Flash : We’re having a SamStones making potluck at our house at 6:30 Sat Night (3/10) . Please bring pizza and/or salad to share. Sometime in the eveing I’ll be doing a short talk on Nikola Tesla, the mysterious scientist featured in the movie The Prestige. I’ll also be doing some cool High Voltage demonstrations. Come perepared to be shocked!
I woke to Sam dreams this morning.. not necessarily sad.. but bittersweet. I only ended up getting just a few hours of sleep. Somehow I still ended up waking up refreshed. After a few hours of work, I went in to see our friend Marci for a Reiki massage. I was feeling a ‘blockage’ between my head and heart. (I’m not sure if ‘blockage’ is the right word.. but the other analogies that seem to fit are more digestive 
) What I mean is that my rational/scientific mind is sometimes at odds with the spiritual openness I’ve found following Sam’s passing. When I just think with my head.. reality feels pretty grim. When I let my heart lead along with my brain I find I can be more optimistic, creative and forward looking. I’m not sure how it works, but Reiki seems to help me balance the two. As I said a few days back when I am feeling ‘blah’ ..I often need to feel much sadder to feel better. The blah feeling really saps energy and limits my creativity. Once I let go a little and open up to some sadness, it re-energizes me. It’s funny to think I need to get so sad to allow me to be happy again.. but that’s the way it works. What’s more the happy periods.. and they are much more frequent now.. feel all that much more good and healing because of the contrast. One other interesting data point.. I tested my heart rate on one of those drugstore machines today.. My heart rate was in the low to mid 50’s… which is about 20 BPM slower than my normal rest pulse for as long as I can remember.. I guess I really am more relaxed now.
After the massage, I went into work. I’ve been working at home more often now… and when I do go into work, I often spend the time on the phone in my office so I don’t do much wandering around of the halls. I did do a little walking around today and I realized what a mixed blessing it has become. It’s wonderful to see people. I always get such a warm and genuine caring response from everyone I meet. At the same time, It’s hard for me to get anywhere without having the same ‘how you doing’ conversation with everyone. I’m glad they ask… I just run out of good ways to answer. I also find that folks are very eager for me to be ‘better’ . I get lots of ‘you’re looking good’ (yeah.. right ).. or ‘things getting back to normal ?’ kind of stuff. I know those are good hearted comments.. but normal isn’t even a goal for me anymore.. anyway.. I realize that everything anyone says is because they care.. when I remember that it doesn’t matter what they say.
Around 4 I had to leave to get my hair cut. I’m going to
I decided to neaten up a bit this time in order to be a little more incognito. While I was getting my haircut the Red Hot Chile Pepper’s song ‘Dani
From there, I went to help ‘organize’ at the
Right now. I can’t keep my eyes open.. I ned to post and then get some sleep. Tomorrow is the last Night riders competition at
-jc