I was out Christmas  for a bit tonight.. downtown and in Williston.. and it almost felt alright.  Holidays are still very hard for us.. I’m guessing that they always will be. Christmas is particularly hard.. now.. I still think about buying stuff for three kids.. now it’s two.. The sight of decorations and music  has put me in a very dark place these last five years.. but somehow.. this year is a little better. I was able to walk around shipping without ‘going there’ .. I still don’t have much stomach for shopping.. but seeing other happy folks shopping made me feel..well… happy .. and  that’s a bit of a breakthrough. I’m going out again on Wed night with a bunch of freinds.. I’m hoping that I again find it ok being immersed in the Christmas spirit.. I’ll let you know..

nite all, nite sam

-me