Note.. I accidently had ‘Browse like a Pirate’ on when I went in to edit this entry.. somehow it piratized my writing. I started to undo it.. but it was funny.. so I’m leaving it.. I hope you all can figure out what I said 🙂

Avast! How are you ?’… I hear it at least 20 times every day.. not ‘how are you’ but ‘how are you’.. I hear the distinct accent on the word  ‘are’ which tells me that someone be askin’ me a real questin’.. not just making  the friendly, mechanical greetin’ I’ve always heard… You may remember early ‘n this blog that I used t’ really struggle when someone asked me how I was.. now I have come t’ really appreciate that extra questin’ which be hidden ‘n the italics  The emphasis on the word ‘are’ that means that they care enough t’ really wonder/worry ’bout how I an’ me family are doin’.. That little bit lifts me every time I hear it…

Yarrr!     I was just outside helpin’ Diane move our fountain back out into the back garden. As we wrestled with the heavy thin’ Diane remarked on the beautiful flowers that had sprouted ‘n the garden. She told me that the lass had not planted them.. it means that one  of our hearties must have come over an’ planted them ‘n anticipatin’ o’ how it would lift our spirits on a day like today… I even think I saw someone do it.. but I can’t remember who it was through the fog o’ those first few weeks.  It’s these kindnesses that allow us  to get through our days…

Blimey!      Tonight was a welcome peaceful evenin’.. Not much happenin’.. not much t’ do. Our matey Eric was over fer  dinner which was a treat.. In honor o’ Eric’s visit, Diane had made Gabe’s favorite cheeseburger burritos… with vegi versions fer us..  Eric  and gabe are still zoomin’ ’round outside an’ ’tis almost 10PM.. It’s great t’ see them goofin’ ’round. Simple pleasures …

Ahoy!

Harrr!     Speakin’ o’ simple pleasures… I’m ’bout t’ take a bath.. I just almost dropped me laptop ‘n the half full (I’m an optimist) tub… I take that as a sign that that’s enough writin’ fer tonight…

Aye aye!    How are you all tonight ? How are you Sam ?

-jc

Ps. I saw this bumper sticker today.. o’ course it made me think o’ our Sam.

Not much to report today.. I woke early and took Chai for a run.. I really felt Sam out there today.   I got to work on the early side to kick of a 3 day meeting I’ve helped pull together at work. I was really worried about how the meeting would go.. It involves quite a few very bright and very opinionated people. Today was really interesting and.. in a weird day-job kind of way.. really fun. We won’t know for a day or so if we have accomplished our main goals.. but for now.. I was happy. It felt good spending a day staring at a set of complicated technical issues.  We only broke once during the day to get lunch… That’s where I took this stunning photo of me and Vickie.. the queen of the IBM lunchroom. She knows everything about everyone.. I think she can read minds, too.

    After lunch it was back to the meeting for the rest of the day. We worked until about 6 then quit. I had invited the whole gang to come over to the house for dinner tonight.. as  I left work to pick up pizzas for dinner a strong wave of sadness   came over me..   I’d been thinking so hard about work today that I didn’t have time to think of much else all day.  At the first quiet moment I had.. a days worth of backed up sadness caught up with me. The lesson to myself here is to make time at lunch or other times to take a walk and service some of this pent up grief before it builds up..

Anyway.. I made it home about 7 at the same time that about 25 of my friends showed up..

It was really nice having all these folks over. Many of them are close friends of mine who are in town for this meeting. The last time they were all in the house was at Sam’s viewing. It was fun having them all together at the house for a much happier occasion.. The evening was quiet and upbeat .. and passed very quickly… my friend Pete showed up near the end and entertained us with some very fine fiddle playing.. Thanks Pete !

   I can hardly keep my eyes open right now.. gotta catch some sleep before an early morning resume of the meetings tomorrow morning. Gnite all.. gnite Sam..

-jc

ps. Max was goofing around with the swap colors feature on my camera and came up with the following picture of our house.. The pattern comes from shadows a tree casts on out house. Pretty freaky.. no ?

 

   This has got to be a very short post tonight.. I’m helping host a 3 day work meeting the next couple of days and I need to get my beauty rest.   Really not much to report today.. I am working hard to  manage my stress level at work by letting people know what I can and cannot handle in my current state of mind.  It seems to be  working well. When I explain to people what I’m capable of doing.. they always seem to understand.  I’m finding that folks are willing to help me get things done…  I’ve never been very good at delegating.. but there’s no time like the present.. now there’s an interesting expression.. there literally is ‘no time like the present’ .

   Outside of work., the day had it’s ups and downs. .it was another absolutely beautiful day.. I took advantage of it this morning to take Chi for a run in the woods. The ground is still a little mushy.. but it’s dry enough to run. I took my normal snowshoe loop but this time it was covered with new flowers and ferns. It could not have been more beautiful. The steep trails back there remind me how out-of shape I get in the winter time.

   I managed to get outside a few times during my work day as well. First I went to lunch with my buddy Paul.. then I took a walk with my friend Jen after lunch .. I find that  being outside in this beautiful weather makes me feel closer to Sam .

   I got home just in time to join Diane’s 6PM yoga class.. as always it was great to go from a hectic work day into a demanding yoga class.. I tell you.. I feel like a wimp next to some of those women in the class.. I always leave the class sore but relaxed…

After yoga, Ma x and Gabe headed into our friend Dan’s apartment to cook dinner.. Diane and I celebrated by eating cauliflower and tofu.. two things the kids would never touch.. it felt like we were getting away with something.

  After inner we got a call from Corporal Covert from the Florida Highway Patrol..  Corporal Covert is handling the investigation around Sam’s accident.. We’ve been waiting several months to get closure  on the accident report. Corporal Covert basically confirmed what we already pretty much knew. There was no outside reasons apparent for Sam’s accident. There was no indication of a malfunction of the crossing signals, there was o indication of excessive speed.. and the driver of the car had the right of way and was not impaired in any way. It’s hard to explain how this information affected me.. In one way.. it was only confirming what I already knew.. in another way it was comforting to finally get some closure on the details.. In a completely different way.. it was so difficult to be on the phone talking in a matter-of-fact way about the details of Sam’s death. It was very hard for me to keep it together.   In the end.. the details of Sam’s accident lined up with every thing else about his death.. no complications no loose ends.. it seems he was ready to go.. we can’t help thinking he had had to leave us for a reason.. if only we knew what it was…

   Oh Sam… we love you..

-dad

 
ps. Kerry B sent me the following picture from lacrosse. Each of the boys on Sam’s old team are carrying Sam’s number ’10’ on their helmets..   We love that..

It’s 7PM and I’m trying to see if I can get my blogging in a little earlier in the day. Most night now I’m doing it around 1-AM.. when I should be getting some sleep.. We’ll see how this goes.

Today was an emotional day for me. I can’t remember a more beautiful spring day.. I woke up earlier than I meant to.. We’d been up till about 3 with the after prom parry. I know that I was dreaming about Sam when I woke, I had a sad/sweet feeling..   It seems that set tone for the whole day.  I wandered downstairs and found the house still full of  prom goers.. many still asleep, but not all..  They were all tangled up on various sofas and beds looking pretty peacefull

For some reason I had a tremendous urge to clean the house and yard.. the combination of the fine weather and the availability of a bunch of post-prom helpers in the house kicked me into gear.. By about 1PM  we’d had :

Cleaned up after the party

Cleaned the garage

Gotten rid of a truckload of recycling

Moved  all of the sleds, skis, snowshoes, snow shovels etc up to the attic

Cleaned and vacuumed  the front entrance way and the front stair well

Moved all of the remaining wood which was stacked inside

Cleaned the yard up

Fixed the front door latch

Take down most of the exterior storm windows

Take down all of the interior storm windows

Thoroughly cleaned the ‘office’

Weeded through the mountain of papers, books and magazines that had started to compost near my side of the bed

It was great having the help.. and It felt so good to get all of this done.. at the same time, I was not at all prepared for how hard this  tradition of  swapping the seasons would hit me. Everything I touched, moved, lugged or threw   away took me right back  to Sam: his bike, his scooter, the wood he stacked.. his fishing tackle.. the storm window in his room.. and the attic.. every time I walk into the attic my knees buckle. Through the day I found myself bouncing   unpredictably between whistling and crying.  Diane calls these ‘leaky eye days’. I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why everything  hit me so hard today  Maybe some of it was the reiki session yesterday that helped ‘unblock’ some of these emotion I’m letting go today…..Maybe some of it  was the fine day  ..  I think about how Sam would love this weather..    I know that at least some of it was the seasonal transition.  I see all the flowers and new growth in the wood .. rebirth everywhere … but no  Sam…  All these feelings are hard.. but not bad.. I feel like I’m exercising some muscles that have atrophied and need to be built back up

 Oy….

    As if on cue, Barbara P.. our good friend from the Richmond Congregational Church came buy to check on us… It’s always  so great talking to her.. she’s got great wisdom and love.. her nature is perfectly matched for her job .  We talked about how we were all doing . She had some good insights about the motivational issues that all four of us are facing as we try to go on  with ‘normal’.. We talked abotu the importance of mixing in some ‘not doing’  with all the ‘doing’ we’re doing.  in order to give us enought time to heal. She’s such a good friend.  As always,  I think  Its’ amazing that Barb has the time to come be with us  heathens when she has her own dedicated flock to look after.

    Later in the day, Sam’s old band, Black Knight Vengeance,  came by to practice. They’re thinking about bringing in an additional singer..  We just met Harley today.. he’s a really interesting and thoughtful guy.. great singer too.. He’s also very colorful.. check out this ink !

This one is amazing.. he’s got his heart right over his throat chakra.. he said he sings from his heart. If you met him.. you’d know what he means…

Well.. sounds like dinner is getting near.. so I better go help. I hope everyone is enjoying the fine weather… Please send  Sam… and the rest of us…your good vibes when you’re out soaking up Spring.. we could use  that good energy now.. thanks !

-jc