It’s 11:30PM on what would have been Sam’s 17th Birthday..   Happy birthday my son.. I hope you can feel the love and respect that we and so many of our friends have for you . I remember every one of your birthdays.. and expect that I’ll remmebr all the ones to come. These days are bittersweet… I miss you so much.. and at the same time.. I love the memories of all of your time with us. You are a remarkable being.. so funny and loving.. and emotionally tuned in.. I feel you that way still…

We still have the sign I made when you were born hanging in the front hall. I look at it often.. I remmeber how proud I was mking it.. juat like the ones I made when both of your brothers were born…

Mom and I wanted to spend soem time outdoors today thinking about you and feelign you close. We took the dogs all the way up the catamount trail and then down honey hollow.. I htink it was about 8 miles.. it was raining.. but beautiful to be outside in..

Mom planted soem forget-me-nots next to a favorite sitting rock we have near a stream crossing at the top of honey hollow

I set off a smokebomb there just for you.

After the hike we picked up Gabe early at school and went out for sushi.. then to a movie (Str Trek.. it was great !).. It felt good to be all together. I left samstones at the resturant and in my seat at the movies.

After the movie, I took Gabe to Lacrosse (he’s really good !.. you’d be so proud !).. then back to CHMS for the science fair.. then home. We’d told a few of sam’s freinds to come by if they felt they wanted to to mark your birthday.. we had almost 40 folks show up. to be here for you.  So many of your good freinds are still in our lives !We feel well loved and supported.

It was cold tonight so mom made a fire.. We all wrote you messages on scrap paper then threw them in the fire for you..

Kase was there with some new ink.. check it out.. it’s got your initals just like Jakes !

We all did a red bull toast then got around the cakes mom made. We sang happy birthday… It was a moment I didn’t know how I’d react to.. but it just felt good.. so much love in the air..

Afterwards your room was packed with kids, the guitars were going.. it felt almost like old times….

almost…..

We’ll my son.. another year.. another milestone.. our love for you still grows. You are forever in our hearts…  I love you
-dad

It’s about 7:30 wednesday night.. the day before what would be Sam’s 17th brithday.. All today.. all this week really.. I’ve been emotionaly very reserved . I am trying to let go of figureing out how I’m supposed to feel. I’m takign tomorrow off to spend some quiet time .I just spent soem time looking at some pictures of Sam and listening to some music from his memorial… Here’s a song that Max wrote for the service. That finanly let me cry.. and it feels good.

I love you my son..
-me

We passed a peaceful memorial day doing projects around the house. It was a beautiful cool day .. perfect for working outside.   Towards evening we wandered over to Jane and George’s for a Mmeorial Day cook out..

I was determined ot wear shorts despite the low 50’s outside.. I

eventually had to give up and go put on jeans.. We all huddled together

and talked about our funny town ploitics. It was good connecting with

everyone.

I’ve been sitting here thinkign about Memorial Day and what it means.. It feels strange  that this start of summer vacation is in honor of all the people who have died in all the wars since this country’s creations. I spent time today thinkng of all those war dead, thanking them for their service..  and sending them peace. You’d think with such a day on the calendar we’d learn that war was an outmoded idea. .. but our country is currently fighting wars in at least two countries. It just doesn’t make sense. It stopped makign sense to me the day that Sam died. Whay would anyone kill for an idea ? Why would anyone kill for any reason ?

This Thursday would have been Sam’s 17th birthday. A day we’ll mark and celibrate and cry about.. I feel Sam’s spirit moving through me powerfuly these days . I feel he’s lifting me up.. I nede it this week..   Be with us Sam, we love you.. Gnite

-me

Ahhh.these  beautiful early summer days.. though I guess it’s technically still spring.   Last night we went to our friends Beth and Scott’s weeding party in Mills river park.. .they had done up the pavilion in the park very elegantly.. it was a great  night. they looked really happy !

On the way home we decided to surprise Hannah and Dave with a visit since we were near their house.  Adah and Senyah were still awake which was cool. Adah borrowed my glasses. Then she dug up her old stuffed bunny that she used to call ‘whiskers’., which is what she now calls me.. !

The girls fell asleep while Dave, Hannah. Diane and I got to catch up.

I always love the artwork in their house.. I especially love this piece which has an expression I remember my grandfather Dave using often.

Today started   earlier than I intended.. Gabe’s alarm accidentally woke us at 4:47 AM.. Ugh.. We managed to get back to sleep anyway. The early morning was rainy but got up into the 60’s and sunny for the afternoon. Perfect !. We spent the day working in the gardens which is wonderful and mindless. II occasionally found my mind wandering back into work.. but closed it off when I noticed it. I tried to keep my mind empty or on the dirt..

During one of our work breaks I happened to notice a small pile of sawdust under the table that we’re table-sitting for Deb and family  ..  I checked out the sawdust and found a small hole in the table.. and.. a big fat white wood worm !  The same thing happened to deb about 10 years ago.. .. I think the table wood is supposed to be 300 years old.. so who knows how long this guy has been blindly chewing around in there.. ?!

Speaking of industrious animals.. Diane called my attention to this busy ant trying to transport a dandelion seed from one place to another. Look at the stamina here !

This evening we went out to eat (single Pebble) with our friends Jen and Tim.. It was a nice night in Burlington.. everyone was out in the streets.. We had a great meal then took our friends on what we always called the ‘Burlington art tour’.. That means looking at the 30 year old marble sculptures along battery street by the lake..

This is such a beautiful town..  !

We just got off a 1.5 hour Skype call with Deb and kids from Buenas Aires.. they’re all doing great. It’s late now so I’ll say goodnight.. talk to you all tomorrow.. G’nite Sam !
-me