Once again… Not sure I’ll be able to get to a computer tonight so I’m posting from my blackberry. Gabe Tim and I just got to Killington. S couple of families are renting a house here for a couple of nights so the kids can board. Gabe and I hung out in Richmond today because gabe was still so sick. I ended up sleeping on the floor in the room with him last night because he was having trouble sleeping. He was up every hour or so getting sick. I think he finally fell into a deep sleep around 5 just as Diane was waking up to leave. She needed to come down with the first wave of folks. Gabe and I managed to get back to sleep and slept till 9. He stayed in bed all day with chills abs fever… But he was intent on coming down to Killington tonight. He didn’t want to miss another day on the hill.
Were now at darkside, a snowboarding shop, trying to find a board to rolace the one that was stolen last night. All things considered gabe is in pretty good spirits. I, on the other hand, am best from lack of sleep last night. In a few minutes were heading over to the house to meet up with our friends. It’ll be fun hanging out with folks… If I can stay awake :-).
   We just got to the house.. very limited bandwidth, .. This wll have to be short. I got stuck trying to get up ther driveway. We  couldn’t get the car togo up the hill.. or down the hill…. so I just locked it and left it there. The end of a kind of yucky day.  I got into the house as dinner was nearly ready.. We’re cooking for about 15 folks.. so dinner was a pretty big (and fun) production.. Here’s the under 30 part of our group digging in..

.Sam, you’d love it here.   See you in the woods tomorrow.

-jc

Tough night. I’m sitting on the bed with Gabe who has some sort of stomach bug, poor guy. He has been  pretty miserable for the last hour or so, poor kid.  He seems to be sleeping now which is good. We’re supposed to be leaving tomorrow morning for a 3 day trip with friends to Killington.. But we’ll have to see how he feels in the morning. Gabe getting sick is only part of our trouble for tonight. Shortly before nine Gabe called us from Bolton to tell us his snowboard had been stolen ! What a bummer ! We’d just heard that there were 5 boards stolen yesterday. Gabe’s board is white with skulls on the bottom and is covered with ‘Sam Cohn’ and ‘Sam Forever’ stickers. It’s got to be pretty recognizable. It makes us really sad that someone would take a kids board, especially with the sentimental attachment of the stickers..  Even so.. it’s really no big deal in the cosmic order of things. Things are just things. Our resistance to stuff like this is pretty high at this point. (Gabe just woke up again.. it’s going to be a long night. It’s hard to seem him feeling so crummy).

It’s funny how good stuff comes in with the bad stuff. As we were waiting for Gabe to come down from the mountain with Jen, the members of Sam’s old band, Black Night Vengeance, came by. They’d spent the whole day in a studio recording some songs. The first thing they did after getting out of the studio was to come by to let us hear one of the cuts.. a song about Sam. It sounded phenomenal. . (I’ll  post it and the lyrics as soon as they get a mixed version. ) The guys said they definitely felt Sam there with them while they were recording.. it meant so much to us that they’d make the trip out here at 10PM on a Saturday night to share that with us.

  Speaking of sharing.. Max called tonight from NYC. He was watching the lunar eclipse tonight. We couldn’t see it up here.. I’m glad that he was able to watch it. I think he may even have gotten a picture of it. Max said he’s having a good time being back at Pratt. I know he misses his friends there. Having Max back in NYC even for the week makes me realize how much I would have missed him if he’d gone back to Pratt full time this semester. None of us was ready for him to have done that.

As eventful as the evening has been, the day was pretty quiet.   Four or five kids spent the night here last night after gymnastics.  They all hung out here most of the day which was fun. Around 12, Avery came over with idea of something she wanted to weld.. She’s seen a metal tree sculpture when she and her family were in NYC this week. She brought over a drawing she’d made of it. She and I spent several hours figuring out how make it. We cut 12 18″ lengths of 6mm rod stock and bent them using a torch. We then used the wood stove to anneal part of the wire so we could bend them into branchy looking shapes. We then bundled them all together and Avery welded them together. She’s a better welder than me at this point.  The final product looks a lot like her drawing.   I like making stuff with Sam’s friends.. When I’m doing it.. I think about making stuff with Sam. My workshop is full of projects we started together.  Somehow working with his friends feels like an extension of working with him.

   The last project we were working on was the wall of flattened Red Bull cans.. I’m going to finish that project for you Sam. Want to help ?

-jc

ps. The bread at breakfast yesterday had a hole in the shape of an ‘S’ .. Strange but true….

Today was a good, quiet day. We had heavy snow all day, so it felt very good to be indoors. I worked hard all day and time passed quickly. It still take much longer for me to get anything done. One thing I like about my work now is that folks are so much more willing to share their personal stories with me.   At one point today I had a great IM conversation  with my friend Sybil down in Austin. She shared with me a wonderful song that her friends had written for her when her fiancée passed away 2.5 years ago. I’ll share it with folks as soon as I get the words.   After talking to Sybil, I couldn’t really go beack and do work.-work.. I sifted gears and spent a few hours working on Sam’s SaStone website. I really enjoyed spending a few hours staring at pictures of Sam.. even if they were surrounded by HTML.

The instructor, Ely, is a great guy. He’s a social worker in real life.. we spent a long time talking about dying and healing and gymnastics.. An interesting mix.. My one goal for the  evening was to do a backflip. I’m proud to say that I did a few.. even though I still need to work on my form

.. I also took this movie by doing a flip with the camera in my hand.. It makes me quesy just watching it.

 

After gymnastics,  everyone came over for late dinner and ice cream. There was a pretty good size crow.. It was pretty tame though.. most of the  adults gravitated to the dinner table to work on coloring Mandala’s  It’s very relaxing and cheaper than wallpaper.

    Speaking of drawing.. here’s a picture of Sam’s friend Nate’s new Tattoo.. He had Sam’s Mayan glyphs inked on his arm… (with his parent blessing)..

-jc

 

I’m just sitting down to write in a big, empty house….  Diane’s out shopping for our trip to next week. Max is down at Pratt, Gabe is spending the night up at the mountain and Sam is….is…   So… that’s what my days are like.. The constant  re-realization of how our lives are so changed.

    I’ve actually had the house to myself for a big part of the last three days while the rest of the family zooms around. It’s actually very peaceful here. I generally don’t get much solitude unless it’s on an airplane… It has been a welcome relief from having to be ‘on’ all the time..  I’ve been sleeping late, ..hanging out in my ‘jammies till afternoon , listening to loud music and eating strange food whenever I feel like it.. Don’t get me wrong I’m working hard most of the day.. and getting a good amount  of outdoor exercise  each day.. it’s just that I’m unplugging from work more often… .. I think I’m getting in touch with my inner slacker J

    I’m also using the relative quiet as a chance to be a  ‘witness’ to my own thinking. I’m just observing what happens in my mind without judgment.. and without trying to manipulate my thinking.. as I go through the day….   One thing I observe is how constant Sam’s presence is in my mind. It’s hard to  explain.. It’s not a sad thing at all. It’s like I always have his face in my mind.. he’s positioned slightly up and left of my own heart. always wearing a warm  and knowing smile. I’m amazed at how persistent and strong his presence is with me every waking minute.. he’s there when I wake up, when I eat, when I exercise, when I talk on the phone… he’s here now.  He’s so strong, I’m sometimes surprised I can do anything else .. Most of the time it’s a comfort.. Sometimes I ‘look’ toohard and I can lose myself in sadness.

   Other things I’ve witnessed is how often I talk to myself or to Sam out loud during the day when no one else is around. I think I’ve always talked to myself.. Now I have someone to talk  tooI also am surprised at how often I hear myself sigh..(“oh sam”)  during the day.. or curse for no reason..  I think/hope  this is all good venting though I’ll bet it would a little creepy to hear if anyone else were listening..

   Another thing I observe.. I notice that I’m much slower to stress or to get angry. Those  of you who have known me in the past probably know how wrapped up in my work I could get.. I was/am passionate about my work.. and I could get pretty tense after a day of meetings.. Now I find it so easy.. too easy J to shut the laptop at 6PM and go goof off… That may sound normal.. but it’s nothing I’ve been able to do since I was maybe 8 years old.  Again.. it’s the inner slacker in me yearning to kick back…

   Here’s a real illustration that illustrates my new calm..  Yesterday. our very good friend Deb D. dropped off one of her killer homemade Mac and Cheese’s.  This stuff is really food for the gods.  Tonight, I was eating alone. I  heard that Mac and Cheese singing to me from  the ‘fridge.  I went in to get some . and as I did the whole pan fell out and spilled on the floor..   Normally this would have sent me into a terrible cursing frenzy.. but tonight.. I just  laughed !  .It was pretty funny.. (and given the 5 second rule, I had most of it back in the pan before the dirt on the floor even noticed)..    This is my new Buddah nature.   Thanks to you Sam…

 -jc

ps. Here’s a picture from Diane, Sam and my trip to mexico last June.. What a great time that was