Wednesday night – waiting for saturn

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!0:30 at night.. after a very long day.. First meeting at 8AM .. last meeting at 9PM. prepping for 3 big things tomorrow.. and finally sitting down to breath.. And for the first time in a week .. I actually can breath.. my fever broke sometime last night .. and I actually went in to work. It felt great to be upright..

Not much to report for the day.. but the big new for tonight is that Saturn is approaching opposition.. that means it’s exactly opposite the sun from the earth.. that means it’s supposed to be up all night.. It seems, however, that Saturn isn’t reading the same articles as I am as it is still hiding just below the rim of Robin’s mountain.. still out of site.. I’ve even dragged down my telescope just to take a peak.. but I’m not sure I can stay awake . Supposedly it’s worth a look as the rings which have been nearly invisible for the past couple of years are now angled so you can see them again.. It’s been years since I’ve looked at Saturn.. actually. I realized as I unpacked my scope that I haven’t had it out since Sam died.. It always strange reaching into a bag or box from ‘before’ and touching something I last touched ‘then’ .. I always get this weird shock of connection  to a simpler and more complete time ..

Ahh welll.. I’m going to go look for that ringed rascal…. Here’s an old picture I once took of saturn using a web cam and my satelite.. not great.. but it is kinda saturny

nite all, nite sam

-me

Tuesday night – Bobcats in my inbox !

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So…  very strange coincidence this week.. two friends  , a continent apart, who don’t know one another, both sent me pictures of bobcats in their back yards.

These first two shots are from my friend Tom  in Canmore, Alberta..  This guy was in their back yard this week

This one is from my friend Mark’s back yard  who lives in suburban Westchester Co. in NY…

What do I read in to this ? .. That I’ll be feline better tomorrow.. I hope..

I’m still sick..(gosh darn it)  gotta sleep

nite all, nite sam

-me

Monday – flu shot

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I managed to stay mostly upright for an entire day after being laid out flat with flu the entire weekend.. I am feeling better.. but not yet fine.. I feel kinda washed out.. not much energy.. not much strength.. but also not much fever. Poor Diane.. I must have kept her awake all night again last night.. teeth chattering and coughing.. .. She got up once and got me another blanket to put on top of the down comforter and blanket I was already wrapped in..

She’s a wonderful nurse.. She’s taken care of all of us as we’ve gone through this flu..me, gabe matt, ian, Britt.. we’ve all had it.. .. Last night as I lay down to go to sleep, I heard everyone’s distinct coughs.. Did you ever notice how folks coughs are as distinctive as their voices ? ..

I woke today feeling like I’d burned though the worst of it.. I’ve felt pretty good all day.. but now that it’s getting dark, I feel the chills coming back on..

I want my money back on that flu shot…

another thing.. My sense of time has been burned out by this bug.. I sat in the same chair and worked for 9 hours today and only got up once.. and I didn’t even notice.. I was late to several meetings.. and I just looked up and it was after 7.. I thin my internal clock has been cooked ..

nite all.. nite Sam

-me

Sunday evening – Incessantly Isoucient

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I’m finally semi-vertical again after another night and half a day of flu.. (@#$# flu shot) .. I went to bed about 11.. and next thing I new it was about 11AM.. I know I had a high fever.. I’d had wicked chills for part of the night.. . and for other part I was roasting.. My mind was in one of those weird dream states that only comes with a high fever.. I kind of like it.. I had swirls of family stuff. geek project stuff , work stuff.. and stuff from the books I’ve been reading mixing in to a strange kind of opera..

I woke with the  sudden realization that the word iscessant and the word insouciant were evel twins of one another and were really the same word masquarading.. that feeling persisted until about 6 this evening when I actually sat down to wrte.. and realized that made no sense.

I managed to stay in bed until about 2.. which allowed me to read a new book cover to cover..(if that image is appropriate on an eReader).. it was ‘The Art of Racing in the Rain’  by Garth Stein.. I really enjoyed it . It a story of death, deceit. parenting and autoracing as told from the perspective and an old dog.. There were two major deaths in the story .. that kinda got me sobbing a bit.  but overall very uplifting.

Last night I finished the book ‘Tinkers’  by Paul Harding.. I liked it.. though a little less than the other.. It was also about death.. at least 2 major ones.. told from one of the dying men’s perspective.. .. and earlier in the wek I finished ‘Old Filth’  by Jane Gardam.. also about folks dying..  again told from one of the soon to be deceaseds perspectives. I quite like that book as well

What happens, though. when I dive into a book, I get maybe too involved.. Not sure how to describe this.. but these past 4 and a half years.. since Sam died I’ve had to work very hard on piecing back my sanity.. I’m not all there.. but getting there..    When I read.. I feel some of the ‘unhingedness’ taking hold and dragging me back down.. It’s the same reason I don’t watch movies or watch news or tv anymore.   I didn’t really read a book for the first 3 years.. which was a change.. I usually am always working on 2 or 3 books..   It’s strange now that I’ve started.. not sure it’s good for me.    I think I don’t have room in my head for other peoples stories.. especially if they are sad.. even a little bit sad.. And / the thing is.. I don’t read stuff that’s about happy people doing stuff.. I like reading books where  nothing happens.. to lots of people..

Should I stop reading again ?

note all, nite sam

-me