It was a rainy and gloomy day outdoors.. the perfect kind of day to work indoors.
I spent a good part of the day working on the shotgun rail that I’m making for Gabe. I love trying to figure out how to get the shape in my mind to come together for me in metal. It’s like the ultimate ‘making’ material because anything you can imagine, you can make quickly.

Here I am dressed up for metal mayhem.. I still can’t get the smell of burning steel out of my skin and clothes,

I had some MIG metal bending parts to make.. luckily the wood stove was hot enough to work the steel. Someday I’d like a bigger torch so that I could control the heating better.. For now, this will have to do.

 I had a couple of those dope-slap moments today.. first I couldn’t figure out why my metal drop saw wasn’t cutting anything very well.. I looked in and saw that the blade was worn down to a tiny fraction of it’s original size. here’s the old blade and a new blade side by side.

Then … all of a sudden my welds started spattering really badly.. I tried adjusting current and the feeds.. then realize..Doh !… I’m outta gas again. I hope that one of the welding shops is open tomorrow morning so I can get some more.. Id’; like to get this rail finished tomorrow

Gabe and Trevor finally surface about mid day an made themselves a feast.. They went up to the mountain despite todays rain..

In the early afternoon,  our friend Heather from Dragonfly gifts came over to deliver a special gift from Aunt Shaun (thanks Shaun !!!!). We had a great conversation with Heather. She’s a connected spirit for sure. ..

Chai bore the brunt of today’s bad weather. she just had to hang out inside.. Awwww poor Chai !….

THis evening we went to the Hester’s Christmas party.. on the way there I happene to notice the outside temperature.. it was 50 degrees !!!About 30 degrees warmer than normal for this time of year.. Luckily.. the snow cover seems to be holding.. we’ll have to see what tomorrow brings in terms of weather before we can clain that we’ll have a white Christmas.

It was great going to the Hester’s.. There were so many people there that I hadn’t seen in a long while.. I spent a bunch of time talking to my old IBM boss Les and his wife Mimi.. I love those guys and had sort of fallen out of touch. it was great catching up.  

George, Hannah D’s Ob/Gyn was there.. right after I talked to him. My phone rang. It was Hannah !.. She is in the hospital and dilating !  She’s going to have that baby tonight !!!!   Good luck Hannah and Dave.. talk to you in the morning !
 
There was a great sing along at the party.. many voices and some beautiful songs..

One of the songs they sung was Shalom Chavarim ..   the old Hebrew standard, sung as a round.

Peace out everyone.. Peace out my Sam..
-me

It’s the first day of winter and it feels like it. It’s not that cold.. high 20’s and windy.. but the gray sky just signal the long cold months ahead.

The gray skies were the backdrop for Kate T’s funeral at Good Shepard Lutheran this afternoon. It’s hard for me to talk about it much. It is so hard to see a bright young life like Kate’s cut so short. It was also so very hard to see Tom and Beth and family going through this… I felt so sad.. and at the same time.. I felt centered and calm. Death has such a different meaning to me now.  I know that there is nothing that we or anyone can tell them to ease the process of surviving.. … nothing that will make it go quicker..  I  admire their ability to stand in front of the congregation of their friends and talk about Kate.. I know what that takes to do.. Somehow your heart gives you the strength to do what needs to be done. I wish them all peace.. Kate too.. I wish it with all my heart.
  

I remember thinking last year after Sam’s Memorial service that it was so remarkable that everyone there… except us… could leave that place and return to the ‘real’ world and their daily lives.. How could that be ? Still.. I found myself returning home to my workshop to work on a project I’m building for Gabe.    It does feel funky to right about that after writing about Kate…  Still life goes on… It has somehow for us.. never the same.. but it goes on.

The project we’re building is a 10 foot shotgun rail for snowboarding.   Gabe and trevor helped me cut out the leg braces out of 1.5 inch square tube stock.. They seemed to like the sparks.

After half a day in there I have metal dust and splinters in every pore of my body. tomorrow we will  weld on the legs and we can try it out. I find making stuff .. especially stuff for my family.. to be one of the most meditative and healing things I do.

Gabe and Trevor abandoned me on the early side to my sparks in order to bake a pre Christmas cake…   It was yummy.. so it was a good trade-off

Later in the evening we went up to Jen and Tim’s .. Jen’s sister Coco is in town . It was good to see them. Tim was playing bartender and made us drink these weird blue drinks … I’m still seeing things.. I think . 

We spent a good part of dinner trading Sam stories.. Especially ones about the remarkable coincidences we keep having since his passing. We had Chai up there to see there dog Wilbur and cat KrunkBeast.. Their other dog.. and our good friend Freddie died earlier this week. He was a great dog… I could tell that Chai missed him…

I did manage to catch the cat  Krunk playing Katzilla in the Christmas scene.. un for your lives !

We got home around 11.. but Gabe and Trevor were not tired enough to sleep.. They went out and had a snowball fight while they could. The snow’s going to get pretty messy tomorrow.. we’re expecting up to an inch of rain.. on top of the 2 feet of snow.. it’s going to be a mess.

Time  settle into winter..and the holiday week. Keep warm everyone.. old your families tight.. and please send love to Tom, Beth and Kate …

Gnite all.. Goodnight Sam.. We love you
-me

It’s the longest night of the year.. Solstice. One of the few holidays that the earth really owns. It’s always been a time of great reflection for me.. it’s the darkest night of the year.. after months of  growing darker earlier every day.. tomorrow the process will reverse… I look forward to the days getting longer.. the early darkness takes it’s toll on our moods and our strength.

I took today off completely from work. I managed to spend a good part of it running errands but still it was a much welcome break from work. Midday I went to see our friend Heater at Dragonfly gifts.

Heather had helped us with a special Christmas project this year. Her shop is full of really beautiful home made stuff. Heather and her family set up the store after Heather’s brother died in 2003 after a long battle with substance abuse.  Many of the items in the store are on the theme of H.O.P.E.. (Helping Other People Eternally) It’s a great and uplifting place.    It was pretty funny that a few minutes after I walked in the door, the circuit breaker blew and the store went dark.. Heather said it had only happened once before.. and it was earlier that day when I called her… That’s so Sam.

After visiting Heather, I went home Picked up Gabe at school and took him and Trevor up to the mountain. From there, I went back home. picked up Diane and we went to the visiting hours for our friends Tom and Beth’s  daughter Kate. Tom had made a coffin for Kate by hand . She is such a beautiful girl .. with such a spark. It breaks my heart.

It is so hard see Tom and Beth starting to go down the same path that we’ve had to follow. There is so much I want to say to them.. but now is not the time.. there will be lots of time to talk later.. now we just need to listen and be there for them. It was hard to place myself back in that initial pain.. yet at the same time.. I felt strong I wanted to be there for my friends like all the people who were there for us.The Celebration of Kate’s life is tomorrow at 2 at Good Shepard Lutheran. We’ll be there.

All the while we were visiting with Tom and Beth and talking about Kate I felt Sam so close to me.. He’s been right with me all day.. I get that feeling when I need him most.. I went home and looked at his pictures.. and the sculpture in our front yard.

Later in the evening we made a brief visit to see our friend Maureen and participate in her Solstice observation  Solstice is about rebirth.. so it was a good theme for us at this point in our life.   There were about 15-20 of us there tonight.

Maureen did a beautiful short solstice service..

We sat and talked there for a bu.. then wandered home. Max and his friends had set up a solstice fire out in the snow…

It is wonderful having Max and his friends back in the house. Things are sometimes too quite now. We really appreciate it when folks drop by like this

It’s now the 2nd darkest night of the year.. and I can certainly feel it. I drove around most of the day doing holiday shopping in sort of a fog of remembering. It wasn’t as sad as it sounds. There are many happy memories in there.  As I looked for gifts, I found myself wondering what I’d be getting for Sam… I’ve been thinking about the things I will send him this year..: love, connection, appreciation, peace.. fun…. remembering.   We can all give each other gifts like that I find.

This is a season for remembering. Last Saturday there was a Remembrance service at All Children’s Hospital in Clearwater FL where Sam was after the accident. We couldn’t go.. but Parker’s Mom,  Stacy,  went for us. She helped us get a picture of Sam worked into the service and hung a memorial ornament on the tree there on our behalf. Stacy said that it was a beautiful and powerful service remembering about 100 kids who’d died in the hospital in the last couple of years. I can feel the emotion in the room even though I wasn’t present.  I was glad that Stacy was there for us and for herself.

About  two weeks ago Compassionate Friends organized a a worldwide candle lighting as a  remembrance of kids who have died. On that same evening, a few folks form our community participated in a remembrance service at a church in Underhill. Our good friend Gretchen wrote a poem to read at the service. Gretchen’s sister Stephanie died more than 20 years ago when both she and Gretchen were in high school . I just caught up with Gretchen and got her permission to share it here..