Yearly Archives: 2007

Monday night – trouble with words

As I step into this week I realize that I’m walking into a time I’ve been imagining  for almost the entire year. How would I feel as I approached the anniversary of Sam’s passing ? It’s one of those weird things when you collide with your past self’s projection of the future. The truth is.. nothing is as I expected it anymore. I certainly feel different.. but not in the same way I expected to feel different. Does that make sense ?

   A couple of things I’ve been noticing…   First, I realize that a great quiet sadness comes over me as soon as I stop ‘doing’. For  example, in yoga tonight, I teared  up as soon as I relaxed..  As long as I’m running, sleeping, eating, working, blogging, talking, welding, etc.. “I’m OK”.. as soon as I quiet  myself, I start to withdraw into myself.. . I say “I’m OK” when I’m busy… knowing  full well that this means I need to stop being busy to really be in the moment I need to be in for the next several weeks .. It’s hard to stop… but I need to.   I also realize that my patience is at a real low. I’ve just that I’ve been more  contrary  with just about everyone I’ve come in contact with at work, home, family or friends for the past couple of weeks.   It’s like I’m impatient for things to happen.. I guess that’s another distraction I’m trying to create.   

 My sense of Sam is so amplified now, too.. This past year, he’s always been with me… sometimes in the front of my mind.. sometimes in the back of my thoughts. . The past week or so he’s  always in the front of my mind … I know that makes sense.. I like being able to  think of him so clearly. I feel like these past few weeks he’s been helping me.. I always send  him love..

   I just read what I’ve been writing here , and I don’t know if it even makes sense to try to capture my thoughts  in words. .. as I remember so well ‘words cannot express…. ”  It’ still feels good to write…

    Speaking of which, I started to go through my blog from the beginning.. The first  entry is from Nov 25th..  It’s tough to read.. but it’s also really good to know that I’ve recorded  my thinking for this entire year.  and that we’ve survided.. and we’re getting stronger.    I don’t know if I’ll ever read the whole thing, but I know that it  has been one of the most wonderfully healing things I could have done..

I know that this is a hard time.. and I also know I’ll get through it.. I’m strong, we’re strong .. and we have supportive family and friends.. All that’s let for us to do is just be here and let the future come to us.

I’d like to fish a happy and peacful birthday to my father in law Gabe Mariano. We love you Gabe.

DSCN5777

Good night friends and family, I love you Sam

-me

 ps. I just realized today is also Neil Young’s 63rd birthday. Here’s a song he wrote recently that made me think of where I am. (you can here a squeaky version of it off this page)

“Falling Off The Face Of The Earth”

I just want to thank you
For all of the things you’ve done
I’m thinking about you
I just want to send my love
I send my best to you
That’s my message of love
For all the things you did
I can never thank you enough

Feel like I’m falling
Falling off the face of the earth
Falling off the face of the earth
(Falling)
Feel like I’m falling
Falling off the face of the earth
Falling off the face of the earth

Oh…

I just want to tell you
You sure mean a lot to me
It may sound simple
But you are the world to me
It’s such a precious thing
That time we shared together
I must apologize
For the troubled times

Feel like I’m falling
Falling off the face of the earth
(Falling)
Feel like I’m falling
Falling off the face of the earth
Falling off the face of the eart


Sunday evening – Chili !

We had a great day today. Today was the Chili cook-offf that our friends at Hettena Wright and Horton (HWH) were throwing to benefit the Friends of Sam and the Sam Cohn Foundation. HWH is a local accounting firm that does estates, trusts and personal income taxes. Every year they choose a local charity to sponsor for their chili cookoff. This year they pciked up Sam’s caused from the coverage in the newspaper. It was a wonderful event.

The Ethan Allen Club had generously donated the space to hold the cook off. The club has been an institution in Burlington for more than 100 years. It was a perfect place for an event like this

We arrived around 1 and the place was already filling up. There were long rows of chafing dishes holdinggllons of everyones best efforts at chili. There were three categories: hot, mild and veggie.. I beleive that there were 26 entries in all.

Folks milled about with cups and spoons and sampled the various wares. I was particulaly partial to this one.. (Ok it. was mine) a spicey checki pea concoction from India called Chole OK chile .. chole.. what’s the difference.. ?

The Friends of Sam had set up various tables with info, contests and handouts.. Here’s Phoebe and Marie watching over the chili voting bins

Here Diane, Matt and Paulo hang out at the donation box

Here’s Gabe hanging out with some of his friends

Ian and Nate played soem great spanish guitar for the folks milling around.. I thing there were about 200 people who came through ..

We had lots of Sam stuff around, pictures,SamStones, posters

There was a silent auction in the back with lots of great stuff.

Jen K made these awesome pottery bowls for the auction.

Her’s Conner the DJ keepign things lively.. (We later learned that Conner is our good friend Jackson’s older brother !)

Here’s Morgan with some Organ Donor info

Some folks were watchinga football game as they chomped on their chili

The tension mounted as it came close to teh time to announce the winners. Chris and Conner kept it lively with trivia contests as the votes were being counted.

And the winner is !!!!!… Believe it or not, The Freinds of Sam ! They won in the Hot Category.. It wasn’t even rigged since all noone knew who’s chil was who. They won based on the wonder taste of their secret ingredient : 5 cans of Red Bukk.. Sam’s favorite drink !


Here they are accepting their prize !

It was really a fantastic day.. We don’t know yet how much they made, but including the generous matching offer from HWH, we think the Friends of Sam made more than 3000 dollars today. Thanks so much to Chris and Judy and all the fine folks at HWH for making this Chili Cookoff a great event.. It’s jus tthe kind of thing that Sam would have loved. Spicey food, red bull music and lots of friends.. (about 200 I think) We all cetainly felt Sam there..

We’ll be back next year to defend our title !

Good night and good digestion all.. G’nite Sam
-me

Friday Evening – Anniversary Day

Today was a busy and full day.It’s really late now as I’ve just come back from Homer’s birthday in Vergennes. It’s so late, that I’m going to wait until tomorrow to download the pictures from the hooked rug show we saw today, Gabe’s night at gymnastics and Homer’s party. Hope that’s OK with everyone.
   Today also  marks the 22nd anniversary of the day that Diane and I got engaged. We were living in Winchester in the south of England. Diane was working hard grad school work. We dressed up and went to the Chessil Rectory, a 14th century church rectory that had been redone into a very nice resturant. After dinner we walked back home along the river. It was a cold and drizly evening as many were in England. I got down on my knee and asked Diane to marry me.. and then she did the same. I gave her a ring I’d made for her in my blacksmitthing class.. Pretty delicate for soemthing made out of 1/4 inch  steel barstock.. but a little clunky just the same… After that we wandered home. I remember that night so well. Diane, I’m so glad you said ‘yes’ !.. I love you very much.
  
One picture I do have to upload is the wonderful poter that our friends made for the upcoming Sam Cohn Foundation concert.  It’s on Saturday Nov 24th at the West Monitor Barn in Richmond. Please pass the word along..!

G’nite all, g’nite Sam
-me

Thursday morning – Adam Muller

I woke up this morning and read that MMU grad Adam Muller was killed in Iraq this week. . I didn’t know Adam.. but we know his familly… and our hearts go out to them.  It would be wrong for me to say ‘I know how they feel’.. because we’ve learned that everyone’s experience with loss is different. I do know that the family will need the  love and support of this community. Please keep Adam and his family in your thoughts
-jc