Quiet day today. I worked at home all day which was nice. I was considerably more productive and more optimistic today.   Our moods are like the weather these days.. you get what you get… and you know they’ll change.  One good thing about working at home is that I can do mindless manual labor while I’m on teleconferences.  One big accomplishment over the past two days is that I managed to buff out the scratches in the viewing screen of my trusty camera.. the one I use for photos in this blog. That poor camera is only 6 months old.. but it looks so beat up . I’m always jamming it in my pockets with whatever else might be in there : keys, cell pones, SamStones.. As a result, the viewing screen had been scratched to the point that it was very hard to use. Someone gave me the suggestion of using a mild abrasive like Brasso to buff out the scratches.. Over several hours I was able to use a cloth with progressively finer abrasives (Brasso-> copper cleaner -> silver polish -> toothpaste) to bring the screen back to pristine clarity.. it was so cool to watch !  I was so proud of my handiwork, that I tried to get a picture of the screen … It’s hard to do. I tried with a set of mirrors.. you can’t see the screen very well.. but you can see me reflected..  ..

 

I couldn’t help notice the look in my eyes here.. It’s like the spark is out even as I was doing this weird and fun picture. I reflected (ugh) on that for a while…. Even talked it over with Diane. Sometimes what I’m doing.. as reflected in my life at work or around town or in this blog is not always 100 %  how I’m feeling. As I’ve said in the past I do think about what I’m going to write here. I sometimes have to edit/omit stuff that’s too deep or too sad or too personal to relate in a public way like this. I hope  that people understand that. Somehow writing the slightly more upbeat story here serves as a kind of therapy. I can go back and read what I wrote and view things a little bit more optimistically.. it’s kind of a bootstrap thing. Does that make sense ?

That was today’s ruminations..  I did break and had lucn with my friend Pooja who was up visitng from IBM Fishkill, BY. We had more NY friends in this evening.   My friends Katherine. Kevin and their 4 boys were up visiting in VT for a week.  They stopped by for dinner. We had a blast.. Their kids are all so funny. Diane made a delicious pesto dinner then we all went outside and did the male bonding activity of  BSO (blowing stuff up) .   In the middle there we got a quick lesson in juggling !

 

OK.. now to bed. Tomorrow is Diane and my 21^st anniversary.. We plan to hike a mountain as has been our custom. Like all days now.. I’m sure it will be bittersweet,  I will say that I’m incredibly blessed  to be married to such a loving, strong and fun person. I love you forever Diane

I love my family…

-me

 

The whole house was a awake by 7 this morning for the first time since last June. Today was Gabe’s first day of 6th grade and we wanted to give him a good send off. I’d only been asleep for abotu 3.5 hours…  but I dragged myself downstairs just after Gabe slithered down. Diane was wide awake and making waffles ! It was nice all beign together in the morning like that. It was also very different with just the 3 of us. We aer determined to make it as ‘ok’ as we can…That’s our main purpose in life right now

   Gabe packed his stuff into Sam’s old High Cascade backpack, hugged Diane and off we went. 

It felt kinda good being up that early (7:30).. It always surprising me that so many people are moving around at that time of the day. There were huge lines to get into the school parking lot since everyone wanted to escort their darlings to their desks.. No such treatment for Gabe.. I dumped him at the curb and sped off….   He actully seemed to be looking forward to the start of classes.

  I went home and started to meditate.. Next thing I knew it was 10 AM . I dragged myself out of bed and started working. I had planned on taking the week off.. but after shifting my vacation to start last Thursday, I figured I should try to get 2 days of work in this week. My mailbox was crammed from being off the last four days.. so I spent my day digging through my mail and calling in to meetings . I tell you. though… it’s been very tough the last few weeks. My ability to concentrate on work is near zero at this point. It’s a surprise to me.. even though it probably shouldn’t be… that I seem to be stalling so badly now after working back to a fair level of effectivness over the summer. That lead me to an expectation of continuing to slowly build back… I keep learning that there are problems with any expectations. My main refuge now is staying rigourously in the present.. not worrying about the future or the past.. just like  I had to do in the few months after Sam’s passing. The present is a nice place actually.. few worries or fears, lots going on.. and everythign that happens to you feels like a surprise.. Unfortunately it’s not that conducive to getting things done, driving strategies, makign a living, etc. I think I’m just going to have to cut back a little between now and November to keep sane….

   As Punchy as I was, I did manage to make it throught the day..  I got home and hung out a while with Diane and Gabe.. Around 7:30 Bert, Angus, Chris, and Max E. came over to show us the Snowboard movie they’ve made and deadicated to Sam. It’s called ‘The ToGnar Project’ .. as in ‘totally gnarly’.. It’s really excellent.. great shooting, great editing, excellent music  and trick skiing and boarding. There are lots of good ‘outtakes’ mixed in with it too.

 Our pondskiminng on the raft even made it into the credits.. . The last scene it the guys picking up the flag we left on the fire tower the day we lit off fireworks with Sam’s ashes. The flag had fallen down and the guys pinned it back up… It was a great bittersweet image.

The guys are printing up a bunch of copies and giving them out to folks who doante to Sam’s Foundation. I’ll post a trailer and details on when/wher the first screening will be.. and where you can get a copy.  WThese guys are just wonderful to do that. e are absolutely blown aaway by this kindness.

OK.. all for now. I need to sleep.. more tomorrow. Gnite all, g’nite Sam

-me

ps/ Diane and I were out talkign outside after the movie kids left. One of the barn spotlights blinked on at us then went out again.. even though no one was within 50 feet of the barn… Sometimes I think that stuff just has to be Sam….

I have to blog quickly tonight. Gabe and I are heading out for soem canoe camping tonight on an island in the Winooski. We’ve been trying to do it for the last couple of weeks.. and tonight looks like the perfect night.
   I took the day off today just to hang with Gabe and Diane. It was very layed back. We didn’t do much at all…  I got a massage at Marcie’s which was really nice and relaxing. When I got home the three of us  went up to Deb’s to meet with the Friends of Sam kids who’d just come back from their school supply shopping spree.

They rasied 922 dollars at last night’s event and used the money to purchase school supplies for kidsat CHMS  who have trouble getting all their supplies. It’s really, really inspiring to see these kids do this. The whole thing is their ideas and their effort. they find the causes, schedule and run the events and apply the funds. It’s a great experince for them and a great example for the rest of us..

After Deb’s the three of us went to Triple Buckets to go swimming.This was Diane’s first time there. It’s a beutiful place.. and a beutiful day. We walked up and down the shore looking for waterfalls. We found a nice 15-20 foot jump and jumped in a couple of times (ok.. me just once) … It was right across from the 45 foot jumpt that Sam used to do flip’s off of. Gabe’s even jumped it once. I think I’m going to need to build up to that one.

Gabe tossed a SamStone off it just for fun.

OK.. looks like it’s time to get out in the canoe. More pictures form camping later. Gnite all.. gnite Sam..

-me

OK..   now I need to make up for my short post yesterday. Lots to relate. Yesterday was an important milestone for all of us. We took Max back to Pratt to finish his freshman year.  We’d all worked pretty hard over the past few days to get everything worked out.. housing, registration, packing.. Max had the biggest job.. getting ready to be back out on his own. We’re all very proud of  him for jumping back in.. I know he’s  ready…  

 We got up yesterday around 6 to finish packing the car. We had decided to take the Prius. It took some doing, but we managed to get everything in. That Prius is an amazing car.  

The drive down to NYC was uneventful. Max slept the whole way and Diane and I talked peacefully.

As always.. the drive was easy until the last 20 miles..  which took an hour.   We got to Pratt around 1- ish.

The moment we got out of the car Max started running into old friends. It amazed me how connected he was considering the short 3 months he was there last year.   It felt good to be walking around  the campus. It’s such a cool and beautiful place.. The students there are all so into their craft. It’s a perfect place for Max.

Artwork everywhere !

Lots of trees and green spaces on campus.

Stabile hall.. where Max lives

We got him moved  into his dorm room ,104 Stabile Hall,  the same building as  last year. 

In room 104

An enterprising Stabile kid asks for help

We met his roommate Mankey who’s just moved here for Korea.. then we walked around with Max as he looked for more friends. It didn’t take us long before he found  his friends Dave, Chris, Ryan, and Tin. The last three guys are sharing a very cool dorm room which we got to see.

Tin’s shoe collection

They had a kaleidascope.. cool !

Best of all it was air conditioned !… it was like an oven on the streets.. over 90 and humid.. yuck.

We all went out to grab lunch at a Middle Eastern place on Myrtle St which is filled with restaurants from every part o the world. It was great seeing Max there with his friends

Chris., Tin, Max and Ryan

Around 5 we decided it was time to hit the road again.. Max walked us out to our car.. we all hugged.. and that was it.. I had been  worried about that moment for weeks… but  when it came, .. It felt really good. . I know that Max  going to love being back in school and is going to do well. It felt right.

 Saying goodbye

Max waves us goodbye.. 🙂

Diane and I started back on the long drive home.. We talked  and listened to the radio the whole way back. The second  of the two tearful moments for the day came for me as we listened to ‘this American Life’ around 9PM .  Ira Glass was doing a show on ‘break ups’. Somewhere in there he  played “Love Hurts” the song by Boudleaux Bryant.. Something about that song just hit me. reminded me of Sam.. reminded me of everything.. and I choked up

 Love hurts, love scars,
Love wounds, and marks,
Any heart, not tough,
Or strong, enough
To take a lot of pain,
Take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud
Holds a lot of rain
Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts

 
Glass played the version from Nazareth, but I’m partial to the version from Graham Parsons and Emmylou Harris on Grievous Angel.

The first tearful moment was when I saw Max go and say goodbye to Sam’s rock in our yard  . Love hurts.

 
OK.. so .. those two moments were really hard. yet the day  was very good. Life keeps moving somehow. We got home around 12 and went straight to sleep.

 
Diane woke up early this morning to head up to see her yoga friends at Lucy’s in Richford. I woke up totally alone in the house for the first time in…  actually.. I can’t remember. Diane was in Richford, Max was at Pratt, Gabe was at Dylan’s, Chai was at Jen’s and Sam…. Sam was everywhere around me.   I spent the morning puttering around the house, cleaning, doing laundry, fixing the computer… generally not doing much. My mind was peaceful .It was nice.. Gabe showed up around 11 with Dylan and Steve. They’d made shirts last night at Dylan’s.. Very cool

 

The three of us decided to tube up the Winooski. I drove the van up to the canoe access and biked back. The three of us grabbed tubes and jumped into the Winooski. The water was low and slow.. It took us two  hours to do the 1.5 miles to the canoe access By the time we got there we were f-r-e-e-z-i-n-g.  It was actually  nice being cold after yesterday’s heat.

We got home around 4.. around 5:30 we took off for the Friends of Sam event  at JDK. The FoS had organized a skateboarding night in the basement of JDK. Our good friend David (the ‘K’ in  ‘JDK’)  had offered the use of the skate park in JDK’s basement as part of the fundraiser.

JDK is a design firm that does high concept design for companies all over the world. You can tell that they’re very good at what they do. Their offices are a like a museum of design. Really beautiful !  There was artwork everywhere ..

David at his desk

Downstairs, there were about 80 kids there form 6 till 9 skating, eating pizza, drinking Red Bull  and bidding on hand made items in a silent auction.   It was great seeing all the stuff that folks had made in Sam’s honor. We had Sam shirts, buttons pins,. Artwork, shirts, jewelry.

Sumner made this shirt

Britteny’s artwork !

Jen made this cool mirror

We have a new batch of Samshirts.. More are available at Talent Skatepark !

Nate paineted his first guitar as an auction item.. Amazing !

Our friend Scooby and his friend (didn’t get his name… eeek) were DJ-ing with real vinyl they were truly excellent. The whole place was jumping. 

I don’t know how much they raised.. but I think it was a good night for the Friends of Sam.. I think they’re using the money to buy school supplies or some kids who can’t afford them.  

Hannah, Dave and Adah say goodbye

Jaki baught Sumner’s shirt

Gabe goes for the ring pops

JDK-ites

Kids out mingling

We’re so proud of these kids. Sam would be so proud.

-me