Four years ago tonight we got that terrible call. Sam had been hit by a car.. and would never recover..
Every parents worst fear…. and it had happened.. it had happened to our beautiful son.. In the infinite number of things that do and don’t happen.. why sam.. why our wonderful , beautiful sam..

We’ll never know that… … I know.

Today has been a good day.. I spent most of it by myself, thinking of sam.. what a great kid, his smile, his sense of humor, his music… his physical grace..   I can see his face as brightly now as I could when I could hold him. I cna here his voice.. I cannot hug him though.. and that longing is with me every minute of every day.

Today is only different because the rest of the world takes a few moments to check in with us and remind us that they, too still carry Sam in ther hearts.. and that means the world to us..   Thanks to all of you who are thinking of sam.. and of our family over these next few days..

Tomorrow we’ll be doing our traditional hike up Bolton mountain in Sam’s memory. Anyone is welcome to join us.. we’ll be taking off from the base lodge at noon.. then meeting back at the house for pot-luck dinner and samstones at 6.   Please join us if you feel you’d like to be with us.

Even if you can’t come.. I invite you to spend a few minutes and think of sam.. remember the cool kid he is/was.. and invite some of his laughing, warm and crazy spirit into your own lives.. Hug your kids.. and think of us.   Thanks in part to all of you.. we’re doing well .. and living our lives fully.

I want to share one think with everyone.. I posted this last year as well. This is the last phone message I got from Sam..  He left me this message late this same afternoon in 2006
I love hearing his voice..

http://www.samstones.org/music/sammsg_v3.mp3

nite all.. Good night my son.. I miss you so much.. we love you forever..

-me

Busy day today.. which was good.. kept my mind occupied. My job today was to drive an hour and a half north to visit my work brothers and sisters in Bromont Quebec. There’s a large IBM facility up there.. about 2800 fo0olks when fully loaded.. I’m embarrassed to say.. this is my first trip up there in almost 30 years of working here.

It was a nice drive up.. I t’s just like driving up to Montreal, but you turn east at Pikes river..

That was my day.. good and busy..
I did get pretty sad on my ride home…

more tomorrow..
nite all , nite sam// you are so much on my mind, my son

-me

Can’t figure out the emotional stew I’m in. at one level.. I’m in a really great place.. I really like my new job.. even though I can’t really figure out what it is, yet.. . I have a ton of energy… and I can feel my creativity increasing On the other hand.. I’m in a quiet and sort of dark place.. I’m sure it’s because of sam’s … sam’s what ? death day ? .. that sounds too weird and sad.. In my religion we call it Jarhzeit.. (year time) .. that.. certainly has it’s hold on me.. Every quiet minute takes me to the past.. .. On the other hand (have I run out of hands ? ).. I’m proud .. no .. thats the wrong word.. greatful, maybe.. that I feel so strong at this four year point.. Four years ago, I could not have believed I would be surviving.. much less thriving at this point..   I know things can change at any second.. ut now.. I’m sad and grateful and energized.. .. make that double sad…

and I guess that’s how it’s supposed to be.

nite all, nite sam
-me

Diane, Gabe and I just got back from Gabe’s� high school conferences. It
was so much fun. I was able to play the proud papa and hear what a good
guy Gabe is. I was so proud watching him talk to his teachers. THey all
said He loves learning.. . ..he really does.. I’m very proud of that
boy.

�� It was also nice to be back in the high school .. we’ve been back
many. many times since Sam’s passing.. I always get a deep shot of
sadness when I walk in the door..�� tonight I didn’t feel that so much..
I felt great being there as Gabe’s dad..���� It was good seeing all of
our friends and all of the teachers. Several of the teachers talked to
us about Sam and Max after they talked to us about Gabe.. several
commented on how much Gabe looks like Sam.. (does he ?) ..He gets called
Sam alot.. even I do that sometime. I asked Gabe if it ever bugs him
that folks say stuff liek that.. He said it didn’t ..� He’s his own guy
in every sense..

���� Diane reminded me that she was here at MMU at student conferences when
Sam was down in Florida already for that last time.. So many memories
attached to everything.. I guess all memories are good memories..

OK.. off to bed..

Night folks !, nite Sam

-me