It’s 7PM and I’m trying to see if I can get my blogging in a little earlier in the day. Most night now I’m doing it around 1-AM.. when I should be getting some sleep.. We’ll see how this goes.

Today was an emotional day for me. I can’t remember a more beautiful spring day.. I woke up earlier than I meant to.. We’d been up till about 3 with the after prom parry. I know that I was dreaming about Sam when I woke, I had a sad/sweet feeling..   It seems that set tone for the whole day.  I wandered downstairs and found the house still full of  prom goers.. many still asleep, but not all..  They were all tangled up on various sofas and beds looking pretty peacefull

For some reason I had a tremendous urge to clean the house and yard.. the combination of the fine weather and the availability of a bunch of post-prom helpers in the house kicked me into gear.. By about 1PM  we’d had :

Cleaned up after the party

Cleaned the garage

Gotten rid of a truckload of recycling

Moved  all of the sleds, skis, snowshoes, snow shovels etc up to the attic

Cleaned and vacuumed  the front entrance way and the front stair well

Moved all of the remaining wood which was stacked inside

Cleaned the yard up

Fixed the front door latch

Take down most of the exterior storm windows

Take down all of the interior storm windows

Thoroughly cleaned the ‘office’

Weeded through the mountain of papers, books and magazines that had started to compost near my side of the bed

It was great having the help.. and It felt so good to get all of this done.. at the same time, I was not at all prepared for how hard this  tradition of  swapping the seasons would hit me. Everything I touched, moved, lugged or threw   away took me right back  to Sam: his bike, his scooter, the wood he stacked.. his fishing tackle.. the storm window in his room.. and the attic.. every time I walk into the attic my knees buckle. Through the day I found myself bouncing   unpredictably between whistling and crying.  Diane calls these ‘leaky eye days’. I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why everything  hit me so hard today  Maybe some of it was the reiki session yesterday that helped ‘unblock’ some of these emotion I’m letting go today…..Maybe some of it  was the fine day  ..  I think about how Sam would love this weather..    I know that at least some of it was the seasonal transition.  I see all the flowers and new growth in the wood .. rebirth everywhere … but no  Sam…  All these feelings are hard.. but not bad.. I feel like I’m exercising some muscles that have atrophied and need to be built back up

 Oy….

    As if on cue, Barbara P.. our good friend from the Richmond Congregational Church came buy to check on us… It’s always  so great talking to her.. she’s got great wisdom and love.. her nature is perfectly matched for her job .  We talked about how we were all doing . She had some good insights about the motivational issues that all four of us are facing as we try to go on  with ‘normal’.. We talked abotu the importance of mixing in some ‘not doing’  with all the ‘doing’ we’re doing.  in order to give us enought time to heal. She’s such a good friend.  As always,  I think  Its’ amazing that Barb has the time to come be with us  heathens when she has her own dedicated flock to look after.

    Later in the day, Sam’s old band, Black Knight Vengeance,  came by to practice. They’re thinking about bringing in an additional singer..  We just met Harley today.. he’s a really interesting and thoughtful guy.. great singer too.. He’s also very colorful.. check out this ink !

 

This one is amazing.. he’s got his heart right over his throat chakra.. he said he sings from his heart. If you met him.. you’d know what he means…

Well.. sounds like dinner is getting near.. so I better go help. I hope everyone is enjoying the fine weather… Please send  Sam… and the rest of us…your good vibes when you’re out soaking up Spring.. we could use  that good energy now.. thanks !

-jc