think that’s what I’m thinking..
love you all.. love you Sam
– me