Today was kind of special. We had a short celebration of the release of one of IBM’s high-end servers that’d I’d worked on for several years. It’s always a great day when something we’ve worked on for so long actually gets shipped out the door. Several senior managers  made a special trip to Burlington to say thanks to the  team for all of their hard work.    The celebration itself was good. It’s nice to hear folks say that the stuff we’ve worked so hard on is going to make an impact on the company.. and maybe even the world. There was a part of the presentation where several of the more senior managers got up  on stage and started  to  sing a mangled version of a Billy Joel song (no accounting for taste) . I actually dodged the chance to get up there and make a fool of myself.. I must be slipping  The old John Cohn would never have passed up an opportunity to act like a goofball in front of a large crowd

   My boss, John. Was one of the exec that came up for the day. I got to spend some very good 1:1 time with him talking about work life and how my family and I  are  doing. Again my bosses are being so understanding of my situation.. I really appreciate it (And I’m not just saying that because you may be reading this, John J )    I found a sign today at work and began wearing it around to let folks know that I’m still not back up to full capacity…   II think the sign is working.: no one used any big words on me today J

 

Immediately after work I had a Jolts and Volts show at Camels Hump Middle School . I made a quick stop on the way home because I was starving.. I happened across this piece of chocolate in the store which happens to be in the shape of the state of Vermont. 

Now that’s strange.. It was stranger still for me to buy, let alone eat a full chocolate  bar.. I think my age must be regressing.

 

     I finally got to Camels Hump school tonight about 5:30.. It was funny walking around the middle school. All three boys went here.. Gabe’s in his first year.. I walked by my friend and school secretary Betsy S’s desk looking for a phone book and found a SamStone

 

 Tonight  Science’s  show was for is was a mixed group of 4H kids and cub scouts. It was a very good crowd.. very engaged and curious. I always dedicate my shows these days to Sam.. which gives me the strength to get going.. Once I’m going , it just sort of flows.  Doing this sort of outreach continues to  be my highest and best callings. 

 

It was about 8PM when I finished my show.. My friend Jim was in town so I went to Mexacali to meet him for a beer.. He and I stopped in BestBuy to do a little birthday shopping for Gabe (he turns “12 on June 9^th. While there I ran into Chris, Jake and Mikey. Note that Mickey is wearing a very fashionable hat made out of aluminum foil. He says it keeps the evil rays out of his brain… excellent idea!

   Talking with Jim at Mexicali was fun.. I always feel so welcome there.. They already know what I’m going to order and what I’m going to drink. They treat me well as a regular.. For example.. they gave me a straw to use to write Sam’s name in my cup of hot sauce. What more could I ask ?

    Well.. I’m going to try and do some reading before bed… I’ve got a stack of about six books I’m more tan halfway through.. so many folks have given me some thing to read… My friend Ivy sent me a poem today that reminds me of that

 

Lending Out Books – by Hal Sirowitz

You’re always giving, my therapist said.
You have to learn how to take. Whenever
you meet a woman, the first thing you do
is lend her your books. You think she’ll
have to see you again in order to return them.
But what happens is, she doesn’t have the time
to read them, & she’s afraid if she sees you again
you’ll expect her to talk about them, & will
want to lend her even more. So she
cancels the date. You end up losing
a lot of books. You should borrow hers.

 

 Sleep well everyone.. sleep well Sam.

 

-jc

 

 

I woke early this morning after only four hours sleep. Since one of our cars is in the shop, I’d arranged to hitch a ride in with my buddy Ed… who was picking me up at 7AM.. I had to get in early because I was the kick-off speaker for this years crop of IBM summer interns/.  I really love doing this talk every year. It’s so energizing to talk to a bunch of folks who are at the very beginning of there careers.. They’re so eager and passionate and smart…   I usually give a light hearted talk whish is 30 percent codgerly career advice, 30 percent technical stuff about my area at work.. and about 30 percent science demo’s drawn from the programs I do at schools. The idea is to show these kids that IBM really values outreach..   This is the first time I’ve had to give a talk like this since Sam died.  I got very choked up when I was talking about my wonderful family. I could tell that Sam’s story had a big impact on the audience…. I used Sam’s story to tell them how much I appreciated all that the company had done for me and my family through this difficult time.. I told them that you could really see the company’s character in how they responded to a tragedy like ours..

   It was an interesting transition going from that story to blowing things up, catching things on fire and blasting sparks through the room with all my science gizmos..    I think the audience liked that part of the talk the best…  I had about half of them still hanging around when the meeting was over just to talk.. they were a big help in putting my gear away and cleaning up.. I’d managed to cover a bog  swatch of floor with crushed rice crispies.. yum…

The rest of the day was jam-packed busy but overall uneventful. Back to back phone meetings… At the very end of the day I had the lucky opportunity to meet up with a new friend of mine Craig L. .I’ve written about Craig here before.. Craig and his family’s dagter Amelia was killed in 2004 in a gas explosion t their summer house Craig has put together a group called “fathers Forever’ for men who have lost  children. Craig happened to be up for business.. so we took a walk around the building then did a zillion laps around the parking garage.. It is very helpful for me to talk to someone who share the common experience of grief. So much doesn’t need to be explained. Craig’s insights are really helpful to me.. really, really helpful. I plan on meeting with the Fathers Forever gang next time I’m in Boston.

Around 5:30 Scott, Mary, Mason and Gabe came by IBM to puck me up.. . I rarely get to be the passenger.. .We ended up watching Wayne’s World (excellent, party time) in the car as Scott drove us home  It was so nice out when we got home that we couldn’t go back inside, instead we went out back to play Frisbee . I found a SamStone in the process.

while Max started the grill and cooked some  chicken and fish ‘speedies’ which are marinated meat chinks. They were very popular in Diane’s home town of Endicott NY.  Just as Max took the chicken off the grill, the grill collapsed.. I’m really glad that Max wasn’t hurt when it went..

Unfortunately the fish was still in there. It got  completely covered with ashes.. We took it out and rinsed it and it was better than ever. it had some of that smoky flavor all through it… Good recovery. !  Though we were expecting 5-6 for dinner, we ended up with 10 when Sam’s old band Black Night Vengeance showed up.. It worked out well.. we had tons of food.. it was like an unplanned party… with some really nice guests.. .

Later this evening I got a call from my good  friend Larry from CMU. Larry is at  the Design Automation Conference (DAC)  in San Diego this week. Tonight was the annual Carnegie Mellon U.  reunion . Larry had arraigned to  call me from the party and let me talk to some of my friends. Larry’s daughter Hannah took some cell phone photos of the part so I wouldn’t feel so lonely.

I talked to about 15 very good friends . Many I hadn’t spoken with since Sam’s death. It was both good and hard talking to all those good friends over the phone like that .. So much emotion. And so much distance..  Overall it was very good to connect.  I could tell that our family was very much in everyone’s minds.   

   Every year, the group hires some sort of interesting entertainment for the reception. It was at this same party about 3 years go that the palm reader that the group had hired asked me if I’d lost a child… I wrote about that incident about 4 months ago in this blog.  Tonight they had hired a handwriting analyst.. I sent the following samples…

Here are a few things that she could surmise from my very messy handwriting..

• I’m compassionate, intuitive and willing to take risks
• But I’m doing some of the same old things over and over again…  something doesn’t feel right.. it’s not the right size, it’s not fitting.
• I’m looking back too much. I need to  move forward.. I need to do this in some creative way unhampered by the past
• I’ve got all the info I need.. but I feel the need to keep checking and rechecking. I’m too hung up that things need to be a certain way.. I’m being too ‘persnickety’
• In a month or so, I’ll come in contact with someone who can help me figure out what to do
• I’ve got angels working with me on this transition who are helping me open up to my own creativity
• I need to take a break or vacation sometime in the beginning of September or so… to relax in order to open the door
• I should plan a big trip  in early October (I’m going to India again then)
• By the end of this year, early next year I’ll be meeting many folks who are on the same wavelength as I am. I should look out for an older mentor.. not a relative…
• I should not be trying so hard to change right now.. I should let things transition on their own. I should open myself up to it and let it come.
• Even though I feel I missed the boat (?) something even bigger and better is coming along.. maybe next may ?
• She drew an angel card for me which was freedom.. she said I should concentrate on finding this freedom and enjoying the freedom I have.
• She picked a chakra for me which is the green heart chakra.. which  says that  I’m to follow my heart and follow what is nurturing  in my life.. That will be my path forward

That’s surprisingly insightful and relevant to what I’m going through now.. I’m learning not to be amazed anymore when something like this happens.  What do you think Sam ?

Friends…
    I hope that you will allow me a very short posting for tonight. I just got home (It’s 2AM) afte a really, really, really great Dark Star Orchestra concert that I went to with Max and Jessie. Gary and Forrest graciously drove me home while Max toook jessie home. Dark Star is a greatful dead cover band that plays entire greatful dead shows note fro note…(including mistakes). Tonight they played a show from Chicago in June of 1976 ..they were fantastic.

As always.. live miusic has a great healing power for me.. I had had a very low day.. Mondays seem to be like that pretty often .. I was hardly able to work..
 I came home a little early to catch Diane’s Yoga class that had ben moved a little earlier today. Yoga made my day infinetly better..

 then we went to CHMS to hear Gabe in is end of year concert. He had a good drum solo which was fun..

 After that Max and I went to Higher ground and I picked up our ticket.. I was even able to score one additional ticket for Jessise . Turned out that I bayght the very last ticket.. The show was sold out.. and it was compely packed… Once again as I moved through the crowd several folks came up to me to talk abotu Sam. I just love the supty er get form out commnity.. zI can’t imagine where we’d be with out it…
   Well. right now the support I need is a bed.. I only have about 4 hours to sleep. I have a very ealry morning meeting… Gnite all.. and once again.. sorry for the very short post..
-me

Ps. My firend Dan jsut sent me pictures of the SamStone he placed in Wailing Wall  in Jerusalem.. That’s a very special place for a SamStone.. lots of historey.. lots of meaning. I really appreciate San and his famly’s help here.

.

Busy. Busy day…   Diane was up at 5:30 working on her gardens.. (she’s got them all almost in).   She was out cleanign up after yesterday’s hailstorm. Look what it did to our rhuebarb !

I was a lug and stayed in bed until 7.  There were at least 6 kids sleeping over after an impromptu party after the Voices project fundraiser last night. I like it when we have guests in the morning.

    I puttered around for a while trying to get some of the new shopbot milling  machine software working . My goal is to get the Sam picture on the T-shirts blasted into a piece of  wood. Homer has the machine working beautifully.. the challenge is still the software. I thought I had it all worked out.. I’m able to take the picture into the software, vectorize it and create the commands to send it to the tool… It seems to work very well in the tool simulator…..

 

I was so excited I jumped in the car and drove  the 25 miles to Homer’s to try out the data… I noticed that someone had taped a picture of Sam on the steering wheel of the van.. Nice

Homer and I  decided to start small by just trying to get the ‘peace out’ text on the back of the shirt to work. Unfortunately.. we still have several kinks in the software.. the best we could do was a very nice looking ‘p’ and a weird box…

It’s always fun to watch the mistakes (‘How fascinating.. as Ben Zander would say).. but the mistakes can be pretty interesting/dangerous when you have a 10,000 RPM router bit moving back and forth at high speeds.   I’m going to see if I can get it all strengthened out this week

    I stayed at Homer’s a little too long then had to rush back to Jonesville to intercept Jeff D. and his friends.. They had a science class assignment to do an episode of Mythbusters.

The Myth they chose was to test the possibility of lighting something on fire using a flaming arrow. They got an old archery set from Marshal P and a hay bail to use as a target and set to work.

I recall that the traditional material for flaming arrows was pine pitch.. Lacking that, our first try was an oil soaked rag….  We  quickly found that the oily fire would go out when they fired the arrow.. so.. no luck.

We then started trying other volatile liquids to see if we had better luck. We tried denatured alcohol (stayed burning.. but not hot enough)… and Acetone.. Burned hot.. but went out in flight. Gabe suggested WD40 which worked best of all.. but didn’t stay lit when it hit the hay. I’ve got a healthy fear of gasoline.. so we didn’t try that.. Like all good mythbusters, we decided to up the ante a little when things didn’t work.. We decided to make some ‘rock candy’ incendiaries (don’t try this at home !)  .. Rock candy is made by carefully melting 2 parts by weight sugar with three parts by weight KNO₃ . This has to be done outdoors, over low heat with constant stirring and with proper protective gear. The web tells many stories of this stuff going off in someone’s kitchen.. bad idea.. Anyway.. the resulting moldable carmel-y goo is a great smoke bomb and even greater fire starter. 

We did a few test burns then molded some of it around the tip of one of the arrow. The experiment didn’t work as planned.. The candy burned too well.. .the arrow missed the hay bail and quickly burned in half…

  Our only option was to kick it up one more notch.. We  ended up wrapping magnesium ribbon around an arrow  and lit it with a blow torch. Magnesium burns with an intense bright white light which is very hard to extinguish.

It burned fine.. we just had trouble keeping it on the arrow long enough..    Finally we added a little acetone and rock candy to the hay bale, lit the magnesium and let the arrow fly.. instant inferno.. and wouldn’t you know it.. my camera battery died right before that shot.. You’ll have to take my word that it was beautiful.. so that myth was only pseudo busted.. ut we had a great time trying !

   By that time it was almost 5.. I found this guy slithering into our foundation

Then Gabe, Scott and I went off to do some climbing and play some Frisbee.
I got this picture of Gabe and Scott jumping off a cliff.. They are booth nuts…

   We got back to the house just before six to meet our guest.. Sharon, the ‘dog whisperer’ Believe it or not, Sharon has found that she can channel for animals . Our friends Bill and Gina had her come over and ‘talk’ to their cats.. so we decided to give it a go with Chai… I must admit that  I was very skeptical going into this.. but it was really an incredible experience. Chai came in and lay down peacefully between us for the hour or so we all talked to her..

We learned that Chai loves us all very much.. She does not like us to pick her up or use her for a pillow.. but that she loves  taking walks, runs, getting scratched and loves cheese.   She said that sometimes the activity level in the house is too much for here and she just needs her own space. She told us that she eats rocks because the weight feels good to her.. and makes her feel like she were going to have puppies.. (that made me sad.. she’s neutered)  She  said that taking care of us since Sam died has been exhausting work for her.. and that she longs for things to be the way they were (don’t we all !) She got very excited about the prospect of going back to the Crate Escape to play with the other dogs.. She said that she loves walking with Diane in the woods and sometimes ‘sees’ Sam while she walks with Diane.. That led to a really cool conversation about Sam .. and how he still hovers near us. It felt like Chai continues to have a special relationship with Sam. Then she said that she found the activity in our family to sometimes be exhausting. She said that each of us was zooming around maybe even avoiding the need to talk/think about Sam. .. She wished that the four of us and her would come together more often just to ‘be’ with Sam.   This got the four of us really talking… which was wonderful. It’s true that we only manage to get together by ourselves only a few times a week.. and even then only briefly. Whether it was  really Chai’s thinking.. or just our own thoughts that Sharon was giving voice to… it was a wonderful experience. ( I have to admit.. I think it really was Chai !) . we all felt   really good and relaxed after the session.. Sharon said Chai did too. .. The funny thing is, as soon as Sharon left.. Chai disappeared and did not come back for 30 minutes.. we could not find her anywhere inside or out and she did not come when we called.. which has never happened. We finally found here underneath the pool deck just hanging out. … she just needed a break.

What a cool thing.. if anyone wants Sharon to try talking to their animals.. let us know and we’ll put you in touch…

    Well.. it’s late again… and this has been an incredibly full day.  I need to get some sleep.. goodnight Chai.. Goodnight Sam!

-jc