Max’s in NYC tonight with his friends Mason. Scot and Carl.. Gabe’s at a party.. Diane and I are choosing to have a quiet evening at home… A Sam night.   We need to spend some quiet time with him.
       I’ve had an off-color day…   not in an offensive sense, really.. but everything I’ve been thinking or saying today has come out sounding wrong.  I attribute it all to having started the day with the wrong color underwear.   You laugh.. but I think that was it.     I’ve been grouchy, uncharitable and distracted with people all day for no particular reason.  It took me until about 4PM  to figure out what was behind it (beside the underwear I mean)  I realized this afternoon that there was a growing gap between my intention not to sweat the small stuff … and what was going on in my head.
    A great afternoon snowshoe with Diane and our friends Lou and Kathy (and a different color of underwear) have got me back on track this evening.. I’m sitting here listening to the Prairie Home Companion Joke Show.. which is dramatically improving my world view:

 Jokes aside.. I’m thinking tonight how I’m going to resist this return to the old whirlwind of my life I was living before Sam died. and stay in the moment.    Sam was such  a great role model of being in the moment. I heard a great Sam story about that today.. Our friend Deb told Diane about an image of Sam she has from a snowboard competition last year..  I think they were at Sugarbush.. They’d been competing all day when the weather changed. A hail/rain storm came out of nowhere.. As everyone ran for cover…. Sam ripped off his shirt and ran out on the slope and raised his arms to soak up the rain … it was like he was saying ‘bring it on’.. Deb said in a few minutes, a bunch of other kids came out and did the same thing.. If I have my story straight.. I just heard that Sam’s friends Sumner and Ralph got 2^nd and 3^rd in that same competition this morning!

   Gotta go think about dinner now. I’ll  keep to the color theme and  leave you all with a picture that our friend Becky sent of the beautifull rainbow that appeared over our house a couple of weeks before Christmas.   Thanks for sending it Sam..

-jc

It’s about 10:30 on a quiet Friday evening. Diane is out with our friend Anne at a play. Max is playing guitar (beautifully) and Gabe just came in with his friend Trevor. I’m trying to find something to feed the kids for dinner., 10:30 dinners feels almost like normal… I’ll take that as a plus.
     I had lots of Sam stuff going today.. This morning started with a conference call between me, my good friend Jim and his friend John on the topic of our planned work trip to Nicaragua in Sam’s honor. John is an engineer (I think) from Ga Tech who decided it was more fun and fulfilling to help folks in Central America. He and his family started going down to the west coast of Nicaragua in 1999 just after Hurricane Mitch. Shortly after that John created an organization called ‘Amigo’s for Christ’ that brings groups from the US down to rural Nicaragua every year to do service projects like digging latrines, building schools etc.  Jim and John are going to help us organize a service trip sometime in mid/late August for us to go down and help. .   I think it needs to be after Aug 17 for Max to be able to participate.   I know you may be wondering what’s a nice Jewish boy like me doing volunteering for a program called “Amigo’s for Christ” ?   Well after talking to John I’m assured that the work they do is basic people to people help with no religious bias. My ‘secular humanism’ will fit right in. The basic idea is to take a group of at least 10 people down for a week to construct something for a rural town. Adults and kids are welcome..  In addition to the work we’ll be doing along side local workers, we’ll also be visiting the beautiful beaches, volcanoes and rain forests. It’s a beautiful part of the world.  This will be a once in a life time experience for anyone who participates..     I’ll fill folks in as the details firm up.. again.. please let me know if you think you  might be interested in participating. I left the call with John and Jim really excited about this trip.   I’m thankful that my buddy Jim came up with the idea.. B TW.. Jim’s getting his hip replaced on Tuesday.. he’s promised to save us the old one for soup.
    Speaking of soup… I had lunch today with my friend Tom. Tom and his wife lost a son Mark about 8 years ago to cancer… Tom is one of the most interesting and self actualizing guys I  know. I’d asked him to lunch to talk about how he and his family integrated Mark’s death and kept his memory alive It was good being able to talk  to someone who has been through this experience… as Tom said today.. only someone who’s gone through losing a child truly understands what it’s like. It was a very upbeat and positive conversation.. We both enjoyed comparing notes on family, work, life perspective etc. There was even  a certain strange fun in sharing stories of weird things people have said  to us about our loss. Talking to Tom was definitely inspiring.
    Towards the end of the day I stopped by my friend Beth’s house because our mutual friends Peter and Beth were up from New York .  From  there I  went to Browns River Middle School to do  Mad Science show for a group of Cub Scouts. It’s the first show that I’ve done since Sam died. I showed up at about 6 and there was my good,. good friend Ron. Ron and I have worked together for years.. our families have become very close.  Ron had come out to give me moral support I the first show.  I was glad he was there. It felt so strange getting set up for the show.. I kept thing about the times that Sam helped me put on the show when he was younger. It felt like getting back on the horse after being thrown.   Right before it was time to start I had to leave the room to cry.. I did that for about 5 minutes.. then I was good to go. I was pretty choked up as  I started the show and dedicated it to Sam.. Once I got started, though.. It just flowed out of me.. it felt wonderful to be zapping  pickles and shocking kids again. I now know that I can keep doing this outreach which  is truly my calling. I think this is one of the ways I can really honor Sam’s memory . Sam, I certainly felt you  there tonight when the sparks were flying.   I love you my energy boy.

-jc

   Just back in town from a day trip to Boston. I went down with my friend Paul to attend an IBM meeting in Cambridge. It was really good talking to Paul on the drive. He’s a man with many impractical hobbies.. That’s something I really admire in a friend J . One bonus of the trip was the chance to catch a quick lunch with my folks before the meeting. We met at the Middle Eastern Restaurant.. (Catchy name.. no ?)   in Central Square.. I don’t think I’d been in the pkace in more than 25 years.. but it hadn’t changed a bit. The place is excellent.   My mom gave me some really nice pictures of Sam and brought me a nice wooden frame that he’d once for her. It was great getting the pictures… though it really choked me up seeing them. Luckily, Paul is funny and smart enough to keep my parents amused and busy during lunch  so I didn’t have to talk much. It really was great seeing them.  I gave them a bag of SamStones to distribute for us.
    The IBM meeting turned out to be  very  interesting. We were down talking to IBM Research folks on tools for building communities. My experience with Sam’s and my  MySpace  and this blog have made me a big believer in ‘virtual communities’ I’m hoping to use what I’ve learned here to help other folks in my day  job life find their way to these technologies. Our meeting ended at about 6. We stopped by the food court in the next door mall to grab a byte to eat before the ride home. As I walked into the food court I realized that the last time I’d been there had been with Sam on his 4^th grade overnight at the Boston   Museum of Science. We had sushi that time.. Sam loved sushi….  We got the car and headed towards home. Paul was kind enough to drive me by MIT to drop off some SamStones. I dropped one under the window of my old dorm room in  Bexley Hall .. I then took Paul on a whirlwind tour of the main MIT building complex. We went up to the 4^th floor of Building 4 (MIT buildings also have creative names)   to see the Edgerton Center. Doc Edgerton was the father of strobe photography… and was one of my favorite profs at MIT.  They’ve built an open laboratory in Doc’s honor for folks who want to build things   I left a SamStone there  because Sam loved building things.
    The drive back passed quickly.. We spent the time talking about the meeting, Pails project.. our families, and of course Sam ..I’m in the habit of touching the button I wear with Sam’s picture whenever I’m thinking of Sam.. I realized I was holding the button nearly the whole way back  to Vermont. I got home at 10PM to a quiet house. Max, Scott and Mason were still awake, Diane and Gabe were asleep. I spent about a half an hour trying to coax the heat in the barn to start, but no dice. It seems that all the major system in our house are failing.. the barns heat, our septic system. The woodstove, the blinds… I think the house is ging through a mourning phase as well. It’s funny that these house calamities don’t even phase me these days.. I wonder if it’s resilience or apathy…?
   Tomorrow evening I am doing the first Mad Science show that I’ve done since Sam died. I don’t know what it will feel like to be in front of an audience again.. Sam used to help me do these shows occasionally just like Gabe helps me sometimes now. I’m hoping it feels good to be back in action. My heart tells me that working with kids is a good way to honor Sam’s memory..

   Speaking of Mad Science.. here are some more pictures that Max, Gabe, Scott and Mason made using time lapse the other night.. Cool or what Sam ?

Here’s Gabe:

Here’s Max

Here’s Scott

And here’s Mr. Robot (Mason)

ps. Hannah has been listening to Azure Ray’s ‘November’ and thinking of Sam. I think it fits.  Take a listen .. The lyrics are here.

We’ve just come back from Bolton after the normal Wednesday Night Rider’s competition. Before the competition tonight we had a short ceremony to officially open the beautiful new down-flat-down rail that Sawyer, Neil, Deb and Carter made in Sam’s honor.  It’s a thing of beauty !. The guys welded it out of 2×4 square tubular steel… Sawyer painted Sam’s name all over the both sides of the rail . Neal welded the year Sam was born, his name, and the year he died on the three posts that hold the thing up.   There were about 50 folks u in the terrain park …. It wasn’t too cold, ..but cold enough that my lips froze to the rail when I bent down to kiss it.  We passed out Red Bulls and everyone poured some of theirs on the rail. The stuff quickly froze into a funky greenish goo .    After some hoping and hollering, we all balanced our empty Red Bull cans on the rail and Chris Perron (Scooby) came flying down the mountain and plowed them off .  It was beautiful and surreal. . Sam’s spirit is so powerful up on that mountain. I swear I could hear him up there tonight… Here’s what it looked like”

     After the ceremony, we all  hung out and watched the competition then slithered down to the bar  to refuel and wait for results. Gabe took 2^nd in his age group (yee-ha) and won some mighty nice white and purple boarding gloves.  It is such a great family scene up at Bolton.. It feels like a second home, now with all the tables full of our friends…   people are continuously hugging us.. buying us food or drink.. Today someone recognized Sam’s picture n Max and offered him a free glass blowing lesson.  We continue to live in an extended state of grace.. Maybe it can’t last forever, but the kindness that people extend to us now truly fills us up.
   Tonight we saw Ralph and his dad Mark. Mark, Ralph’s Mom. Mark’s wife Robin just came back from Mexico a few days ago. While they were down there they got a friend to go to Chitzenitza and had several  more of Sam’s Mayan pendants made for us. They are jus tlike the one that Sam used to ear… beautiful . We plan to all wear them. Whule they were there they placed SamStone in Chitzenitza, Tulum and the Gulf of Mexico. These things are starting to cover the earth. It’s a nice thought.
Well.. I gotta get some sleep tonight. I’m off to Boston for the day tomorrow for a meeting. I get to see my folks  for lunch which will be fun. We’re going to a Middle Eastern restaurant I once tried to belly dance in when I was in college…  Can you picture it, Sam ?

-jc