Can’t figure out the emotional stew I’m in. at one level.. I’m in a really great place.. I really like my new job.. even though I can’t really figure out what it is, yet.. . I have a ton of energy… and I can feel my creativity increasing On the other hand.. I’m in a quiet and sort of dark place.. I’m sure it’s because of sam’s … sam’s what ? death day ? .. that sounds too weird and sad.. In my religion we call it Jarhzeit.. (year time) .. that.. certainly has it’s hold on me.. Every quiet minute takes me to the past.. .. On the other hand (have I run out of hands ? ).. I’m proud .. no .. thats the wrong word.. greatful, maybe.. that I feel so strong at this four year point.. Four years ago, I could not have believed I would be surviving.. much less thriving at this point..   I know things can change at any second.. ut now.. I’m sad and grateful and energized.. .. make that double sad…

and I guess that’s how it’s supposed to be.

nite all, nite sam
-me