A couple of weeks ago I made a pledge to myself to stop worrying.. .. about all sorts of stuff… but mostly about what I want to be when I grow up.. And.. I must admit.. <snap> it didn’t work. As much as I would try and practice mindfulness to turn off the worrying voice.. it still would creep back in and take me somewhere <snap> or somewhen <snap> (why isn’t somewhen a word ?) else.. when I should be here and now.
So.. now I have a different strategy.. it’s a little goofy I know.. but it seems to be working.. I’m wearing a rubber band on my wrist.. and when that monkey mind starts going.. I give it a vigorous snap <snap> or 2.. or generally 3.. And tell myself to let go of the worry. I’ve seen peoeple resort to mechanisms like this to give up smoking, or over eating.. <snap> .. but never worrying.. <snap>
But it <snap> seems to be working <snap, snap, snap> ..
Tonight I’ve been thinking about chakras.. The points in the body that several eastern cultures believe control the flow of energy in our bodies.. While i didn’t grow up with the concept.. I’ve gotten more attached to it as I’ve grown older.. For example. Many of the experiences I had after Sam’s passing would concentrate in these spots heart and head of course.. but the need to speak in my throat chakra , the sense of los felt in your root chakra.. all made sense in a physical sort of way that words can’t really address. Most of the time I find I’m workign to balance the two strongest forces in my nature.. head and heart.. but lately.. I’m starting to feel that I need to work on my power shakra.. in Sanskrit it’s called manipura chakra.. the one at your solar plexus ..I’m out of balance now.. I want to get back.. no.. I’m going to get back … to that place of powerful purpose that I am in when I’m doing what is right..
Manipura.. That’s where sense of purpose I need to manifest will come from…. sounds good… why not ?
This week has been full of contrasts. the very sad days around Sam’s memorial date, the bittersweet mix around Thanksgiving for us.. Few obligations, decent weather.. snow and sun.. lots of sleep. I’m doing my best to keep work thoughts at bay.. so.. I’ve had lots of time to think . .. and to putter.. It’s been a good time to refocus on a few of my adjusted personal goals.. after good talks with both Max and Gabe I’ve decided to try:
make more stuff – I just love figuring out how to make things…. but I usually don’t make enough time to do it. I’m not actually that good at it.. but I love doing it anyway..
finish more projects before starting others – I generally have a half dozen or so big projects going at any time.. I usually finish what I start.. but it can take time.. I’m committing to finish things more quickly before taking on new projects.. My goal is to divide my time a little less.
more making, less talking – it’s very exciting to talk about new projects.. telling people what I’m going to make.. It’s not always as much fun doing the hard work to get soemthing really working.. I am trying to build things then talk about them.
In that spirit.. it’ s been a very productive week.. I’ve finished lots of projects.
With Scott’s help, I got my solid state tesla coil working again, I added a feature to let it play to music. I wrote some code to let it play old school telephone ringtones, now I have sparks to Black Sabbath’s ‘Iron Man’.. Sam would have loved it.
(I’ll post a movie of that later tonight)
For work, I figured out how to program a wireless NXP chip that we build here in Vermont so that it can talk to IBM’s MQTT pub/sub protocol. Doesn’t sound like much of a project.. but it was no easy task.. 4 operating systems, two types of wireless networks, two wired networks, three hardware platforms.. but IT WORKS !..
I figured out how to use a cheap cell phone and an arduino processor to allow me to control anything by txt message.. (Unfortunately.. that’s the key elements of an IED roadside bomb) I hope to make a a statue that shoots fire when you txt it like this one I saw in Krakow Poland a few years ago.
Gabe, Diane, Deb and I finished a few pieces of furniture we’d hoped to make.. We had two slices of an old maple tree that we had to take down a few years back. Thanks to Deb’s finding the slices, sanding them and helping us think through the stand. Gabe and I welded the stands ..Diane and I finished assembled them on Wednesday
Deb also had a cool slab of maple.. she also found an old sewing machine base… Diane and I put them together to make a table for plants to replace the table we’d been borrowing from Deb.
Here they are ready for those plants.
Today I made some good progress on the touch controlled musical instrument that Homer and I are building for freind Mike. I managed to figure out the source of an unacceptable delay in the touch sensors.. I haven’t completed the fix.. but at least I now know what to fix..
Finally, today Chris and I worked on his jet pack sculpture. It’s a very cool steampunk piece made out of old copper and brass.
Chris wanted a detachable feature that detects when someone approaches the piece.. He wanted it to queue a recording of a jet engine, start a smoke machine and simulate flames with colored lights. I made an arduino based sequencer, hacked a smoke machine and a simple recoding memo taker and an ultrasonic distance measurement device. Chris and I did a first pass integration today.. we still need to adjust the timing , better duct the smoke, mount the sensors.. but the effect is pretty good.. looks sort of like real flame..no ?
I appreciate the patience of family and freinds as I got back to my maker roots.. it felt unbelievably good…
5 years ago tonight I sat down in this very same spot and started this blog… I wrote:
Friends, Our beutiful son Sam died this Monday while having the time of his life with friends in Florida. . Our feelign of loss is overwhelming.. but so is the feelign of love that we’re getting from our community and family.. Sam was such a special person. He packed so much living into his fourteen years. He was one of my best friends. Like many people, I wanted to be more like Sam as I grew up. He was one of the most honest, true and real people I’ve ever met. He was so passionate about everything he did… his music… his snowboarding.. his sports.. his friends.. his family. I can still feel his strong arms hugging me as he did every day when I came home from work. Sam is not goign to be around to hug me now.. but I promise to keep his memory alive and pass on his wonderful spirit. All of you reading this blog could do us a big, big favor by doing the same. Pass on the Sam… love your families, love your friends, be true to yourself and be passionate about what you do. The more Sam we pass around.. the better our world is going to be. I’m going to do my best to keep blogging for the first year after Sam’s death as a way of working through things. Our lives are forever changed by losing Sam.. but they are forever brightened by knowing him as only parents can. Remember Pass on the Sam Love -John
it was 3 days after we returned home after Sam died.. I was looking for a way to capture what I was feeling.. and keep family and friends in touch with how we were doing in that dark time…
Since then I’ve written here every day with the only exception being the 59 days I was sequestered as part of The Colony TV show. Though I didn’t know it at the time Diane actually blogged for me for about 40 of those days… .. In all I see I’ve made 1619 separate posts.. with roughly 27,990 pictures (hmm.. that seems a bit short.. better do some research.. I had to move my blog off of myspace to ‘here’ in a hurry last dec.. ,might have lost some posts in the transition).. ..
In the beginning, I wrote often about about grieving.. I see many entries about the strange things that happened to us in that altered state we were in after Sam’s passing. I also wrote about the amazing things the community and our friends did to support us. Over time the content has varied.. from travels to science projects..to family.. but always back to Sam.. .. Writing is still at least one time of day that I make a point and sitting down to ‘talk’ to Sam.. though most days its one of hundreds..
Writing this has been amazingly healing.. even more amazing is the ability to go to any date in the past 5 years and see how I was doing. I find it both painful and interesting to check back in with myself in those hardest of days.. I send back encouragement and love.. as if in some way that could help.. (maybe it did 🙂
I’ve often asked myself about how long I’d keep writing.. At first I told myself I’d stop at a year.. then at 3 years.. then I said 5 years.. which would be today.. At this moment.. I don’t feel like stopping..
