This is the strange part.. when we slowly ease back in to our lives after a tragedy.. Elijah’s passing last weekend and his funeral yesterday put the whole community in a time warp.. everything slowed down and became less important.. then .. slowly things start to happen again..people get on with their lives, they eat, they sleep.. they even laugh.. all except for the family.. I remember that weird feeling as I noticed time was passing differently.. more quickly.. for everyone around us.. I remember thinking it was both interesting .. and unfair..
I remember how strange I thought it was that people were going to restaurants , watching movies, working in their gardens.. while all I could do was sit and try not to think.. .. My memory is mercifully foggy of the first days and weeks after Sam died. .. then I remember having the sensation of watching the world spin around me.. It was liek I was in some think gunk spinning slowly. while others outside my reach were moving freely .. eventually the gunk started to thin and I started to spin witht h things around me.. sometimes I’d keep up.. the.. sometimes I was lagging.. I don’t know when my speed finally caught up with the world..
I like to think that I’m fully back in the same time as everyone else now.. but I remember thinking many times that it had.. but then realizing later.. when looking back.. that I was still swimming in the ooze.. I guess Ill never knwo where I stand until I’m looking back…
nite all, nite sam
-me
I still feel as if time is in a weird slow pattern. From the moment I woke up and realized the power was out. . .heard the knocking on the door and voices asking is anyone home. . .this is the state police. It’s been a time warp, slow, foggy. . .
Yeah… and the guilt I feel that I can start to come back up to speed. Have to keep reminding myself that I don’t have to stay debilitated by grief to care. I know it will come and go in waves, but that the coming up to speed for those of us outside the pool of ooze will be quicker. We need to embrace it so we can support and put out a hand to pull the ones still in the thicker stuff. And pick up the things they would a have been able to do, until they can.
I am finding that is one of the things that is hardest with my son, he really doesn’t see how he will ever start moving forward again. I just keep reminding him that he just has to do the NEXT thing. But it is so hard, so hard to see the kids’ pain. It’s funny that you noted the songs the other day…. that is one of the ways the kids have been sustaining one another, they’re sharing songs back and forth and have been getting together singing praise songs a lot….. good therapy.
Thank you for your blog…. it will help me walk beside Tammy and Gary in a wiser way in some of the practical, everyday stuff.