I’m pretending to work today.. but I just keep my mind on it.. Diane is out getting pictures printed for Dylan’s service tomorrow.. In between conference calls I’m working on a program for the service.and get stickers printed. I so much remember how strange it felt putting together the program for Sam’s memorial.. who would speak ? who would sing.. how many people would come.. and above all.. what would I say.. would I be able to speak at all ?

While I was looking I came across the notes I wrote for Sam’s memorial.. I remember what it was like looking down from the stage and seeing all those people.. I choked up a little.. but when I started talking.. It just kept coming.. I didn’t really need my notes..  Here’s what I said… more or less..

Thanks

• It means so much to me, to us, to see you all here  today.
• The love people have shown through past week, at our home on Thursday. At concert Friday and today is overwhelming  Love and support of our family and friends we will be forever grateful
• Reminds us so powerfully how much  Sam was loved

About Sam

• Sam was … beautiful inside/out.. He had that radiant 1000 watt smile. You all knew it. He wore it always.. and it could melt your heart.  It always melted mine.
• He was the truest, most honest, and independent person I have ever met. He knew who he was, knew what he wanted.  Anything he did: music, sports, snowboarding.  He   did it to his standards, no one else’s .
• He loved life.. he loved his parents, his brothers, his family.. his friends .. his pets..  his passions. Sam packed so much into his short life. he traveled, he explored. He ran full speed into the world.
• He loved Vermont. He was all about snow, water, sun… dirt.. Lots of dirt.  As he grew, We watched him do backflips off the rope swing, on his snowboard upside down and spinning.. Flips in midair   tubing down the Huntington always with that smile. I always covered my eyes. He was so strong.. so sure footed..  he always came out OK.
• Not to say he always landed it… He broke bones, cracked ribs sprained joints.. and he would laugh. The day he died he called to tell me about the cuts he’d gotten on the beach skim boarding in Florida with friends. “Dad… I got these really cool cuts on my legs”….
• Sam was a loyal and generous friend. His circle of friends crossed ages, schools, cliques..  so many interests, types…  music, sports. Friends from preschool, neighbors… he loved people.. and people loved him. He loved most of you in this room.. and I know you loved him, too.
• Sam would have loved knowing that there are 4 people somewhere in Florida living today because of the organs he donated. It makes me feel good that my son’s heart is beating in someone else’s son or daughter… That was so in keeping with Sam’s generous spirit.
• As we think back over Sam’s 14 years, we have no regrets.. He was surrounded by love every day.. We can’t honestly recall ever being really mad at him.. or him at us (except perhaps trying to get him out of the shower on a school day) He hugged us everyday .. well past the age we might still expect that.  He had this sensitive emotional radar that would pick up the moods of the people around him. He always knew when to comfort.. what question to ask… when to give a hug.
• I loved Sam so much…  He was such a good friend to me…. Last year, we spent many late hours talking about our lives.. over homework.. his and mine. His values had started to change mine… I’m still learning to be more like Sam…   Someday I’d like to have my priorities as clear as his.. my values as absolute, my passions as strong,
• Oh.. I will miss his bright goofy smile, his mischievous laugh, .. the hugs I got from those wicked strong arms… the late night talks.. and his music… Oh, his music, Hardcore to Bach.. .is still playing in my heart.

• Those of you who know us, know that there is a lot of love in our family. We were blessed and we knew it. That love makes us feel Sam’s loss so strongly now   Diane, Max, Gabe and I are so strong in our love for Sam and for each other. That with all of your help… we will  get through this…  While I can’t imagine it now, I believe we can get us back to having joy in our lives….
• I am going to choose every day to honor Sam’s memory..  To go forward.. not backward. To do something good for the world. I am going to try to take his passion into my own life and become a better person for it.
• You can help us keep Sam’s memory alive by hugging your kids or parents really hard every day.
• You can do something good for someone else and do it with Sam on your mind. Start by making sure you carry an organ donor card, if your personal beliefs allow it.  If you’re a kid… get out of the shower when your parents ask you to.
• You can also Capture some of Sam’s spirit.  Find your passions.  Be more sure of yourself.. smile a little brighter…play more music,  be more there for others.

Close

• There are no good words to describe the sadness we feel in losing Sam. But I can tell you how much love and pride we feel for having him as a son, brother, and friend.
• Again, We are amazed and grateful at the love and support of our family and friends and the community, and we know Sam is as well.
• We love you Sam, always.   Goodbye my beautiful Son.

it’s so hard reading that even 4 and a half years later…   but a good cry was what I needed this morning..

My advise to folks who are planning on saying something tomorrow at the service is not to worry about it.. just speak from your heart.. and if you find you can’t speak.. don’t worry about that either..

let’s all be there for Dylan.. see you tomorrow 1:30  at Bolton Lodge

cu folks , cu Sam

-me