Wednesday night – Los Alamos and beyond

We had a great adventure day today. We left Max and Becky’s around nine and headed up to Los Alamos on our way to the San Antonio Hot Springs. Just driving through Los Alamos was interesting because we had to go through security checkpoints coming into town from both directions. The national lab they’re still works mostly a nuclear weapons which is pretty freaky

The countryside around there beautiful though… And we took the long Windee road up towards the San Antonio Hot Springs. The small Forest Road was open so instead of walking 5 miles we got to drive it… Which was only about twice as fast. Literally half an hour to go 5 miles. The Hot Springs themselves were really nice… There was only two other couples there so it was not at all crowded. The water was quite warm… They’re not hot.We tried a bunch of the pools…

Afterwords Dean and I hiked down and took another trail out and had a small picnic. It was very cool red and white color sand everywhere.The countryside could not have been prettier

On the way home we stopped at the greatb Caldera national monument… We are 1,000,000 years ago a giant volcanic don’t irrupt it and then collapsed creating a huge green valley

Our next stop was at the Los Alamos history Museum… We got there with only half an hour to see it… And it was really an interesting place… Pretty unsettling . On one hand it was amazing to see the evidence of the science that brought about the atomic bomb… The dedication secrecy and I can’t help but saying playfulness of these top scientists were gathered there. At the same time I cannot shake or condone what those guys did and creating those weapons… I know it was a tough situation because they had who knows what would’ve happened. Still it was an eerie thing to see. The museum was full of relics of people like Oppenheimer, for me, Grover… Definitely A fascinating place



One of the places you could visit was one of the scientists homes… It was Becky who won the Nobel prize at one point… As many of these guys did.… The house was used to entertain some of the most famous scientist of all times including Oppenheimer, fermi , Feynman… It was a great poster of all of the peoples bare feet prints that was made as a Christmas card… Where else could you see fermi and Feinmen’s and finance foot prints…

Or some of the Nobel prizes

Or use the same bathroom as some of those great scientist… I use the same bathroom as fermi and Feynman.… How cool is that?

The house was really amazing… Lots of relics including a completely reserve the kitchen and maps of what would now be useless bomb shelters

Despite it being a pretty place with lots of great history… Neither of us could shake a solemnity or horror of what this place created…

I also know that the men and women who are working here are doing what they thought was best to train and a very costly and definitely war…

There’s no doubt that the bombs on Hiroshima and Akasaka change the course of the war… And that’s what might’ve happened otherwise might have been cosplayer… But it’s still is a morally impossible calculus.It must’ve been a very Difficult matter for them to personally square

It was a little ironic that was built on the grounds of an ancient native Pueblo.

OK… That’s all for today… I apologize if this is hard to read. I’m dictating it outside with poor light. More tomorrow. Hopefully with better light

Nite all, nite sam

-me

Tuesday night – cactus

Diane and I spent the day working around the house . I did a combo of cleaning, plumbing, and wiring .. very satisfying.. maybe I should try doing this on our house sometime:-)

Max got home just befor 7 and we took a like up near Hindi arroyo .. it was amazingly green because of the record rainfall we’ve been having . The LISH green was an interesting contrast to all the amazing cacti we saw

Somehow Seeing all that cacti I just hungry for sushi… So that’s what we did 🙂

Nite all, nite sam

-me

Monday night – Softening

Pretty much of a workday around here… We did manage to get a rental car today which is no small feat given a huge demand.

I spent most of my day working on the plumbing for a new water softener for Max and Becky

Ask and I just completed the installation and we are just putting it into service… I plan on taking a shower in a couple of seconds to see if it worked

One cool High Point is that Diane made homemade cherry/chocolate oat ice cream as a mid evening treat

Nite all, nite sam

-me

Sunday night – sunflower sutra

It as a quiet day around the house . Max, diane and I worked on several house projects . I worked on a new front porch closet and coat rack built on a book shelf that we bought from a very cool

Guy named Pedro

We ll then worked to hang some sunshades to block some of the blistering sun from scorching beckys plants . That involved wrestling a bunch of 12 foot tall mutant sunflowers already bolting in the Garden

Reminded me or Alan Ginsbergs “sunflower sutra” that my friend Alan made me read once for a movie he was making when we were undergrads at mit

I walked on the banks of the tincan banana dock and sat down under the huge shade of a Southern Pacific locomotive to look at the sunset over the box house hills and cry.
Jack Kerouac sat beside me on a busted rusty iron pole, companion, we thought the same thoughts of the soul, bleak and blue and sad-eyed, surrounded by the gnarled steel roots of trees of machinery.
The oily water on the river mirrored the red sky, sun sank on top of final Frisco peaks, no fish in that stream, no hermit in those mounts, just ourselves rheumy-eyed and hung-over like old bums on the riverbank, tired and wily.
Look at the Sunflower, he said, there was a dead gray shadow against the sky, big as a man, sitting dry on top of a pile of ancient sawdust—
—I rushed up enchanted—it was my first sunflower, memories of Blake—my visions—Harlem
and Hells of the Eastern rivers, bridges clanking Joes Greasy Sandwiches, dead baby carriages, black treadless tires forgotten and unretreaded, the poem of the riverbank, condoms & pots, steel knives, nothing stainless, only the dank muck and the razor-sharp artifacts passing into the past—
and the gray Sunflower poised against the sunset, crackly bleak and dusty with the smut and smog and smoke of olden locomotives in its eye—
corolla of bleary spikes pushed down and broken like a battered crown, seeds fallen out of its face, soon-to-be-toothless mouth of sunny air, sunrays obliterated on its hairy head like a dried wire spiderweb,
leaves stuck out like arms out of the stem, gestures from the sawdust root, broke pieces of plaster fallen out of the black twigs, a dead fly in its ear,
Unholy battered old thing you were, my sunflower O my soul, I loved you then!
The grime was no man’s grime but death and human locomotives,
all that dress of dust, that veil of darkened railroad skin, that smog of cheek, that eyelid black mis’ry, that sooty hand or phallus or protuberance of artificial worse-than-dirt—industrial—modern—all that civilization spotting your crazy golden crown—
and those blear thoughts of death and dusty loveless eyes and ends and withered roots below, in the home-pile of sand and sawdust, rubber dollar bills, skin of machinery, the guts and innards of the weeping coughing car, the empty lonely tincans with their rusty tongues alack, what more could I name, the smoked ashes of some cock cigar, the cunts of wheelbarrows and the milky breasts of cars, wornout asses out of chairs & sphincters of dynamos—all these
entangled in your mummied roots—and you there standing before me in the sunset, all your glory in your form!
A perfect beauty of a sunflower! a perfect excellent lovely sunflower existence! a sweet natural eye to the new hip moon, woke up alive and excited grasping in the sunset shadow sunrise golden monthly breeze!
How many flies buzzed round you innocent of your grime, while you cursed the heavens of the railroad and your flower soul?
Poor dead flower? when did you forget you were a flower? when did you look at your skin and decide you were an impotent dirty old locomotive? the ghost of a locomotive? the specter and shade of a once powerful mad American locomotive?
You were never no locomotive, Sunflower, you were a sunflower!   
And you Locomotive, you are a locomotive, forget me not!
So I grabbed up the skeleton thick sunflower and stuck it at my side like a scepter,
and deliver my sermon to my soul, and Jack’s soul too, and anyone who’ll listen,
—We’re not our skin of grime, we’re not dread bleak dusty imageless locomotives, we’re golden sunflowers inside, blessed by our own seed & hairy naked accomplishment-bodies growing into mad black formal sunflowers in the sunset, spied on by our own eyes under the shadow of the mad locomotive riverbank sunset Frisco hilly tincan evening sitdown vision.
  
Berkeley, 1955

At night max tried out their new grill .. yum

I’m

Starting to feel vacations after only a week !

After dinner max and I worked on installing a new water softener in their basement

I slept like a baby last night

Nite all, nite sam

-me

I walked on the banks of the tincan banana dock and sat down under the huge shade of a Southern Pacific locomotive to look at the sunset over the box house hills and cry.

Jack Kerouac sat beside me on a busted rusty iron pole, companion, we thought the same thoughts of the soul, bleak and blue and sad-eyed, surrounded by the gnarled steel roots of trees of machinery.

The oily water on the river mirrored the red sky, sun sank on top of final Frisco peaks, no fish in that stream, no hermit in those mounts, just ourselves rheumy-eyed and hung-over like old bums on the riverbank, tired and wily.

Look at the Sunflower, he said, there was a dead gray shadow against the sky, big as a man, sitting dry on top of a pile of ancient sawdust—

—I rushed up enchanted—it was my first sunflower, memories of Blake—my visions—Harlem

and Hells of the Eastern rivers, bridges clanking Joes Greasy Sandwiches, dead baby carriages, black treadless tires forgotten and unretreaded, the poem of the riverbank, condoms & pots, steel knives, nothing stainless, only the dank muck and the razor-sharp artifacts passing into the past—

and the gray Sunflower poised against the sunset, crackly bleak and dusty with the smut and smog and smoke of olden locomotives in its eye—

corolla of bleary spikes pushed down and broken like a battered crown, seeds fallen out of its face, soon-to-be-toothless mouth of sunny air, sunrays obliterated on its hairy head like a dried wire spiderweb,

leaves stuck out like arms out of the stem, gestures from the sawdust root, broke pieces of plaster fallen out of the black twigs, a dead fly in its ear,

Unholy battered old thing you were, my sunflower O my soul, I loved you then!

The grime was no man’s grime but death and human locomotives,

all that dress of dust, that veil of darkened railroad skin, that smog of cheek, that eyelid of black mis’ry, that sooty hand or phallus or protuberance of artificial worse-than-dirt—industrial—modern—all that civilization spotting your crazy golden crown—

and those blear thoughts of death and dusty loveless eyes and ends and withered roots below, in the home-pile of sand and sawdust, rubber dollar bills, skin of machinery, the guts and innards of the weeping coughing car, the empty lonely tincans with their rusty tongues alack, what more could I name, the smoked ashes of some cock cigar, the cunts of wheelbarrows and the milky breasts of cars, wornout asses out of chairs & sphincters of dynamos—all these

entangled in your mummied roots—and you there standing before me in the sunset, all your glory in your form!

A perfect beauty of a sunflower! a perfect excellent lovely sunflower existence! a sweet natural eye to the new hip moon, woke up alive and excited grasping in the sunset shadow sunrise golden monthly breeze!

How many flies buzzed round you innocent of your grime, while you cursed the heavens of the railroad and your flower soul?

Poor dead flower? when did you forget you were a flower? when did you look at your skin and decide you were an impotent dirty old locomotive? the ghost of a locomotive? the specter and shade of a once powerful mad American locomotive?

You were never no locomotive, Sunflower, you were a sunflower!   

And you Locomotive, you are a locomotive, forget me not!

So I grabbed up the skeleton thick sunflower and stuck it at my side like a scepter,

and deliver my sermon to my soul, and Jack’s soul too, and anyone who’ll listen,

—We’re not our skin of grime, we’re not dread bleak dusty imageless locomotives, we’re golden sunflowers inside, blessed by our own seed & hairy naked accomplishment-bodies growing into mad black formal sunflowers in the sunset, spied on by our own eyes under the shadow of the mad locomotive riverbank sunset Frisco hilly tincan evening sitdown vision.

  
Berkeley, 1955