Thursday night – he’s in tears it’s been a strange week… Very satisfying in some ways from work and very troubling and others… Usual stuff and unusual stuff all mixed together. One thing I noticed is that I found myself crying a lot… That’s strange for me. As with most guys, crying doesn’t come very easy or often to me .… But this week it happened. Quite a lot… actually. Once.. no wait, maybe twice … with the sad dream, a couple of times over sad poems (Mary Oliver mostly)… Once on a phone call with a friend who mentioned a city I associate with sadness. A few times on sad news from people close to me. Even a work situation… Imagine that.
Once on a phone call with a friend who mentioned a city I associate with sadness. Even a work situation… Imagine that.
None of these were because I was particularly sad… Life is actually pretty good right now and I feel reasonably happy…( knock on simulated wood grained furniture)
And then I “remembered”… That my mother-in-law marcia just died. I say “remembered” because of course I remember… But somehow I had nit associated the sadness coming up through all those in channels…
Our brains and hearts are amazing instrument arent they ?
reminded me that Diane and I had traded Mary Oliver Poems last night. the one she sent I really liked:
“I Worried” – by mary oliver
I worried a lot. Will the garden grow, will the rivers flow in the right direction, will the earth turn as it was taught, and if not how shall I correct it?
Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven, can I do better?
Will I ever be able to sing, even the sparrows can do it and I am, well, hopeless.
Is my eyesight fading or am I just imagining it, am I going to get rheumatism, lockjaw, dementia?
Finally I saw that worrying had come to nothing. And gave it up. And took my old body and went out into the morning, and sang.”
I’ve just discovered scarfs !.. I brought a scarf with me this trip and it has been wonderful . it’s cold and rainy here.. and I put on my scarf.. and it was suddenly warm and cozy..
238 in the morning and just woke up… I made the mistake of lying down when I got To the hotel last night… And I fell instantly asleep. Lights on, coat on…
