I’ve had a slow and quiet day.. Many folks have already taken off for the long weekend… and my laptop were out of commission.. Both lead to a day with lots of space for thinking. I’ve been crying on and off all day.. which kind of surprises me.. I mean I know the reason.. Tomorrow would have been Sam’s 19th birthday. It’s just that I now go many days… sometimes weeks without breaking down.. To do so throughout a day like this hasn’t happened in a long time. I often tell folks that ask me about things like birthdays, that ‘special’  days aren’t really that much harder than  ‘normal’ days.. it’s just that everyone else remembers..

But… that’s not exactly through.. Days like this bring back specific memories more than other.. we remember where we were.. what we did, what we ate.. w.. through pictures we even capture wat we looked like..

As I restored my laptop today I had to go through and copy lots and lots of pictures.. many from before Sam’s passing.. I loved looking at them.. Perhaps it was a special gift to have to go through them today..  I love seeing what a happy and beautiful boy my Sam was.. always a smile.. always active.. it warms my heart…  It also hurts so much…. I remember where I was 19 years ago tonight.. I was right here

Happy almost birthday my son… we love you forever..

ps . Were having aparty to celibrate Max’s graduation and to honor Sam’s Birthday.. Pleease comen and help us congratulate max.. and send some love to Sam .. and congratulate Ian.