Thursday night – writing about writing

   Short post as it’s late and I need to get to sleep. Today was a very ‘public’ kind of day .I ended up walking around work more often than usual which brought me into contact with many folks I hadn’t seen in a while…. Likewise the family and I went  to a play at the high school after work. In both cases  I absolutely loved seeing everyone.. I just wish they couldn’t see me.. or rather.. I sometimes wish that they wouldn’t see me as somehow different and changed. I guess I don’t get to choose that right now.   It’s just such a strange change for me being the social person I was… and still somehow am.

   Another thing that happened to me several times today was ”bloglog’… That’s  when I meet people and they start   asking me questions about stuff in my life that I just  can’t figure out how they know.. E.g. I had 20 people ask me if I was feeling better..   (how’d they know I was sick ?) .. or  people asking about my trip.. or about something the kids did .. The first few times it happens I get one of those weird ‘twilight zone’ feelings.. . then I realize they’re picking up pieces of my life through this blog.  My wonderful friend and admin Jleigh actually  read the blog to figure out how much work I can shoulder and adjusts my schedule accordingly.. It took me a long time to catch on how my workload seemed to automatically adjust to my mood (Thank you Jleigh !)  I love that people care to read this.. at the same time,  it’s a weird skew where folks know all sorts of tiny details of my life.. yet I’m completely out of touch with their lives.. Maybe everyone should send me a really newsy letter every so often with things that are going on in their lives so I can stay even with  everyone..

   If you are curious, between 200 and 500 people read this blog every day.. Tonight is pretty typical with abut 300 hits so far.  I noticed last night that I’d gotten over 40,000 total hits on this blog since I started keeping it..That’s amazing to me.

   I  get asked very often about why I’m even doing this blog. I’ve given this a bunch of thought the last few days….  as writing is actually something I really don’t normally enjoy  doing at all. (to be truthful.. I hate it). The best I can say is that it forces a discipline on me to take time at the end of everyday to stitch together what has happened to me over the past day and make sense of it. In the early days after Sam’s death this was an essential part of my sanity.. everything was so jumbled together that blogging gave em a chance to tease out the meaning in everything that was happening.. Now it’s more of a healing process.. sort of like knitting.. or knife throwing.. something to unwind with at the end of each day.  If  I’m lucky, I can also use it  to  help tease some lesson out of each day. 

   Ack.. I’ve just  written about writing.. one of the most lame literary  devices one can use.. Ackkkkk I’ve just written about writing about writing… Oh no… now I’ve written about writing abut writing about writi………..  oh.. Gnite sam !

-jc 

ps. Our friend Karey drew this picture a few years back. She sent it to us becuase it reminded her of Sam and the SamStones.. Thanks Karey… (did I already post this ?)