I’m just totally beat tonight.. I never seemed to be able to get out of second gear all day. I went for a below zero run this morning with Chai ..and that was about all I had all day for genki  (my friend Sharon’s  favorite Japanese work for  ‘get-up and go’) . Sam was with me very much all day.. I found myself talking to him every minute I was alone. I think anyone who saw me doing this would think I was cracking up… maybe I am cracking up… but I don’t think so.   I was able to slide through the day without getting much done beyond some very good personal/work conversations with folks I hadn’t seen since being back at work. In times past I would have been very frustrated and impatient by this slow pace of work.. now I am finding that I often enjoy it.. I do feel like I need to get my energy back up at work pretty soon to start earning my keep again.. It’ll come soon enough.. I’m pretty sure.   

    The high point of my day was Diane’s 6PM yoga class in the barn . We had about 9 folks there tonight.. and as usual I was the only male.. It was my job alone  to represent my  flexi-impaired gender. Diane is a wonderful teacher… her class would be a wonderful stress relief if I had any stress to relive at this point J .  After class, Sam (and our) friends Avery and Rebecca spent a few minutes getting a coat of paint on yesterday’s mitten rack welding project.. Hanna sent me some pictures of our work yesterday.. It was such a  blast working with these girls.

Grinding

 The Finished Product (and proud team)

  Speaking of making things, a week ago Dave-from-Talent and I went over to my friend Paul’s’ to use his cutting laser to design some Sam-themed grip tape for skateboards. We did some work on Sam’s Mayan symbols… I’ve yet to get those on a skateboard. Paul and Dave also cut out a Sam design that Paul’s son Nick had designed.. They stuck it on a skateboard this weekend… It’s really amazing. Drop by Talent to check it out..  Paul just sent me this picture

   We got some other really nice signs of support today. My good friend Kerry’s son Mike decided that he and two buddies were going to do some fundraising for Sam at their upcoming three way birthday party (we really appreciate that Mikey)   We also heard from another frined Mike that he was thinking about donating 5 % of his energy bar business revinue to Sam’s fund.. we love that idea.. Sam was all about Energy. We also got a really wonderful letter from our  friend T. Her husband used a word for Sam that I hadn’t thought of in a long while … Maybe since reading Siddartha many years ago. The word was bodhisattva,  a being who is dedicated to assisting all beings in achieving enlightenment, at the expense of delaying nirvana themselves. Those who knew Sam would probably agree that he was an old and evolved spirit…I like the thought of him coming down to join us for 14 years to pass on some wisdom … and him doing it just for fun..   Namaste my son.. the light in me  greets the light in you on this dark, cold night.

-jc

 

 

Long, and good day…   Started the day with a dream about Sam. Something was trying to erase all of his movies but I was able to stop it. It’s a repeat dream theme about being afraid I’ll start forgetting him. There doesn’t seem to be any chance of that while I’m awake. He was with me all day. .. in a good way. Diane and I spent some time this morning creating a list of all the todo’s we have around Sam’s legacy projects: thanks you notes to print, two scholarships to solidify, the web site to complete.. I find the work that goes into these memorial activities makes feel better.  Action feels good. 

    Around 10. Diane went up to get Sam and our friend’s Hannah. Morgan and Rebecca from up the hill. Avery showed up too.… The girls wanted to learn to weld… which is pretty funny since I’m sort of a beginner myself. We chose a simple practical project to start: a mitten rack. If you’ve ever visited the Townsend’s house in winter you’ll know how practical this will be. We copied the design of  mitten rack that we had.. but decided to super-size it. It was such a blast figuring out the materials, cutting the metal, bending it and welding it all together. I did some demo’s of each of the steps, but the girls did most of the real work. I was so impressed. These women are natural welders (some better than me, I think!)  I felt very close to Sam as I worked with his friends out there in the lab. As the last weld came together we all felt so proud of what we’d built.  All it needs now is some paint and a SamStone on the top and it’ll be ready for use in Hannah’s house.
   After the girls left around 4ish, Diane, Chai and I got out for a great snowshoe. Among other things we talked about one of the books I am reading “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success” by Deepak Chopra…that my friend Julie gave me . Though I’ve never been a big fan of Chopra,  In this book.. as in others of his I’ve seen, he mixes spiritual stuff with advice on how to be materially successful. That said, there are many things I like about this book. One of his main themes is  the importance of living  in the moment, particularly the importance of not denying the facts of the present. He says to resist  the truth of the present  is to spend energy fighting the tide of the whole universe. He doesn’t say that in a fatalistic way.. he says that  each instant you must  take responsibility and make choices on how to shape your own future.   That really resonates with my own sense of how I have to apply this powerful set of messages I’m learning from Sam to steer my life.. I look forward to finishing the book..
    Around 6ish Gabe, Diane, Chai  and I headed up to Jen and Tim’s for a “Friends of Sam’s” meeting. FoS is a group that the kids have put together to do local public service in Sam’s honor. The kids were talking about having a fund raiser in the next couple of months. The kids are doing all the planning; we adults were just there to listen. (and eat !)… While we were up there we made a batch of very yummy instant ice cream with some liquid nitrogen I’d picked up  last week.. We nearly wrecked Tim and Jen’s kitchen freezing stuff (roses, balloons, bananas) and smashing them.   We then watched all of the Super Bowl commercials without having to watch even a second of football.. (Hurray for TiVo !)  We got home around 10:30. Max, Mason and Scott showed up a few minutes later after their successful trip down to Brooklyn. Max had to move some stuff out of his dorm room at Pratt. . It sounds like it was good for him to go down and take that step. He got to see some friends and feels like he’ll be fine fitting back in down there in the fall.   I’m so glad he decided to stay here this semester.
    One last closing piece of news.. Last night there was an MMU Cabaret night. Diane and I almost went but decided to have a quiet at home Sam night (very nice) ..    I heard today that Skanky Green premiered a new song there in Sam’s honor/ It’s called ‘Captain Sam.. Jeff D. sent me the words… I’ll get a recording posted as soon as I can.  Sam, you’re famous!

The Ballad of Captain Sam
By Skanky Green

VERSE 1

Captain Sam was staring
Down a hardline barrel
Positioned for the drop and smiling
He headed down the hill,
Saluting as he came
And flipping upside down he couldn’t help but grin

CHORUS

Relax a bit, you might just have some fun
Don’t take it all so serious
You’ll never live it down
Take the plunge, you might have to take a dive
‘Cause that’s what he would have done
if he was still alive

VERSE 2

Captain Sam he hopped a vessel
bound for Israel
And we all knew, he’d rock the middle east
He walked right in, cracked a grin
very next day he walked out again
And sure enough, ever since then,
there has been peace

CHORUS

VERSE 3

Captain Sam got himself a pirate ship
through somewhat dubious means
He sailed that thing across the ocean
but never once did a man
step across that plank
and the prisoners all swore
their allegiance to the captain

CHORUS

VERSE 4

Two months ago, we heard news
that captain sam had perished
Fighting pygmies in the amazon
outnumbered by a hundred he refused to run
he held them off from dusk to dawn
sam was never afraid
even when the odds were against him
he only feared for those he left behind
and he’s moved on to the next adventure
i think its best we keep his legacy in mind

CHORUS

Max’s in NYC tonight with his friends Mason. Scot and Carl.. Gabe’s at a party.. Diane and I are choosing to have a quiet evening at home… A Sam night.   We need to spend some quiet time with him.
       I’ve had an off-color day…   not in an offensive sense, really.. but everything I’ve been thinking or saying today has come out sounding wrong.  I attribute it all to having started the day with the wrong color underwear.   You laugh.. but I think that was it.     I’ve been grouchy, uncharitable and distracted with people all day for no particular reason.  It took me until about 4PM  to figure out what was behind it (beside the underwear I mean)  I realized this afternoon that there was a growing gap between my intention not to sweat the small stuff … and what was going on in my head.
    A great afternoon snowshoe with Diane and our friends Lou and Kathy (and a different color of underwear) have got me back on track this evening.. I’m sitting here listening to the Prairie Home Companion Joke Show.. which is dramatically improving my world view:

 Jokes aside.. I’m thinking tonight how I’m going to resist this return to the old whirlwind of my life I was living before Sam died. and stay in the moment.    Sam was such  a great role model of being in the moment. I heard a great Sam story about that today.. Our friend Deb told Diane about an image of Sam she has from a snowboard competition last year..  I think they were at Sugarbush.. They’d been competing all day when the weather changed. A hail/rain storm came out of nowhere.. As everyone ran for cover…. Sam ripped off his shirt and ran out on the slope and raised his arms to soak up the rain … it was like he was saying ‘bring it on’.. Deb said in a few minutes, a bunch of other kids came out and did the same thing.. If I have my story straight.. I just heard that Sam’s friends Sumner and Ralph got 2^nd and 3^rd in that same competition this morning!

   Gotta go think about dinner now. I’ll  keep to the color theme and  leave you all with a picture that our friend Becky sent of the beautifull rainbow that appeared over our house a couple of weeks before Christmas.   Thanks for sending it Sam..

-jc

It’s about 10:30 on a quiet Friday evening. Diane is out with our friend Anne at a play. Max is playing guitar (beautifully) and Gabe just came in with his friend Trevor. I’m trying to find something to feed the kids for dinner., 10:30 dinners feels almost like normal… I’ll take that as a plus.
     I had lots of Sam stuff going today.. This morning started with a conference call between me, my good friend Jim and his friend John on the topic of our planned work trip to Nicaragua in Sam’s honor. John is an engineer (I think) from Ga Tech who decided it was more fun and fulfilling to help folks in Central America. He and his family started going down to the west coast of Nicaragua in 1999 just after Hurricane Mitch. Shortly after that John created an organization called ‘Amigo’s for Christ’ that brings groups from the US down to rural Nicaragua every year to do service projects like digging latrines, building schools etc.  Jim and John are going to help us organize a service trip sometime in mid/late August for us to go down and help. .   I think it needs to be after Aug 17 for Max to be able to participate.   I know you may be wondering what’s a nice Jewish boy like me doing volunteering for a program called “Amigo’s for Christ” ?   Well after talking to John I’m assured that the work they do is basic people to people help with no religious bias. My ‘secular humanism’ will fit right in. The basic idea is to take a group of at least 10 people down for a week to construct something for a rural town. Adults and kids are welcome..  In addition to the work we’ll be doing along side local workers, we’ll also be visiting the beautiful beaches, volcanoes and rain forests. It’s a beautiful part of the world.  This will be a once in a life time experience for anyone who participates..     I’ll fill folks in as the details firm up.. again.. please let me know if you think you  might be interested in participating. I left the call with John and Jim really excited about this trip.   I’m thankful that my buddy Jim came up with the idea.. B TW.. Jim’s getting his hip replaced on Tuesday.. he’s promised to save us the old one for soup.
    Speaking of soup… I had lunch today with my friend Tom. Tom and his wife lost a son Mark about 8 years ago to cancer… Tom is one of the most interesting and self actualizing guys I  know. I’d asked him to lunch to talk about how he and his family integrated Mark’s death and kept his memory alive It was good being able to talk  to someone who has been through this experience… as Tom said today.. only someone who’s gone through losing a child truly understands what it’s like. It was a very upbeat and positive conversation.. We both enjoyed comparing notes on family, work, life perspective etc. There was even  a certain strange fun in sharing stories of weird things people have said  to us about our loss. Talking to Tom was definitely inspiring.
    Towards the end of the day I stopped by my friend Beth’s house because our mutual friends Peter and Beth were up from New York .  From  there I  went to Browns River Middle School to do  Mad Science show for a group of Cub Scouts. It’s the first show that I’ve done since Sam died. I showed up at about 6 and there was my good,. good friend Ron. Ron and I have worked together for years.. our families have become very close.  Ron had come out to give me moral support I the first show.  I was glad he was there. It felt so strange getting set up for the show.. I kept thing about the times that Sam helped me put on the show when he was younger. It felt like getting back on the horse after being thrown.   Right before it was time to start I had to leave the room to cry.. I did that for about 5 minutes.. then I was good to go. I was pretty choked up as  I started the show and dedicated it to Sam.. Once I got started, though.. It just flowed out of me.. it felt wonderful to be zapping  pickles and shocking kids again. I now know that I can keep doing this outreach which  is truly my calling. I think this is one of the ways I can really honor Sam’s memory . Sam, I certainly felt you  there tonight when the sparks were flying.   I love you my energy boy.

-jc