Greetings from RJ and Rusty’s. I’ve hidden myself in their computer room hoping to get my blogging in early. I may need to quit  if I’m discovered.

We’re up here at a going away party for Mason,. Tyler, Rusty, and Alex who are heading to Europe on Wednesday for a few months of Euroslacking . It sounds like so much fun. They’re heading over with not much more than Eurail passes, a camera, an address book and a bag of SamStones. They don’t have any specific itinerary … They just know that they’re staring in Ireland and visiting England, Wales, France, Germany. Austria, Poland, Slovenia, Czech Republic and Italy. If you’re reading this and live in one of those countries… and you wouldn’t mind putting these guys up for an evening please let me know ! I remember that amazing feeling when you walk out of an aitport or train station and say “now what ?”.  It would be a blast to go over and live out of a backpack again.. .. Maybe that would be a fun thing to do with our kids.

The earlier part of the day was pretty peaceful. The day got off to a gray, cool and rainy start. We took advantage of the inside weather and each puttered around the house. I did a bit of planning for our india trip.. then did a few hours of work to make up for being so ineffective this past week. It was pretty interesting seeing (by IM buddy list and chat) how many of my work colleagues  were busy at work on a Saturday morning …  I remember doing this all the time

Ooops.. busted.. I was just discovered typing.. There’s cake on upstairs for our travelers.. More later

OK.. I’m back.. where was I ? ….  Oh yeah.. working this morning.. I looked up and realized it was almost 2. and the weather had turned sunny. We decided to take Chai for a run on the high loop at Honey Hollow. It was so beautiful up there. All the creeks were swollen after last night’s rain and the air smelled so sweet and clean. We ran up the logging road to the campsite at the top…The road is pretty steep near the end  All three of us were panting like old goats. At the top we ducked into the woods and ran the trail that connects to one of the other logging trails that makes up the loop.. The rest was downhill and easy. We stopped frequently for red flowering raspberries that were plump from all the rain.. It made me feel glad to be alive.. On the drive home we were talking about how nice it is to have all the time together now. Without Sam… and with Max at school. we find  that we  have more concentrated time with Gabe ..we have  more time together as a couple and we each have more free time for ourselves.. .We were talking about how strange it is to enjoy that extra time.. the reason we have it is so sad.. and profound.. but that doesn’t change the fact that we enjoy it.. It’s the same as being more aware of the beauty around us… or being more open to others. Even practical things like having our  college savings go further… or doing less laundry   are both easier.. and constant reminders of our smaller world. I’d give my life to change the reason for these changes… yet I can’t,, As funny as it feels to enjoy these ‘gifts’, It feels like not admitting that there is good there would be wrong too.. I don’t really know how to explain it…

   And.. it looks like I won’t have time to,, We’re heading over to our  friends Sandy and Michael’s 20th wedding anniversary party… Sandy and I went to school together in Houston.. now she lives only 30 miles away in Middlesex. My friend Jay from Houston will also be there. Should be good to catch up.. I’ll let you know.. That’s all for now.

G’nite all.. g’nite Sam

-me

L’shana Tova again. Today was the first full day of the 10 days of Awe.. the period which begins with the New Year celebration of Rosh Hashanah and ends with Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement.  Folks are supposed to use these 10 days to reflect on their lives.. learn from past mistakes, apologize to anyone they have wronged in the past year and set intentions for the coming year.  My friend Jake sent an interesting podcast on this period if you’d like to learn more.

Today Jews across the world are supposed to hear the blast  of the Shofar… a ram’s horn which is blown like a trumpet.

Hearing it is supposed to be a mitzvah …. Like a cross between a good deed and good luck.  Take a listen and get some  free good luck  

Most Jews spent today in shul (a synagogue) somewhere.. I spent today in an IBM meeting in DC. I did go to shul last night and I  was among good friends today . so it felt OK. I was able to catch an earlier flight home which was nice. I got home around 7:30 and spent a really nice night with my family One of the things we did was to smudge the house by passing a burning clump of sage  around the perimeters of ach room. It’s a very fragrant smoke. In many cultures it’s used to cleans and purifies the air.. and center  the space.   It was a nice ritual for our house.   And a nice mix with all the other spiritual energy in the air today.

 
I felt very calm this evening.. even Diane commented on it. I think the last days of being out in the world again.. among friends.. was very healing.  It’s a good thing to notice.. Over the last few weeks my inclination has been to withdraw from the world, In doing that, I’ve  probably been separating myself from one of the most important healing powers in my life.   Another good thing to think about in these days of Awe…

le’hitra’ot  .. (‘see you later’ in Hebrew)

love you all.. love you Sam

-me

ps. Here’s an interesting factoid..   by midnight of last night there had been exactly 79,999 readings of this blog since I started keeping it.

thanks for the card Hannah !

–> –>

L’shana Tova Tikatevu  Happy New Year 5768. Tonight is the start of Rosh Hashanah,, The beginning of the new year and one of the two most important days in the Jewish Calendar. (?     Tonight is also the beginning of the Islamic festival of Ramadan)

Over the next 10 days, Jews all over the world gather to start thinking about the last year, what they did right, what they did wrong.. and are their intentions for the new year. The intent is to make atonement for past transgressions and set goals for the future. At the end  of 10 days, on Yom Kippur,  you  are hopefully written into the ‘book of life’ for a good and safe coming year. Why  couldn’t  it work last year for us.  I’m in Washington DC right now for an IBM Academy meeting.. This is the same gtroup of close friends that I get to see every couple of months. I really love these guys. Tonight we were all supposed to go out to a nice dinner, but my buddy Edie and I skipped the big dinner, grabed a bite at the food court

then found a local shul, (ie a synagogue or temple) to celebrate the new year.

I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to go this year. Sam’s passing has caused me to really rethink my own metaphysics.. I’ve always felt a great cultural affinity for my faith.. but I’ve never really thought that much about the beliefs. I know since Sam’s death that we are part of something much bigger.. at the same time I feel very much in my heart that none of the organized religions, including my own,  have a lock on describing what that is. In the end I decided to go for the sake of tradition.. and as a way to mark yet another milestone since Sam’s passing.

 
I found a nearby Reform Jewish Congregation  that would let us sit in. This one shared space with a Presbyterian church. I guess that works out pretty well, since the days of workshop only overlap very occasionally.  This was a pretty big group.. maybe 300 folks..many who looked like me..( go figure )

The service started at 8 PM. It was quite a bit different than the ones I’ve attended for the past 25 years… .this one had an organ and a full choir..

it reminded me of the congregation I used to go to in Houston. It’s much different than the more conservative and more informal places I’ve one to in Vermont over the past 25 years . This service was nearly all in English…  the Rabbi lead the service and did double duty as the chazen (or Cantor).  The music was much more… flowery than I was used to.. in some ways I missed the simpler familiar melodies that I’ve become used to.. at the same time.. the fact that it was not to familiar probably helped make it less painful for me…

 
And parts of it were painful.. Two parts in particular.. The service opens and ends with the saying of the shecheyanu.

Baruch atah adonai eloheinu melech ha’olam shecheyanu v’kiy’manu v’higyanu lazman hazeh. 

 This  prayer is typically said whenever 3 or more people come together for worship to thank  …( who ?)  for bringing you safely to that point in time. As soon as I heard it.. I was reminded that we had not all arrived safely … I really broke down.. The middle of the service was pretty good.. they had a funny youngish rabbi, good voice etc. Another interesting difference is that all the liturgy here was in English.. The good part about the places I usually go is that most of the service are in Hebrew.  Which I can read OK.. but not translate well  That makes it easy to drift off into my own thoughts.   Here I had to pay attention.. I did manage to contain my fidgeting for the two hours.. I took a few discreet pictures, made an impromptu paper SamStone..

….and reflected on my past year… Somehow that didn’t seem as necessary.. because that’s basically all I’ve been doing for the past 10 months… Even so.. it was nice to sit their quietly and think of all of my nuclear and extended family.. I spent the time sending them all love..

 The end of the service includes a recitation of the Mourners Kaddish. The prayer for those who  have died… . That was hard for me..  yet somehow not as hard as I had expected. I’d been thinking abut that moment for several months.. dreading it.. I actually felt some degree of peace. I felt Sam so near me…

The service broke up around 10 and Edie and I drove back to find the others.. We met them in the bar for a beer then everyone drifted off to bed..

I need to do the same.. Again I want to wish everyone reading a  sweet and peaceful coming year. L’Shana Tova..  Oh.. the story is.. each one of us has 2 angels standing on his or her shoulders. Each time someone tells us ‘L’Shana Tova’ (happy new year) the two angels fly up to G-d and ask him to write you into the book of life this year… So.. pass it on. 

Lshana tova my family… l’shana tova my friends L’shana tova Sam

-me

Yikes…. I’m sitting in this meeting pretending to pay attention. I’m actually sitting here worrying about what I’m going to say when when I do my keynote address in an hour or so.. Wish me luck !more about how it goes later.
-me.

OK.. now I’m back.. I think it went pretty well.. I’m glad it’s over… SO.. now where was I ?

oh yeah…

September 11^th… . It’s a date that brings back terrible memories  to everyone.. It still does to me.. though they seem much. Much more distant this year.

I’ve only got a few minutes to post. I need ot wake up in 5 hours to catch a plane to DC then on to home…

   I had a really good day here in Austin. I spent a good part of the day working in my hotel room… The part I wasn’t working I spent worrying about my talk tonight. I do my best worrying while pacing around form room to room. On that particular circuit I started noticing the patterns in the wallpaper here.. I noticed that there were 7 distinct swirly patterns in the print.  It was much easier thinking about that  than thinking about finishing my talk…

 Wallpaper swirls in my hotel room

Around 11:15 my friend Wolfgang came over for lunch. We walked over to a tex mex place nearby and ate outside.. Today was cool (by texas standards at least) and wet..The air felt really good. I really enjoyed spending the time with Wolfgang.. we had a good set of personal and work talks. He gave me some very good advice today.. Now.. let me see if I can take it…  After lunch we took a short walk around the area.. we came across a little park with these really cool stone cows. They’re huge and beautiful.

 Cows and Wolfgang

Good bumber sticker in the parking lot of the hotel

As I came back into the hotel after lunch I was nabbed by my friend Ginny from the SRC. She’s coordinating this event. She asked me to see if I could make my  do to make the talk a little funny…She hadn’t seen the talk.. but she said things could use some livening up here.    Yikes.. it wasn’t really set up as a funny talk. I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to funni-fy it a bit..   Not easy to do in a pinch.. and not that easy in my current mood.. But I tried.. The rest of the afternoon passed too  quickly. I spent the time in conference calls as I feverishly tried to figure out how to  ‘lighten’ the tone of the talk…

Around 5 I started the toughest  task of all.. deciding which shirt and tie to wear.. I tried all combinations… and finally went with red shirt, red tie.. Here are the choices.. what would you have chosen ?

  I drifted downstairs around 5:30 and started mingling with the students and professors at the conference. I felt very much at home.. I knew so many of the folks here.. it immediately put me at ease.  There was a small reception, then we were called in to dinner. I got to sit at the grown-up table… it was pretty exciting. 18 years ago I was one of  students in this conference.. and now I was the dinner speaker.. is that progress ? I guess so. My good friends Bill and Mary Brenda were at the table as well as my friend Tak and several of the execs from the SRC.

Bill and Mary Brenda

Here I am right before my talk with a SamStone for good luck

. I enjoyed talking to all of them  which put my a little bit at ease… then came time for my talk The head of the SRC gave me a really nice welcome then…  Eeeeeeeeek.. It was time to go. I came up on stage in front of the 420 folks in the room and for about a half of a second.. I had no idea what to say..   Then someone  inside me started talking… and the next thing I knew I was done.. I do remember a point in the middle of the talk where I drifted out of my head and into the audience and thought to my self… ugh.. this middle part is boring… but  I managed to get through it. I ended with one of my favorite  demos: the frying pickle . I know folks liked that. I ended then went sat back down. I sat there trying to figure out if the talk had gone well or not. I always think I suck when I give a talk like this.. this time.. I was pretty sure I had sucked.. but the audience reaction seemed to lean against suckage… who knows.. who cares.. the one thing I know is that I was done.. Whew…

The Bio they had for me on the program

After my talk came the awards part of the banquet. The biggest award by far was the Aristotle award… given to a teacher for distinguished teaching and mentoring. It ‘s a really big deal. I’ve managed to get this award once for my friend and advisor Rob one year. This year’s winner was my good friend Wojtek, a  Professor at CMU where I went to grad school.  I was so very pleased that he had won this award. He is one of the best teachers and overall mentors I have ever known.   He and I shared a wall when I was in grad school. I still remember the conversations we’d have at 3 in the morning… He’s such a wonderful guy. I felt honored to be there watching him get this award

Wojtek

The banquet broke up and then I was sort of  mobbed with folks wanting to talk to me.  that as pretty cool.. I managed to get In a few good conversations with some of my buds from IBM.. and a few Profs I’d lost touch with.. I was really glad to be here.

Before I knew it .. it was 11:30 and I was beat… I said good night and came up to my room to pack. I was just about to jump into bed when I realized that I had forgotten to blog… so.. here I am.. Now I really gotta get to sleep. More tomorrow…

Love you all.. you too Sam..

-me