Almost 1Am and I’m just sitting down to blog. Even worse.. I can’t find any glasses.. this will prove once and for all if I can really touch type. My eyes have gotten so bad that I can’t read what I’m typing   (Luckily the font on the spell checker IS big enough to read) . 

 

Not really that much to report today.. I’m in such an altered mental state today.. I can’t really remember much that happened … one thing that’s interesting is that I seem to be getting some really weird and powerful mixed signals for the cosmos.. Normally (when was the last time that word applied?!) .. Normally.. when things are going really well for me.. That is.. my energies are aligned with my life’s purpose.. and I’m more or less harmonious with the world.. lots of really good things start happening to me.. lots of interesting coincidences start popping up.. everything seems to converge. Conversely.. when I’m feeling bad.. I feel out of synch with the world.. and nothing works.. nothing lines up.   I’ve always called this aligning with (or not aligning with) ‘the matrix’..( and  I have been calling it that for more than 32  years.. long before Neo showed up)

The last couple of days I’ve sensing  a pattern that I never remember seeing before.. I feel really low.. particularly about my work.. yet at the same time.. I’m getting a strong cosmic message that I’m in the right path.   On the work part.. I can’t hjelp feeling that I’m leaving so many loose ends at my work.. I’ve really not been effective over the past 10 months .. and all the things I’ve been trying to push forward seem to be falling apart just asI try to switch hears. Part of me wants to stay and try to fx everything.. the other part.. the wiser part.. tells me that I simply can’t..   It really gets me down.. I woke up many time last night thinking about how badly I’ve screwed up   .. On the other hand though.. I’m getting a tremendously good feeling about the new direction I’m taking. Not for any specific reason.. but for the way I’m feeling the world react to my decision to take a break. My coincidence-o-meter is pegged.. the last couple of days have been jam packed with unexplainable connections  . Normally this would mean that I was perfectly aligned with the world and everything was falling into place. When that happens I feel like I’m riding the crest of a powerful wave…  Right now though.. I feel like I’m in a deep rut..  Avery few of these coincidences  include:

– a call from out of the blue from my  old friend Jay   He’s been writing a new (and really excellent) ‘holistic engineering’ text for college undergraduates. He was calling to ask me to help write a version of this book for us in high schools.. Wouldn’t that be cool (though Dinae reminds me that the four books I’ve helped write have been among the worst experiences of my lifeJ .. ). It’s a coincidence of sorts that this type of outreach activity would land on my lap just as I’m about to start this ‘sabbatical’ at ibm on outreach… But it’s stranger than that.. Jay wants the two of us to collaborate on the book with his brother’s  old college roommate… who’s now the director of the Boston Museum of Science.. who happens to be a friend of my mother’s.. and she’s been trying to  introduce us for a couple of years (Mom.. it’s Yannis)

– Yesterday I was talking to a new friend Courtney C. from California. Courtney has created a program called Science Buddies (http://www.sciencebuddies.org/_ )   which helps kids find science fair project ideas. My friend Craig from AMD had gotten us together around the idea of getting  graduate students in the US to help mentor these projects..  It turns out the Courtney had been pitching this idea to a woman in IBM Almaden who told her she needed to talk to someone in Stan L’s area in IBM’s Corporate Citizenhip and Corporate Affairs .. That will be my department come Nov 1.

 

-About 15 minutes into the call I mentioned a friend of mine that made a business of  of selling those tri-fold cardboard backdrops for science fairs.. She immediately knew I was talking about my biddy Mark O.. She’d just met with him a few days ago in California.. I had lunch with him last Friday in Burling. And Mark lives in Tampa.. pretty freaky.

– Stranger still a few days back.. maybe a week and a half ago.. I called Courtney.. and she told me she was at the NextFest technology fair in LA..   /. The day before I had connected with my old gradate school buddy Paul D.. who I hadn’t spoken with in years. Paul had just moves to Redmond to work for Microsoft.. He also had told me he was going to Next Fest.. I mentioned to Courtney to look out for Paul.. she told me that they’d already met.. in fact they were in adjacent stalls in this huge exhibition center and had been talking all day.

 

– Speaking of Mark. O. I was standing at my window at work today looking at two deer who were right outside the window.. That was strange enough.. but as I stood there.. a guy I’d never seen come up to me and introduced himself as Tom R.. He was a boyhood friend of the same Mark O’s.. he just wanted to introduce himself.

-As part of my new rotational job I’ve been asked to help brainstorm on how video game technology might be used to help kids understand environmental issues.. Completely coincidently I was asked  today to join a brainstorming session n that exact topic with the Echo center.. and my new friends at Champlain College

 

Actually.. the list keeps on going.. it may not sem like much to you gentle reader.. but too me.. there’s a powerful magic when this many things start to align  I should also say that I feel that Sam so strongly in all of these connections. I can’t explain how.. but I fel him so powerfully right now..

 

OK.. I’m rambling.. It’s almost 2 and I need to sleep.. How this is legiblele and intelligible.. I can’t read it without my glasses..   

 

Gnite all. Gnite Sam

 

-me

 

Today Diane, Gabe and I had to go to the hospital to get immunizations for our trip to India. 

Gabe helps me remember where we parked

It was the first time I’d been in the new FAHC building. In fact  it was the first time I’d been in a hospital since Sam’s passing. It was hard being there  for me.. really hard.  We had planned an hour for this meeting, but it took twice that, We met with a cool doctor that told us more than we would ever want to know about types of bugs, germs, fungi and parasites that we’re going to be traveling with us on this trip.   It’s a wonder anyone goes anywhere give what we heard.  We were offered a menu of  immunizations . The doc was not allowed to tell us what to do.. only lay out the options. It felt like a combination of game show and some sort of twisted restaurant.  I ordered ala cart.. I chose the Hepatitis A and the DPT injection.. I ordered it intramuscular.. just the way I like it. I had oral Typhus for desert. Gabe and Diane ordered light.. they both opted just for the Hepatitis A.

 Gabe tries to hide

In the consulting room

Dinae is brave

Gabe is brave

John’s a chicken

other arm

all done

and here’s dessert

You know the whole thing had two   parallels  for me.  OK.. first the hard one.  I had been walking around for 4 days knowing that I was going to get at least one shot today..  I woke up for  the last few days knowing that I was going to have something unpleasant and painful today.. Just like now.. I wake every morning knowing that I am going to go around missing Sam.. feeling that pain.   Sometimes really bad..  It’s a very hard way to live.. On the other hand.. the event itself, the shot.. did not hurt like I had imagined. The anticipation of it hurting was so much worse than the actual event. Again another parallel.. my anticipation of how bad I think I’m going to feel in the future.. especially on certain days like birthdays… never seems to be as bad as I expect…OK.. not too deep.. but it’s  the kind of analysis I can’t seem to help doing every moment of every day.

 

One cool thing that happened through the day is I kept getting notes from folks who were in the audience at the talk I gave in Cambridge yesterday. Folks were writing to thank me for being honest about the work life balance question when I talked about Sam’s death Several of them told me about their own  stories which were cool to hear.

 

Speaking of stories… We got some word from our friends Mason, Rusty, Tyler and Alex  traveling in Europe.. Here’s a note we got from Tyler‘s mom Gretchen..

 

 

> HI Diane,

>

> The boys are in London at a State Radio concert as I write.  I also just

> met the new neighbors who moved in across the street.  The young woman I

> met is a friend of Chad‘s from ….State Radio.  (Another coincidence in

> life.) This woman grew up with Chad, they played together alot as little

> kdis.

>

> Tyler called yesterday. They are all doing well.  They seem to be having a

> grand time.  I guess Alex walker (Mowalka)  and Tyler took a walk around

> London at 10pm on sunday night.  He said they walked around for 2 hours.

> I don’t know if it was during his night walk or during the day, but they

> went by Big Ben and the parliament.  Tyler did mention things are expensive

> over there.  They were getting ready to have their first “real meal” since

> landing in Dublin.  I guess bread and cheese have been sustaining them.

> They went to the market and bought food to cook AND wine to drink.  It is

> my understanding it doesn’t cost much more than the bottled water.

>

> Tomorrow at 5 am they have to be at the train station to board for the

> trip to Amsterdam.  They take a train to Harwich, then a 6 hour ferry

> ride, then another train up to Amsterdam where Marshall‘s niece lives.

> Lisa said they’ve already stocked the frig for the boys.  Lisa is the one

> getting married in a month in Italy.  We will meet the boys there.

>

> Namaste,.  Gretchen

>

>

 

 

It’s fun to track their travels.. My travels are now taking me to bed.. More tomorrow !

Nite all.. nite Sam

 

-me

 

11PM and just home from an 800 mile loop that included Brooklyn, Armonk, and Cambridge. At one level I really enjoy trips like this. I really love all the quiet uninterrupted personal time while driving. At the same time I miss my family like crazy when I’m away. I’m really going t be ratcheting back on travel when I take this new temporary assignment in November.

 

Today was fun and productive. It started at Ruchir and Rashi’s.. As always, those guys were amazing hosts. By the time I got down for breakfast this morning, Rashi was already cooking breakfast… today it was delicious pancakes made of fermented rice and lentils mixed with onion and peppers. It was so tasty..

After a  quick breakfast, I got on the road for Cambridge. I was on work calls in route all the way. Phone calls make the miles really melt away.  It seemed like the 3 hour drive took about 20 minutes.

 I get these messages every time I drive

I got to Cambridge around noon,  jus tin time to be able to help host one of the lunch tables at the seminar I was speaking at. This is one of my favorite aspects of my job.. the ability to sit down and talk to large groups of new, smart and motivated people all the  time. These folks were  about 150  mid career ‘high potential’ technical employees from our software, services and research organizations. I learned so much by talking to them.

After lunch I had a bunch of day job stuff to do.. Around 2:30 I wondered down to give my talk on technical career development. Like always, I was so nervous before the talk.. I was having trouble getting myself jazzed to give a fun and inspiring talk… ‘fun’ is hard to do on demand.. and given how low I’ve been feeling lately.. I was worried.. Somehow, though.. when they told me to start talking.. I started having fun.. and the talk went pretty well.  One interesting observation from this group is that most of them have change jobs several times even though they’ve only been around for 10 years or so. I told them that I was a poor role model for them because I’m basically in the same job  I was hired into in 1981.   Maybe that why  taking this  new rotational assignment feels like such a big deal to me.,

 

After my talk I moderated a career panel which had  4 senior technical folks from different  organizations.

It was great getting these folks perspective on career dos and don’ts. I got much out of listening to them..   One of the questions we got as a panel was about work-life balance.. The women asked if we had made many life compromises to advance in the company.. The panel had some great comments on that… Then I added my story about Sam’s passing. I told them that I had done a bunch of questioning  over the last 10 months about work-life issues. Had I worked to hard ? too much ? to intensely.. I admitted that even though I’ve still had lots of fun, I think I’ve worried too much about work stuff over the past  26 year.  I also know that Sam’s passing has really fundamentally changed the way I view my priorities. Talking about it got me pretty choked up.. but I got my thoughts out.  I knew I had to talk about Sam in that forum.. yet I was also worried  about the  effect that story might have on the crowd. The response was actually wonderful. I had some many folks come up and talk to me about Sam after the talk. It made me happy that I’d responded to the panel question from my heart. 

 

The panel was over a bit after 4… It was 4:30 by the time I got out of there. I had a 5-6 meeting I had to pre for .. so I fund a spare office and got to work… After my meeting I grabbed a quick byte in the  Cambridge Mall food court. This was the same place that Sam and I had eaten when we were down here 4 years ago on a field trip..  

I then found my car and started heading north. There was a beautiful moon rising and the traffic was light.

It was a great evening for driving.    My one disappointment was that I was too late to catch  Hooksett Fireworks.. (though I had a nice phone call with the great lady that owns the place)..

 

Now that I’m home I’m really, really tired.. Time for bed..   I walked upstaris and found that soemone  had booby trapped the stairs with a taling skeleton.. (Gabe ?!?)

Talk to you all tomorrow

 

-‘Nite all.. ‘Nite Sam.

 

-me

 

 

Greetings from Somers NY. I spent the day at IBM Headquarters trying to jungle too many things. My day got off to a strange start when I realized that the only footwear I had with me was my Birkenstocks.. It s pretty typical of the lapses in mindfulness  that I find my self making all the time now. I was thinking that I would look pretty snazzy with my slacks and sport coat and sandals.. I was about to go into my meeting when I realized that my real shoes were in a separate bag  in the car..  One embarrassment avoided…

 

This morning I attended a conference for new-ish employees.. I say new-ish because thaty all had somewhere between 0 and 10 years of service. There were some  good kick off  talks including ones from My bosses boss.. and my friend Kerrie from Ca.   I co-lead a panel on patents and IP.. It went well enough.. not great.. but lots of questions and a few laughs.

Me in the IBM Learning Cneter Cafeteria

I spent the afternoon bouncing back and forth between day-job meetings and some early ramp up on my rotational assignment.  I met with my buddy Tim-from-Texas about a video project that we’re planning on doing. He’s going to be really fun to work with. I also met with the outreach team.  I really like  the folks I’m going to be working with.

Friends Nora, Eric and Grace

I’m also  starting to get a better idea of what I’ll be able to do for them. I’m nervous and excited about the new challenge.. I guess you’ll all follow me on that journey.. again.. I plan to transition at the beginning of Nov.

 

My day job meetings ran until about 7… I grabbed a quick snack with my friend Jeff from Minnesota who was in for the same early tenure conference.. then I headed out to Ruchir and Rashi’s

 

I got here about 8:30 . I’d been feeling so blue all day.. (Big Blue !)..   Ruchir gave me a big hug when I walked in the door and that made me realize that that was what I’d been needing all day. It feels like a home away from home here.

 

The two kids, Isha(7) and Anika (nearly 3) were sitting at the table ready to eat. Rashi was making fresh pratha it smelled, looked  and tasted wonderful as usual.    We had lotus bean curry, dahl , pratha, potato broccoli curry ,and  fresh mint/coriander chutney .. What’s more they had some really good hot mango and lime pickle.. Even the though of that makes my mouth water

 Yumm !

After A nice leisurely dinner.. I goofed around with the kids.. we read some books, played with my glasses.. and took these  flattering portraits. 

 Isha in my glasses

Anika trys them on too

Ooop.. It’s late again.. I have an early day tomorrow.. so I’ll end here..

 

Subha ratri (good night)  everyone . Subha ratri Sam

 

-me

 ps. Gabe just posted this awsome cork 720 form me.. Check this out