5 years ago tonight I sat down in this very same spot and started this blog… I wrote:

Friends,
Our beutiful son Sam died this Monday while having the time of his life with friends in Florida. . Our feelign of loss is overwhelming.. but so is the feelign of love that we’re getting from our community and family.. Sam was such a special person.  He packed so much living into his fourteen years. He was one of my best friends. Like many people, I  wanted to be more like Sam as I grew up.  He was one of the most honest, true and real people I’ve ever met. He was so passionate about everything he did… his music… his snowboarding.. his sports.. his friends.. his family. I can still feel his strong arms hugging me as he did every day when I came home from work.  Sam is not goign to be around to hug me now.. but I promise to keep his memory alive and pass on his wonderful spirit. All of you reading this blog could do us a big, big favor by doing the same. Pass on the Sam… love your families, love your friends, be true to yourself and be passionate about what you do. The more Sam we pass around.. the better our world is going to be.
I’m going to do my best to keep blogging for the first year after Sam’s death as a way of working through things.   Our lives are forever changed by losing Sam.. but they are forever brightened by knowing him as only parents can. Remember  Pass on the Sam
Love -John

it was 3 days after we returned home after Sam died.. I was looking for a way to capture what I was feeling.. and keep family and friends in touch with how we were doing in that dark time…

Since then I’ve written here every day with the only exception being the 59 days I was sequestered as part of The Colony TV show. Though I didn’t know it at the time Diane actually blogged for me for about 40 of those days… .. In all I see I’ve made 1619 separate posts.. with roughly  27,990 pictures (hmm.. that seems a bit short.. better do some research.. I had to move my blog off of myspace to ‘here’ in a hurry last dec.. ,might have lost some posts in the transition).. ..
In the beginning, I wrote often about about grieving.. I see many entries about the strange things that happened to us in that altered state we were in after Sam’s passing. I also wrote about the amazing things the community and our friends did to support us. Over time the content has varied.. from travels to science projects..to family.. but always back to Sam.. .. Writing is still at least one time of day that I make a point and sitting down to ‘talk’ to Sam.. though most days its one of hundreds..
Writing this has been amazingly healing.. even more amazing is the ability to go to any date in the past 5 years and see how I was doing. I find it both painful and interesting to check back in with myself in those hardest of days.. I send back encouragement and love.. as if in some way that could help.. (maybe it did 🙂
I’ve often asked myself about how long I’d keep writing.. At first I told myself I’d stop at a year.. then at 3 years.. then I said 5 years.. which would be today.. At this moment.. I don’t feel like stopping..

Maybe someday.. but not today..

nite all, love you sam
-me