Monthly Archives: August 2013

Saturday night – emotional plumbing

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Just spent the quietest and slowest day I can remember in some time. Diane and Gabe are up in Montreal.. still.. and I spent the day puttering around the house.. Last night, despite a huge list of work , home and social projects on my list, I decided to go to sleep at 11.. .. ..pretty early for a weekend.. Not before one stunt.. I’d been in a work conversation all day about the correlation of violent crime with rising temperatures.. a bad portent for global warming y.. We were discussing  the non causal relationships between violence and things like ice cream and swimming pool usage.. that are also linked causally to   warm weather..  The comment circulated that eating ice cream in a swimming pool on a full moon certainly signified danger… couldn’t help taking this picture..   (can’t see the pool.. but I’m standing in it.. be glad you can’t see to deep 🙂 )

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Diane was up in Canada.. and I was missing her.. so our bed looked big and empty.. I chose instead to sleep in the tower..   despite the hard floor I slept 9 hours !!!!!!! (!!!!!!!!!) .. about twice a normal night for me.

i woke to beautiful sunshine and birds singing..

 

I felt a great weight coming from m.. this has been such an emotional couple of  weeks for me.. first Janet’s passing then Eiljah’s death..   It was like a flood breaking in me.. I did a fair bit of quiet thinking.. some crying and by the end of the day i felt cleansed and at peace…. my emotional plumbing was clear again

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I spent the first part of the day workign in the yeard. one job was to remove a tarp that Diane suspected was harboring a nest of snakes… she was right !

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Mid afternoon I went over to hellp my freind Chris move soem of his art to his new studio in Burlington.. It’s a big change for him.. and I wish him so much luck.. It was fun moving these crazy pieces..  When I got there , Kim and I were talking about Elijah.. the ripples of his death keep moving through the town.. She told me that the power went out in the entire town  due to Elijah’s accident.. I hadn’t made the connection…   so powerfulll

the ripples…

 

 

Chris and I organized to move some of his pieces..   He’s and kinm had already loaded the truck when I got there  Here’s a steam punk sekeleton he built which I really love.. IMG_2058

 

and a crab.. IMG_2061

 

His rock garden stuff will follow shortly

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Much better.. IMG_2064

 

We took a short break so Chris could show me his fire breathing techique.. I gotta learn this.. but need to shave my beard first !!

 

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We got to his studio and unloaded.. I all looked pretty nice in that new and clean space.. I wish him well there !

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OK.. Diane’s almost home.. want to be computer free when she gets in..

more tomorrow

 

nite all, nite sam

 

-me

 

Friday night – exhausted

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It’s 10:30 and I’m home alone …I’m not sure when the last time that happened. Diane and Gabe are up in Montreal.. and I’m just about to kick off work and go to bed.. I’m just so tired for some reason..   I think it has been the echo’s of Elijah Davis’s death and funeral. Grieving is just such hard work, even if your not family.. It’s like a dull headache.. always in the back of your mind, pulling at you…

Elijah’s mother Tammy is writing about her family’s path on the Davis Farm facebook page and her beautiful blog.  Here writing is so peaceful and clear. I so admire her and her family’s strength. Ans so appreciate her sharing her thoughts..  It helps us all.. I know how valuable it was for us to write.  Today Tammy talks about sleep .I remember how tired I was in those early days.. at the same time I didn’t want to sleep.. I didn’t want to miss anything.. and I remember being afraid to dream.. it’s funny thinking of that now, because I loved.. and still love…  to dream of Sam.

It’s peaceful here right now (minus the loud techno music I’m playing ) .. I can hear crickets.. it ‘s an end of summer sound..  i think I’m going to go up in the tower and see if I can sleep..

nite all, nite sam

-jc

Thursday night – time warp

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This is the strange part.. when we slowly ease back in to our lives after a tragedy.. Elijah’s passing last weekend and his funeral yesterday put the whole community in a time warp.. everything slowed down and became less important.. then .. slowly things start to happen again..people get on with their lives, they eat, they sleep.. they even laugh.. all except for the family.. I remember that weird feeling as I noticed time was passing differently.. more quickly.. for everyone around us.. I remember thinking it was both interesting .. and unfair..

I remember how strange I thought it was that people were going to restaurants , watching movies, working in  their gardens.. while all I could do was sit and try not to think.. .. My memory is mercifully  foggy of the first days and weeks after Sam died. ..  then I remember having the sensation of watching  the world spin around me..      It was liek I was in some think gunk spinning slowly. while others outside my reach were moving freely .. eventually the gunk started to thin and I started to spin witht h  things around me.. sometimes I’d keep up.. the.. sometimes I was lagging..   I don’t know when my speed finally caught up with the world..

I like to think that I’m fully back in the same time as everyone else now.. but I remember thinking many times that it had.. but then realizing later.. when looking back.. that I was still swimming in the ooze..  I guess Ill never knwo where I stand until I’m looking back…

nite all, nite sam

-me