Today was all about the attic. Diane and I were up at seven ready to attack the attic.. we finally gave up at 8:30 this evening.. not defeated.. but still far to go. Our house makes cleaning up there an adventure.. If you haven’t seen our home.. it’s 4 floors tall. the Attic is on the third.. about 40 steep steps from the first. I gave up counting how many trips up and down I made today.. Luckily we had great helpers in Gable. Dylan. Joe, Kevin and Devon. // Many hands make light(er) work to be sure..
I’ve been looking forward to and dreading this day for a along time. We haven’t really cleaned the attic since Sam died.. That’s not surprising.. we don’t clean it often.. it’s huge.. so it can take a long time to mess it up.. but mess it up we did.. Lately it’s been hard to walk from one end to the other because of all the memories crammed up there.. It’s a great metaphor for our own hearts and minds… Lots of clutter… with some useful bits sprinkled in. Occasionally a surprise.. either pleasant or heartbreaking..
Here are all the red bull cans that Sam and I had been saving to make something out of. I got an idea today about what to do with them.. Watch this space.
Signs of Sam and our life before are in every corner. My heart was in my throat all day.. but I have to say.. it felt good and clearing to be doing this.Everything I handled was like a prayer… a letting go.. It was natures course. In fact I didn’t cry at all.. until… …….. just now… Oh…… hang on….
The day did have its bright moments.. wish you could have all been here watching us convince this old couch to go downstairs… straight out of three stooges…
Another funny story.. I had put a box of books out to be given away.. Diane noticed one of her school yearbooks in it.. so I took another look.. Good thing.. In addition to Diane’s year books.. there was my thesis, my dad’s thesis, two books I’d written and my diploma… I looked at it .. and realized I probably haven’t seen it in 18 years..since I got my degree it’s been buried in this box ever since … pretty funny.
I also found two film cameras.. one was one of the kids.. We’re going to have the film processed.. who knows what story those pictures might tell…
Well.. I’m worn out for the day.. I’m going to bed.. I’m going to try and get this song out of my head.. it’s been there all day…. one of my favorite songs but.. around the 100th time I need a break..
Grateful Dead – Attics of My Life
In the attics of my life, full of cloudy dreams unreal.
Full of tastes no tongue can know, and lights no eyes can see.
When there was no ear to hear, you sang to me.
I have spent my life seeking all that’s still unsung.
Bent my ear to hear the tune, and closed my eyes to see.
When there was no strings to play, you played to me.
In the book of love’s own dream, where all the print is blood.
Where all the pages are my days, and all the lights grow old.
When I had no wings to fly, you flew to me, you flew to me.
In the secret space of dreams, where I dreaming lay amazed.
When the secrets all are told, and the petals all unfold.
When there was no dream of mine, you dreamed of me.
Nite everyone.. Nite Sam.. thanks for helpign with the cleaning…
-me
ps. Just got this fab picture of sister mary and john’s kids Ellery, Jake and Theo.. Cute.. no ?
Christian Wheeler
