So… sometimes I walk around with a word circulating in my brain without knowing why. Today… the word was ‘verge’…as  in ‘on the verge’ .. It came to me on my run and stuck with me all morning. I finally wrote it down on my trusty palm device.. to get it out of my head.

 On the verge of what ?  ..When it came to me I was standing in the sand pit.. thinking about the times I would bring Sam and Gabe here to play in the sand . I was wondering what it meant. On the verge of tears ? on the verge of a breakdown ? On the verge of depression ? Actually.. weird  as it sounds.. It seemed like I was on the verge of something good ? On the verge of happiness ? a  breakthrough ? Acceptance ? Dunno.. I wondered about it all day. It’s funny how your subconscious tries to talk to you…

 Today was pretty packed .. I started with a 7:30 call with my bosses which is always interesting.. I was barely awake after another 4 hour sleep.

I came downstairs to find Max asleep on the couch.. He was down here trying to escape the heat.   Neither of us function very well above 75 degrees.

The Voices kids were all in the kitchen eating ready to go in to work.. Breakfast has become a big deal around our house..

  I went out for a run in the woods with Chai.. It was a beautiful,  hot morning.. As I ran through the high field up  behind our  house I was thinking of all the times I ran that route before Sam’s passing.. sometime I’d be preoccupied with work.. other time’s I’d be blissfully mindless and happy. I realized that today  I was   almost  happy. That’s real progress.

 
Work was busy as usual. One cool thing that happened was that I had an hour meeting with some folks at the Discovery Channel  brainstorming about ideas for getting kids hooked on science Maybe something will come of our conversation. One of the guys I was talking to used to be the side kick for the original TV Mr. Wizard, Don Hebert  from the 70’s through 80’s (actually Hebert  was the third of 3 TV Wizards…he died last June at age 89)   I think I want to be Mr. Wizard when I grow up.

Mr. Wizard in the 60’s

Mr Wizard in the 90’s

The rest of my day was packed with meetings..  actually.. most of them pretty interesting..  I even managed ot squeeze in getting a new badge for IBM.. always a momentus event becuae you get to see your progrssion in the picutures.. I like my new picture…

Around 5 Diane called me to invite me out for a veggie sushi date.. We met up at Sakuras,  We had a nice quiet  dinner.. which is a rarity these days with all the activity in our lives.. After dinner, Diane drove home.. and I went out to meet my friends Camil. Bob and Marie for a quick beer.

I made it home just before 9 and the house was packed with kids again .. I think we have 10 sleeping here tonight.. It’s very nice…lots of music.. lots of goofiness.

Tomorrow Diane and I are off to Omega institute for a seminar.. I’ll be writing from there for the next 3 days.. hope they have an internet connection. We’ll see. Until then.. g’nite all. G’nite Sam.

-me 

Oy… I’m so  sleepy. I just came back from a very cool night out with my friend Gary and his friend David from MIT.   Gary and David grew up together.

David is a Science historian who’s just written two books on various historical interpretations of science. His last book was on the topic of the moon landing in 1969 and its impact on society. . His previous book was on the evolution of control theory and Cybernetics.. which is close to  my own interests. We talked about how  science and engineering advances are always described in terms of  a ‘heroic’ inventor taking methodical steps towards a glorious purpose.. In reality, almost no major invention is like that. It’s much more likely that the advances are the result of many folks efforts which explores many dead ends and failures before finding some useful result. This stuff is important to me as I want to help more kids begin to think of themselves as inventors. I can tell that this first meeting with Dave is going to be the beginning of an interesting collaboration.

 
The earlier part of my day was pretty slow.. I worked really hard today on IBM stuff. Nothing heroic.. but it was satisfying nonetheless.   I got this picture from Rushir today. He put a samstone in their family shrine.. Very nice

I had meetings until 6:30 PM then I cam home. I was pretty sleepy all day because I didn’t get much sleep at all.. Last night at midnight I’d driven in to the Inn at Essex to have a meeting with my friend Camil…  All the bars were closed  so we opted to walk around Essex Junction  for about 2 hours and talk until about 2 in the morning… We saw some cool bats as we walked

We did lots of work talk.. bit then Camil asked me about Sam.. did I think of him much? I told him ‘of course I do..’ the n proceeded to talk about Sam for about 30 minutes. I’m so glad when someone asks about Sam .. or about us. So many folks worry about bringing  Sam up in conversation.. as if they’re worried that they are going t remind me of something painful.. I know I’ve said it before.. but you’re not going to remind me of anything .. I’m always thinking of Sam.. I welcome questions and the ability to talk about Sam and how my  family  is dong.  . Asking questions like that means that folks care. .. anyway.. I woke up this morning at 7 feeling like I’d only slept 4.5 hours.. which is how I always used to feel…. I went years on 4-6 hours a sleep a night.. and this is how I always felt. Note to self:.. sleep is good.

 
Not much happened this morning.. This afternoon I stumbled across my friends  Dave and Chuck  just after they’d finished teaching a unit on sound at IBM’s Exite  Summer Science Camp for girls . Dave and chuck had some great demos including this one.. which is a rubber membrane stretched over a 12 inch sub woofer. By changing the frequency you drive the speaker, you can change the patterns in the salt grains on the membrane.. May sound strange .. but it’s undeniably cool.

I heard from Gabe today and he’s doing well .He had his 5 year Nadokinak ceremony at camp on Sunday and he said it was great. I’m really happy he’s liking that, Diane and Jen drove up to give the camp some of the SamStones.  they helped create.

I got home around 6:30 just as Diane and Jen were heading off to see Hannah and Avery play a soccer game.. Max was the only one here.. He went out to jump on the tramp while I pretended  work on my blog. I heard him having fun.. so I put down my computer and I went out to jump with Max.. The funny thing about trampoline is that it makes your muscles sore.. particularly  the muscles you use to smile.. My face hurts from laughing every time I get off that thing.

Would Chai like this ?

Guess not !

The last glimmer of sunlight.. on my foot

OK.. time for sleep..   More tomorrow.. g’nite Sam..

-me

My day basically started at 5:30 this afternoon. I know I went to work.. and that I worked hard.. I just can’t remember what I did.. Oh, wait.. two things I do remember..    My friend Brian came in to talk about his IDP (career goals).. and he was wearing a Sam button .. which brightened my day..

And the second thing I remember is that I checked my blood pressure and weight… 163 pounds and decent heart rate and blood pressure.. at least my outsides are working.

Around 4:30  I grabbed my cell phone and took  my last call in the car as I drove up to MMU. I was determined to see some of the movie filming.   It was so great to watch… Today they were filming the ‘Lean Mean Diet Machine’ segment.. It’s with Andrew, Annalise and the ‘young dancers’..(Jade, Katie,. Caitlin, Tana, Hannah, Katherine).. I watched for about an hour.. the kids were looking so good..   Here are some still pictures and a video montage I took…   This movie is going to be just so awesome…

Travis and Raye – aren’t they cute ?

Fake posters for the shoot

Piles of props

Casting calls for tomorrow (Max gets to sleep in)

Rainey at the controls

Andrew and the girls working on ‘Lean mean diet machine’

Make up !

I got home from that about 6:30 and helped Diane shuttle the van down to the park for the kids to use when they pulled the Raft out… Meredith, Caitlyn, Max and Cody took the smaller raft from Jonesville to Richmond.. When we got back, friends Rand and Julie , Eric, Ryan and Parker picked us up for dinner . We went down to the Roadhouse Café in Waterbury. It’s a place that specializes in Louisiana style food.. and lots of great Vegetarian dishes . I had Veggie Etouffe and it was excellent. I really recommend the place. It was good to be out with these guys.. I especially needed to see Eric and Parker. They were with Sam the night of his accident.. We have a very strong bond now with them. It did my heart good to see them both doing well.   It was a really good  evening. We got home around 9:30 and the house was packed with kids.. some in the pool, some on the tramp.. some inside.. They are such great kids…

Ryan, Parker and Eric

Rand, Julie, Ryan, Eric, Parker

We had a great time looking at the pictures and vid’s I took of their filming today.  and eating pizza that Diane made for them.  It’s a really nice sort of Chaos.. eg.  We have 5 cell phones charging and we don’t know whose is whose.. but there’s an interesting symphony of ringtones come from them 24 hours a day.. Never quiet, never dull

.I’ve got to go to a meting now with my friend Camil .. so I’m going to post this now.. More tomorrow.

Gnite all.. gnite Sam

-me

11ish on Monday night. I’m just back from my trip to New York. Coming home always feels so good to me now.. I miss everyone so much when I’m gone.  At the same time it’s harder now.. every time I walk into  the house after being gone because I know that Sam won’t be here..   Oh Sam…

   The trip down and back to New  York was surprisingly easy. There’s lots of good time for thinking in the car. I find I really enjoy that quiet down time now. It really felt good to go to Bill’s house  for Linda’s visiting hours. I now really understand why so many ot the people who where there for us after Sam’s passing   had suffered some loss of their own before.. You really want to reach out to others to help.. It’s like a wave.. I think.

 I woke this morning confused.. I’d stayed up late again blogging.. when my alarm went off, I rolled over and saw this

I couldn’t figure out for a few moments where I was.. then I remembered I was still at Ruchir and Rashi’s . They’d graciously let me stay in their daughter Isha’s room.. while Isha stayed in their room.  It was strange waking up in a kid’s room. I went down stairs and had a great breakfast of rice, peas, potatoes and curry..

Every meal at Ruchir and Rashi’s is a gourmet feat. I really enjoyed my stay with them. Their kids their kids are so beautiful and Rashi’s parents are very cool.  I took a few work calls then Ruchir and I had a great work/personal catch up session..   He’s an amazing guy

They’re Hindu… but they dig the Buddha too

Casa Puri

Around 12 I headed over to IBM Somers for a few meetings with friends there. I had a great meeting with my friend Willow and her colleagues in communications. Willow is going to have a baby in December. It was cool seeing her pregnant. I forgot to smuggle my camera in to get a picture.. darn. We talked about some ideas about better ways to share the cool stuff IBM does with our employees and with kids in schools. I think we actually came up with some good ideas.. I then went up and met with some of my friends in the Academy office.  

 
After that.. I got in the car and headed back towards Vermont…it was pouring so the driving was a little slow.. I had good music.. so I didn’t mind much.  After several hours I pulled off to grab a bite to eat and realized I was in Northahampton Mass, the home of Smith College where my mother went to school. I grabbed a sandwich and drove to the campus.. I’d never been their before and was surprised how sam and how very beautiful it was. I ran back to the car to get a SamStone to place there.. As I was wandering around the green looking for a place to put the stone I noticed a big ornamental lamp on a handsome old building. As I looked at the lamp, it went off then immediately back on and stayed lit. “Thank you Sam:.. I climbed up on the stair railing, stood on my tip toes on the rail and placed the stone on a rock curlicue thingy above the door… It was definitely the right place for it..  

After I placed the stone I called my mom to tell her I was at her alma matter. She got a kick out of that.   The rest of the drive was uneventful.. I got a couple of good calls , listened to some good music and thought about my family..

I got hoe pretty relaxed to find the house full of kids..   It was nice coming back to that warmth

I’m pretty beat.. time for sleep. More tomorrow. G’nite all.. g’nite Sam.

-me