Today is… would have been ?… is… Sam’s 16th birthday. We spent the day thinking about Sam, sending him love and missing him beyond the power of words to explain.. It was a beautiful and fun and incredibly emotional day…. lots of laughs some tears.. overall it felt very good to me. I was at peace, though I missed Sam’s physical presence so much that it heart my heart and body all day…

I woke this morning and looked around the room.. and saw Sam everywhere in our room .. as I do every morning..

After I got Gabe off to school. Diane and I went up to Jen’s to paint SamStones. It was a perfect way to be with Sam.: gently stenciling his name on these stones, again and again.

Eventually, that became to much sitting for me.. I needed to be outside.. so I went for abotu a 6 mile run from Jen’s .. It was a prefect day for it..

I ran by Gillette pond

And stopped in at ‘dead beaver island’ (not really and island at all) where Sam, Gabe and I sometimes camped..

It was prefect day to sight see and just run.. Running is one of my best ways to commune with Sam..

Around 11:0 we went and picked Gabe up from school early and all went to lunch at bridge street. It was a good and important time to all be together.

We then went home and picked up the dogs and drove up to Bolton to hike the fire tower.. The place feels very connected to Sam.. so it felt so right to be there.

Gabe showed us some o f the stumps and trees in the woods that he jumps off of on his board.. eeeek.. I’m glad that I’m seeing them this way for the first time.

We made the top pretty quickly.. I had to make a snow angel !

Our main mission was to visit the fire tower.. that’s where we firstshot Sam’s ashes up in fireworks a few week after his passing.

I had drilled a hole in a SamStone and used that to mount a SamStone on the tower.

We came down and Diane planted some Forget Me Nots around the lifts..

Max and Gabe and I did another sort of forget me not..but lighting a big firework for Sam with a magnifying glass..

You got that right !

Then it was all downhill…

On the way down we saw a small memorial site for ‘Tommy’ costello

We came back home from Bolton and Diane put out Sam’s cake.. it was homemade carrot cake.. his favorite.. It was the hardest moment of the day.. We all held hands.. lit the Sam Candle and the cake, sang happy birthday. and cried.. and laughed. It’s just so weird to not have Sam here.. it was a perfect Sam day.. but no Sam.. it breaks my heart..
It shouldn’t be this way…

Around 6:30 we all headed into Williston to get dinner at Sakuras and a movie.. We ran into Hannah and Barry at Sakura’s doing exactly the same thing.> We sat there talking to them until it was time for them to leave for the movie.. (same one.. Indiana Jones).. but our food still hadn’t come.. We had to run too.. the nice folks at the restaurant offered to refund our money.. but Max had the bright idea to take us over to the movie.. then come back and pick up the food as take out..

The Indiana Jones movie was fun.. bizarre plot.. but good mindless entertainment after an intensely mindful day. Max found a crystal heart on the sidewalk as we came out of the theater. It was a nice sign.

We got home to find two nice notes.. one from Erik.. who got his drivers license today.. he’d chosen to take the test on Sam’s birthday..

And anothe rvery betiful ‘mytery note’ from who knows whom ?

It was 10:30 at night and we still hadn’t eaten.. so we dug into our now take out sushi.. yum !. Then Gabe and I went upstairs to pack for the Ottowa trip. We leave at 5:30 AM tomorrow ! (and it’s 1 now !)

OK.. That’s all for now.. Thanks everyone for taking such good care of us today..we’ve had calls. cards and emails from many friends and relatives.. It”s good that you’re thinking of us today. It really does help.

Well my son.. Happy 16th birthday.. you’ll always be part of us.. We love you so much
-dad