All posts by johncohn

Friday night – Rafe's

I’m writing tonight from Palo Alto California. I’m out here with Max to go see Makerfaire
a huge celebration of making things. Max met me at 7AM this mornign at JFK. It was so good to see Max..He’s living in Brooklyn this summer and   I hadn’t seen him since I’ve gotten back from The Colony..We flew cross country to San Fransisco then hopped Caltrain down to Palo Alto where our friend Laurance met us with a car we could use.. Laurence and her husband Rafe are very dear friends of mine/. Rafe was my suite mate at MIT  some 31 years ago .. (OMG !) Max and I will be staying with them for the two days we’re out here.
   Max and I dropped Larance at home then went out in search of food.. we grabbed soem veggie sushi downtown which was a treat..

then we headed up to the Stanford radio telescope park and foudn a

place to lie down in the shade. Both of us were runnign on very little

sleep. I was out in seconds.

The teelscope itself was looming back in the distance.. It’s quite pretty, actually…

Which is more than I can say for my big toe.. posing here wiht the Standord University clock tower. I always love Stanford.. I got in here for graduate school out decided t go to CMU instead.. it worked out great in pittsburgh.. but it’s always fun to wonder what it would have been lile living here.

Around 5 we headed the short distance back to Rafe and Laurance’s new house.

It was the first tie I’d met their new baby Sophie who’s now 1 and a half…

and only the second time I’ve seen Sabine who’s 4 and a half..   Sabine and I made a lady out of broken cornn chips..   yum !

We went out and got some chineese take out .. then sat around and talked ’till we all nearly fell asleep on the floor.. OK.. truth be told.. only I fell asleep on the floor.  It’ sreally wonderful to be out here with Max.. and with Rafe and his family…

My leasson for the day came from the beer we were drinking.. the label says “Einfach Leben”.. or “live Simply”.. What good advice.. do I think I can ever get my life to ‘simple’ > I’m trying I think
OK.. nite everyone. Nite Sam !
-me

Thursday night – Sam's 17th birthday

It’s 11:30PM on what would have been Sam’s 17th Birthday..   Happy birthday my son.. I hope you can feel the love and respect that we and so many of our friends have for you . I remember every one of your birthdays.. and expect that I’ll remmebr all the ones to come. These days are bittersweet… I miss you so much.. and at the same time.. I love the memories of all of your time with us. You are a remarkable being.. so funny and loving.. and emotionally tuned in.. I feel you that way still…

We still have the sign I made when you were born hanging in the front hall. I look at it often.. I remmeber how proud I was mking it.. juat like the ones I made when both of your brothers were born…

Mom and I wanted to spend soem time outdoors today thinking about you and feelign you close. We took the dogs all the way up the catamount trail and then down honey hollow.. I htink it was about 8 miles.. it was raining.. but beautiful to be outside in..

Mom planted soem forget-me-nots next to a favorite sitting rock we have near a stream crossing at the top of honey hollow

I set off a smokebomb there just for you.

After the hike we picked up Gabe early at school and went out for sushi.. then to a movie (Str Trek.. it was great !).. It felt good to be all together. I left samstones at the resturant and in my seat at the movies.

After the movie, I took Gabe to Lacrosse (he’s really good !.. you’d be so proud !).. then back to CHMS for the science fair.. then home. We’d told a few of sam’s freinds to come by if they felt they wanted to to mark your birthday.. we had almost 40 folks show up. to be here for you.  So many of your good freinds are still in our lives !We feel well loved and supported.

It was cold tonight so mom made a fire.. We all wrote you messages on scrap paper then threw them in the fire for you..

Kase was there with some new ink.. check it out.. it’s got your initals just like Jakes !

We all did a red bull toast then got around the cakes mom made. We sang happy birthday… It was a moment I didn’t know how I’d react to.. but it just felt good.. so much love in the air..

Afterwards your room was packed with kids, the guitars were going.. it felt almost like old times….

almost…..

We’ll my son.. another year.. another milestone.. our love for you still grows. You are forever in our hearts…  I love you
-dad

Wednesday evening – finally crying

It’s about 7:30 wednesday night.. the day before what would be Sam’s 17th brithday.. All today.. all this week really.. I’ve been emotionaly very reserved . I am trying to let go of figureing out how I’m supposed to feel. I’m takign tomorrow off to spend some quiet time .I just spent soem time looking at some pictures of Sam and listening to some music from his memorial… Here’s a song that Max wrote for the service. That finanly let me cry.. and it feels good.

I love you my son..
-me

Monday night – memorial day

We passed a peaceful memorial day doing projects around the house. It was a beautiful cool day .. perfect for working outside.   Towards evening we wandered over to Jane and George’s for a Mmeorial Day cook out..

I was determined ot wear shorts despite the low 50’s outside.. I

eventually had to give up and go put on jeans.. We all huddled together

and talked about our funny town ploitics. It was good connecting with

everyone.

I’ve been sitting here thinkign about Memorial Day and what it means.. It feels strange  that this start of summer vacation is in honor of all the people who have died in all the wars since this country’s creations. I spent time today thinkng of all those war dead, thanking them for their service..  and sending them peace. You’d think with such a day on the calendar we’d learn that war was an outmoded idea. .. but our country is currently fighting wars in at least two countries. It just doesn’t make sense. It stopped makign sense to me the day that Sam died. Whay would anyone kill for an idea ? Why would anyone kill for any reason ?

This Thursday would have been Sam’s 17th birthday. A day we’ll mark and celibrate and cry about.. I feel Sam’s spirit moving through me powerfuly these days . I feel he’s lifting me up.. I nede it this week..   Be with us Sam, we love you.. Gnite

-me