Today was hard. We attended the funeral of my cousin Bill and Debra’s son Alan. Alan was only 25

The service was at Ohavi Zedik in Burlington. That place was packed with friends and family. We heard from family. friends and  teachers what an amazing kid Alan was. He was musical, athletic and academically gifted.  Compassionate, dedicated.. politically aware .. and funny in a serous way.. A lot like his dad. We heard from Alan’s grandparents Sandy and Ruth about playing musical improv with Alan and about the stack of books he always borrowed on his visits. We heard great stories from his sister Clara about all she learned sharing a bathroom with Alan. We heard from his music professor at Dartmouth how Alan could make his Sax sing..  and from his friends about his confessions of being a Libertarian . As much as I loved the stories and the music, there was no avoiding the pain of being there.. and seeing Alan’s  family in their grief. Even though we’ve walked this same hard, hard path, I don’t pretend to know hat they were going through.. One thing I’ve learned through Sam’s death is that everyone has to do their own grieving.. no ones path is the same.

After the service we all went to the cemetery.. We watched as Alan’s plain  pine coffin was lowered into the  ground.. Then we all helped cover it with earth. It was so hard to be there.. my heart was breaking.. everyone’s was..

After saying  Kaddish we  left the cemetery  and headed back to Bill and Debra’s … we were all  pretty numb.. Several family members from my Dad’s side of the family were there.. My cuisine John and his wife Jean. My cousins Suzie and her daughter Katie and my great aunt Ellen. I t was so good  having them there … We brought them out to our house for a short visit  which felt good.

now i’m sitting here thinking of Alan wishing him peace and his family strength. They have a lot of love around them.. I know how important that is

nite all, nite sam

-me