Today marks a milestone of sorts for me. I’d promised myself that I’d blog every day for the year following Sam’s passing.. When that first year was up I thought about stopping… but something compelled me to keep at it.. I told myself ‘one more year’.. Now that date has come and gone.. now what ? Should I keep at it ? .. or quit.. or something in-between ? Every other day ? … just when I have something to say.. ? When would that be ? 

Whoa… I’m blogging about blogging….

Well.. today would be one of those examples when it’s a stretch to write … Absolutely nothing happened today… really.. nothing. …. and it’s nice. My goal for this break is to get myself so bored that inspiration  strikes me . … and so far.. no inspiration.

One cool thing to report. though.. Ben, Duane, Homer, Mitch, Eben and I have been brainstomring about an art car for Burning Man….. We have an interesting concept brewing: it’s a 20 foot ferris wheel with couches for seats whihc would be pulled behind a large tractor. I told brother Billy about it and he came up with the following very amazing simulations of the idea… Tell me what you guys think ? Would you get on ?

Today marks the 2nd anniversary of the day I started blogging. That first day was Nov 25th, 2006, 3 days after Sam’s organ donation. Today I can’t even imagine how I had the strength to sit down and write. I’m just so glad that I did.   And I’ve  not missed a day of writing  for the last 731 days (this is a leap year).. No matter what I was doing.. or where I was,(10 countries, deserts, oceans, forests) I took the time to write..  That’s given me   a record of the most difficult thing a father can survive. In the last 2 years Myspace tells me that folks have read this blog 171,294 times… that’s still about 170 -200 folks every day at this point… which is just amazing…. and gratifying. to me…. As I look back over these two years this blog has been a lifesaver to me.. in the most literal way.. somehow writing stuff down became a purpose for me in those early days when I had nothing else to keep me going..  Sometimes I wrote  out of self pity… sometimes it was to share something cool… sometimes.. I had little to say. but.. I just made the time.  I started to do it just for myself…. then I started doing it for family and friends…. Now.. I’m not really sure why I keep doing it..  but I do…  It’s amazing to be able to look back at any day in the last 2 years and figure out what was going on in my life.. Here’s my first entry.. 2 years ago  today.

My beautiful son Sam

Friends,
    Our beutiful son Sam died this Monday while having the time of his life with friends in Florida. . Our feelign of loss is overwhelming.. but so is the feelign of love that we’re getting from our community and family.. Sam was such a special person.  He packed so much living into his fourteen years. He was one of my best friends. Like many people, I  wanted to be more like Sam as I grew up.  He was one of the most honest, true and real people I’ve ever met. He was so passionate about everything he did… his music… his snowboarding.. his sports.. his friends.. his family. I can still feel his strong arms hugging me as he did every day when I came home from work.  Sam is not goign to be around to hug me now.. but I promise to keep his memory alive and pass on his wonderful spirit. All of you reading this blog could do us a big, big favor by doing the same. Pass on the Sam… love your families, love your friends, be true to yourself and be passionate about what you do. The more Sam we pass around.. the better our world is going to be.
   I’m going to do my best to keep blogging for the first year after Sam’s death as a way of working through things.   Our lives are forever changed by losing Sam.. but they are forever brightened by knowing him as only parents can. Remember  Pass on the Sam
Love -John

man, I can’t read that now without crying….. But it’s so good to see through this blog how we’ve managed to keep on living, growing and having fun..
One thing I hope to do through this blog is to give folks reassurance that we’re doing ok.. and that they too can get through whatever the world hands them….

One thing I do want to do on this 2nd anniversary is to remind folks about the importance of organ donation. Our good friend Gary sent me a pointer to a piece that ran on the NPR program ‘The Story’ few days ago. It describes the parallel story between a a family who has to make the choice of donating their child’s heart after a terrible traffic accident.. and the story of the recipient’s family.. I’ve been listening to it for the last half hour and Im all out of tears.. it’s a beautiful and gut wrenching story .. similar to.. but differnt than our own. You can listen to it here…

OK .. I need to go cook dinner.. we have a ton of kids in the house right now.. Thans to all of you who keep reading.. you have no idea how much you’ve helped me…

I love you all. I love you Sam… I’m so glad that I’ve written this about you….
-me

    OK.. I’m bored…. really, really bored.  and I think that’s perfect.  I’m now on week number 2 of my two weeks off and I needed to do nothing for awhile. I needed last week. Sam’s memorial week was hard on me.. and I wasn’t going to get anything done.. anyway.. This week  I’mm hoping that the time off will  recharge me somehow .. and maybe help me find some new spark.. some new inspiration on how I should be directing my life’s energy.. .  I’m trying to get back to a point where I’m clear on my intentions… that usually works. This time last year I was much clearer on where I wanted to go.  I put my intentions ‘out there’  regardign working with kids and science.. and a ton of opportunities landed in my lap..   I need that abundance of ideas now… Diane pointed out that demanding inspiration right now is so ‘left brained’.. Real inspiration usually comes when you’re not looking for it… I haven’t found it yet.. but boredom is a great first step.
    So.. what DID I do today… anything ? … I built  a cool linux workstation for my lab… it’s giving me music out in the lab and is  hooked up to one of my robots and to some of my lab instruments.. and I dug up the inspection port of our septic system. I think that was it… oh.. and I took the dogs for a run. I’ts about 7PM and I’m still in my jammies… Now that’s a vacation day…
    One thing that did happen today is that I learned my new nephews name… Theodore Howard Liddicoat…
Sounds like a statesmen f!   I think they’re going to call him ‘Theo’.    I was wondering about the popularity of those names so I found a baby name wizard… Here’s what it showed.    Theodore was popular areound the time of Teddy Roosevelt… no suprise there…

   

   The last few days have been both sad and uplifting. We’re all pretty emotionally and physically drained after the last few days of observing Sam’s yahrzeit. (I use that yiddish word because I don’t know a word in English for the observance of the date when a loved one dies..) I come away from all these observances feeling blessed that we have such supportive an loving family friends and community. Thaks to all that you who checked in with us in person, by phone email.. or by having us in your heart and thoughts.  
    Not much at all to report for the day.. I do have some ‘leftovers’ from the earlier part of the week that I’d like to share before I loose them.

From the 21st…   we marveled at the way the universe works when my sister and brother-in-law had their 3rd child on the 21st.. the saddest day for us now has a mix of joy in it.

I was on the phone with my sister about an hour after he was born.. (still no name.. though his sister Ellery suggested ‘cucaracha’ !)..   Here’s some of his first words..  ..

..

The other big event of the 21st was Gabe’s circus at CHMS. Circus is an annual talent show event held at the middle school. Gabe’s done it for years.. Sam was also  into it when he was at CHMS.   Gabe and his buddies had the last act in whch they did gymnastics off a springboard. They were flying !

Here’s a video sample

..

Gabe had the idea of doing part of the act in the dark, so I helped wire him and his friend John u with electroluniscent wire..

Here’s a video sample of that

..

Here’s the whole crew after the event.. It was a wonderful tand uplifting thing to see on a sad day. Sam was there in spirit I could tell !

Finally.. I thought this was pretty interesting.. on Friday I picked up a pan off the counter in our kitchen.. the water it left looked like the letters in Sam’s name. Yes, you have to squint your eyes to see …  I guess it all depends on what you want and need to see.   And that’s what I want to see…

OK.. the four of us are off to see a Warren Miller movie. It will be nice to be all together. Max has to head back to Pratt for a day and a half of classes before coming back for Thanksgiving.

Gotta run.. hope you all have a peaceful and restful holiday week. Love you Sam
-me