I woke early this morning after only four hours sleep. Since one of our cars is in the shop, I’d arranged to hitch a ride in with my buddy Ed… who was picking me up at 7AM.. I had to get in early because I was the kick-off speaker for this years crop of IBM summer interns/.  I really love doing this talk every year. It’s so energizing to talk to a bunch of folks who are at the very beginning of there careers.. They’re so eager and passionate and smart…   I usually give a light hearted talk whish is 30 percent codgerly career advice, 30 percent technical stuff about my area at work.. and about 30 percent science demo’s drawn from the programs I do at schools. The idea is to show these kids that IBM really values outreach..   This is the first time I’ve had to give a talk like this since Sam died.  I got very choked up when I was talking about my wonderful family. I could tell that Sam’s story had a big impact on the audience…. I used Sam’s story to tell them how much I appreciated all that the company had done for me and my family through this difficult time.. I told them that you could really see the company’s character in how they responded to a tragedy like ours..

   It was an interesting transition going from that story to blowing things up, catching things on fire and blasting sparks through the room with all my science gizmos..    I think the audience liked that part of the talk the best…  I had about half of them still hanging around when the meeting was over just to talk.. they were a big help in putting my gear away and cleaning up.. I’d managed to cover a bog  swatch of floor with crushed rice crispies.. yum…

The rest of the day was jam-packed busy but overall uneventful. Back to back phone meetings… At the very end of the day I had the lucky opportunity to meet up with a new friend of mine Craig L. .I’ve written about Craig here before.. Craig and his family’s dagter Amelia was killed in 2004 in a gas explosion t their summer house Craig has put together a group called “fathers Forever’ for men who have lost  children. Craig happened to be up for business.. so we took a walk around the building then did a zillion laps around the parking garage.. It is very helpful for me to talk to someone who share the common experience of grief. So much doesn’t need to be explained. Craig’s insights are really helpful to me.. really, really helpful. I plan on meeting with the Fathers Forever gang next time I’m in Boston.

Around 5:30 Scott, Mary, Mason and Gabe came by IBM to puck me up.. . I rarely get to be the passenger.. .We ended up watching Wayne’s World (excellent, party time) in the car as Scott drove us home  It was so nice out when we got home that we couldn’t go back inside, instead we went out back to play Frisbee . I found a SamStone in the process.

while Max started the grill and cooked some  chicken and fish ‘speedies’ which are marinated meat chinks. They were very popular in Diane’s home town of Endicott NY.  Just as Max took the chicken off the grill, the grill collapsed.. I’m really glad that Max wasn’t hurt when it went..

Unfortunately the fish was still in there. It got  completely covered with ashes.. We took it out and rinsed it and it was better than ever. it had some of that smoky flavor all through it… Good recovery. !  Though we were expecting 5-6 for dinner, we ended up with 10 when Sam’s old band Black Night Vengeance showed up.. It worked out well.. we had tons of food.. it was like an unplanned party… with some really nice guests.. .

Later this evening I got a call from my good  friend Larry from CMU. Larry is at  the Design Automation Conference (DAC)  in San Diego this week. Tonight was the annual Carnegie Mellon U.  reunion . Larry had arraigned to  call me from the party and let me talk to some of my friends. Larry’s daughter Hannah took some cell phone photos of the part so I wouldn’t feel so lonely.

I talked to about 15 very good friends . Many I hadn’t spoken with since Sam’s death. It was both good and hard talking to all those good friends over the phone like that .. So much emotion. And so much distance..  Overall it was very good to connect.  I could tell that our family was very much in everyone’s minds.   

   Every year, the group hires some sort of interesting entertainment for the reception. It was at this same party about 3 years go that the palm reader that the group had hired asked me if I’d lost a child… I wrote about that incident about 4 months ago in this blog.  Tonight they had hired a handwriting analyst.. I sent the following samples…

Here are a few things that she could surmise from my very messy handwriting..

• I’m compassionate, intuitive and willing to take risks
• But I’m doing some of the same old things over and over again…  something doesn’t feel right.. it’s not the right size, it’s not fitting.
• I’m looking back too much. I need to  move forward.. I need to do this in some creative way unhampered by the past
• I’ve got all the info I need.. but I feel the need to keep checking and rechecking. I’m too hung up that things need to be a certain way.. I’m being too ‘persnickety’
• In a month or so, I’ll come in contact with someone who can help me figure out what to do
• I’ve got angels working with me on this transition who are helping me open up to my own creativity
• I need to take a break or vacation sometime in the beginning of September or so… to relax in order to open the door
• I should plan a big trip  in early October (I’m going to India again then)
• By the end of this year, early next year I’ll be meeting many folks who are on the same wavelength as I am. I should look out for an older mentor.. not a relative…
• I should not be trying so hard to change right now.. I should let things transition on their own. I should open myself up to it and let it come.
• Even though I feel I missed the boat (?) something even bigger and better is coming along.. maybe next may ?
• She drew an angel card for me which was freedom.. she said I should concentrate on finding this freedom and enjoying the freedom I have.
• She picked a chakra for me which is the green heart chakra.. which  says that  I’m to follow my heart and follow what is nurturing  in my life.. That will be my path forward

That’s surprisingly insightful and relevant to what I’m going through now.. I’m learning not to be amazed anymore when something like this happens.  What do you think Sam ?